The Essential Sex Toy Soup Reading Companion

A Brief Intro and some Assumptions

So I see you’re a masochist.  How did I know?  Well for starters you’re here reading this totally irreverent not at all to be taken seriously and I’m really just procrastinating from doing other work “Essential Sex Toy Soup Reading Companion”.   Then again maybe if it’s good enough the Chicken Soup people will be inspired and think I could actually help someone’s soul,  So lube up, sit down (or bend over or lay on your back, really it’s not a scene you pick your position of choice)  Can you imagine the speaking tour with me throwing hot soup and gigantic phallic symbols at an unsuspecting god fearing audience?   It would be more fun than the law probably would allow! Especially in Alabama. Anyhow since there probably isn’t a Soup and Dildo Ted talk in my future let’s begin with Part One the Utter Fail. Oh and if you don’t want to read my BS and just look at pictures go Perv the Sex Toy Soup Sinful Sunday Post.

Part One The Utter Fail –

Well It’s that time of the month and Molly puts out the sinful Sunday Prompt on Sex Toys.   Instantly I know what I’m going to to do.  A spoof on the “Our Little Secret” Album Cover from the Lords of Acid.  After all I love the Lords!  Most people miss the Cock going down the leg the first few times they see the album cover eapecially if its the fold out version tjstbstops at barebstomach and thebfick me dirty look. Well I get the bright idea that recreating it with a giant dildo down each leg will be twice as hysterical!  So working with that in mind I begin to plan the “Our Little Secrets” post.  See the “S“? Plural, two cocks right?  More sex toys stuffed down my jeans in a picture is truly the stuff of comedic genius!
Lords of Acid Our Little Secrect Album Cover

Look Up! See the Cock hiding on her leg?  Hard to miss right?

  So after much reflection, soul searching and intellectual debate I decide the bring “Big Pink” the giant hot pink dildo hidden on most  of my profile pics for years out of retirement.  Plus it’s the biggest one we own.  So still in need of a giant second cock began rifling  through our toy bags like a size queen at a stud market.   Finally opting for the Tantus Vamp.

Big Pink Dildo Warhol Style Edits
Big Pink – My Version of Where’s Waldo (or Dildo) in Pictures for Years and Years

The next step was to set up the camera. Then off to find my gray jeans that were skin tight last time I wore them.  In an act of mercy decided to spare the world a view of my bare midriff belly since I’m built more like Buddha than an underwear model.  So with great care, concern and planning too the two giant Dildos that would run from crotch to a few inches above my knee and positioned them inside my boxer briefs, adjusting my own junk out of the way in the process.  It was hysterical, one pink and one blue cock peeking out. So I slipped into my jeans and then it hit me. “Fuck, to these jeans feel awfully loose”.
Folks healthy living, moderation in many things, and exercise including yoga and running are wonderful things.  As fate would have it I’ve dropped a few moreq pounds which makes my cardiologist happy and might make me more attractive to some however  the problem with that is when you wanted tight jeans and apparently you have lost 2-3 inches off each thigh in the past few months and you can no longer get a decent dick print in your jeans even with two huge sex toys stuffed in your boxers and running down your thighs.   Fuck, Fuck Fuck!
I changed camera angles, I tried to find bigger sex toys…but let’s face it the ones I already picked were about as big as anyone I play with would want to have inserted into them.  I tried to find skinnier jeans…and stopped just short slipping into my winter running tights and looking like some 80’s hairband reject….but no one really needs to see that. As Fleet wood Mac once put it.  “I can’t Sing, I ain’t pretty and my legs are thin.”  which for me in a relatively new phenomena.  So my hilariously fiendish “Our Little Secrets” post was officially foiled by the fact that while my legs were thinner yet they were still not sticks like the Model from the album cover that served as inspiration (and probably never will be) yet were too thin for  anything I owned to give a decent dick print in.  First world deviant problems.  Sex Toys would require a different approach.

Part 2 Why Warhol (AGAIN!)

So it’s Wednesday morning, 4:58am Local time to be specific.   There are 14 ounces of coffee waiting for me but no sweetener on the counter.  I slide open the pantry and right there at eye level is the moment of inspiration.  Now If I was really Warhol it would have happened on a 8 day bender during an orgy and I’d have stolen the idea from some younger more talented guy.  But let’s face it I’ll never be that cool or that stoned so it was a still sleepy pre coffee induced haze and an eye level can of soup that caused the inspiration.    This time though I was going to be “authentic”.  And by authentic I mean actually do the editing myself using a real program, hand picking every color, and then add a snappy little phrase onto each one.   Which only after the fact did I realize was more a a Vonnegut thing than Warhol but hey ho. I consider them both to be among my favorite artists so I stayed the course.
Along the way I have been thinking about two recent posts of mine. Both daring for me in their own way.  Most recently was “Rough” which gave a dark look into how I see myself despite how I present myself to the world.  I used a pre-made “Warhol” editor on that one.  I found it interesting that women who know me and see the polished me found something attractive in a picture I did not.  It was a pleasant surprise. Additionally something about Maria’s comment on how art that makes the artist uncomfortable is what makes for great art from my “Only the Tip” picture has really really stuck with me.  Then came a tweet from HT-Honey  for “edited opportunity” that referenced a session at Eroticon by Molly on editing.  I am a notorious non editor (both of written word and photographs) and saw this as a chance to force myself into something new.
So really why Sex Toys and Warhol – Well both have been big influences in my life.  Sex and Sex Toys more than Andy but still.   When I go to my home city which is often i find myself dawn to  the museum that bears his name more than any other…any where for that matter .   And I still find myself despite this wonderful age of online shopping can be found wondering across the rivers and bridges by tje Warhol to the old streets with the porn shops from a by gone era to look at toy’s the modern me would never buy due to their low quality, jelly based, less than obvious sex toy  nebulous substances..  Taking cocks and cheap pocket pussies out of the equation.  Warhol’s ability to change, and even abandon previously successful works and styles has always fascinated me.   I am always wanting or trying to reinvent myself professionally.  Much of the works while innovative for the period aren’t nearly as edgy or even as technically proficients as his contemporaries or the great masters. Yet his ability to live his own odd life appeals to me. In many waysnitbisbwhatbibdo…live differently.   And it is the year of the Orgasm. There are a few reviews that need to be published that we’ve played with and hopefully some more to do after that.

Part 3 Dildos, and Butt Plugs and Soup Cans, OOOOOO MY Fucking….wait Just “Oh My”

Thick Dildo Soup Can A la Wathol and Sex Toy Photo Edit
Thick Dildo Soup – Sure to Fill You Up – All of the pictures were actually edited using Gimp and also infran view for the colorization, I found the swap color feature there worked much better for me as a novice and then they were of course resized for the web.   This one featured the Previously mentioned The Tantus Vamp  .  To be honest it’s not a favorite of thethe Blonde as she prefers slimmer toys but I like the look and reaction the size gets when we have used it.
Waves of Pleasure Warhol inspired Spup can with a Dildo Over itWaves of Pleasure in Your Soup.- Really I wanted to follow the slogan with MMMMMMMMM Oh my Fucking God Good!   But figured that might be a bit much.  This time opting to returned the can to more or less it’s original color scheme and accentuate the Blue Echo Dildo with orange highlights.
Tanatus Large Perfect Pplug with Vibrator Color Edited and placed on a Campbells Soup Can
The two Butt Plug Themed Creations were again created using Tantus Sex Toys and in this care both were from the Perfect Plug Kit.  Which is really why this post exists. Because I’ve been putting the review for the plugs. Not for any real reason other than I just don’t feel like  writing something structured and chose to pursue something frivolous and slightly more fun that dimensions.  Much like the first piece the color of the toy is unedited.   Instead I built the other color scheme’s around it.  in “a Bigger Buzz” after the fact it struck me as ironic the color choice for the can which could just as easily have been a Florida vacation resort’s mix (Pink and Blue) as well as an Age players.  The Background of Blue and yellow was again serendipity but matches the Marriage Equality stickers from a few years back that still adorn a few things around the house.

A Tantus perfect pluf super imposed on a soup can in a Warhol Inspired Sexy toy Photo

Part 4 Houston I think We have a Sex Toy Problem

So let’s review – My jeans are too loose, my sex toys would not leave the quality of dick print I wanted. I have intentionally copied Warhol and accidentally mimicked Vonnegut.  It may be unspoken but I have fought the urge to use sex toys along with Presidential Election propaganda.  Mainly because most educated people know those running are all dorks anyway.  And now ratherrather than ramble on i guess it’s time to get back to writing something that is a but more useful.

First a Vonnegut WorkKurt Vonnegut - Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt

And Finally A Copy of Warhol’s Work that inspired this load of BS

Warhol Campbells Soup Can


Sex Toy Soup

We’ll It’s time for this months Sinful Sunday Theme Submission.  The prompt was essentially Sex Toys and seeing as my state of mind is still askew from even my version of normal  I opted to take the Andy Warhol Theme from last week one  (or four) steps furthers and create a Series of Sex Toy Soup Themed images playing on his interpretation of the Campbell’s Soup can.  After all what is more American then Pop Art Stolen from another Person’s idea, Campbell’s Soup, Dildos and Butt Plugs all put together?
Waves of Pleasure Warhol inspired Spup can with a Dildo Over it
A Tantus perfect pluf super imposed on a soup can in a Warhol Inspired Sexy toy Photo
Thick Dildo Soup Can A la Wathol and Sex Toy Photo Edit
Tanatus Large Perfect Pplug with Vibrator Color Edited and placed on a Campbells Soup Can
For anyone who is interested and truly in jest there is the  “The Essential Sex Toy Soup Reading Companion”.  Ok part 3 is  really just to remind myself how I did this as much anything. Also there’s some humorous insight into why the fuck I put Dildo’s and Butt Plugs into a Sex Toy Soup themed Post.   The short answer is “Plan A” Didn’t work.

Click the Lips to see all the other very sexy sinners!

Sinful Sunday


True Blue

Blue Siliscon Dildos from Tantus

Variety is often sought after…except when it’s not.

Sometimes things don’t go even close to plan.

And in the end more than anything the world seems blue.


Click the lips to see all the other sexy sinners

Sinful Sunday

Where the Buzzing Began

white hared plastic Vibrator
Funny how you find such wonderful memories in boxes as you clean house and consolidate belongings.  This is quite literally the first Vibrator i ever bought for the Chesty Blonde.  At the time it seemed edgy now…well not so much…good memories of it none the less.

Come See all the other Sexy and Stunning Sinners

Sinful Sunday

Big Pink, a Touch of Glass, and a Fake Mouth

So this time around the topic for Kink Of the week is Dildos. So I will tell this somewhat shameful story. When I was about 18 I thought Dildos and in fact all sex toys were a sign that a man simply couldn’t deliver the proverbial goods, that they were something for men with limp dicks, women who couldn’t land a man even for the night, and of course girl on girl porn… in which case I had no objections. The more fake dongs the better! Yes I was a stupid closed minded young man and it took a very petite and very, very dirty little blond exhibitionist to show me…quite literally by showing the error of my ways. IF was fun and hot and I didn’t get left out of the action for the man made deviced. It added to rather than took from. And in what is my typical form once the possibilities were understood I was quite the enthusiastic convert and remain so to this day.
So forgiving me for my prior transgressions I will say that while not something I’d list as a fetish they are certainly something I enjoy on others and watching others use them. Which brings me to the story of “Big Pink”.
A Giant Pink Dildo and a normal sized glass dildoI had bought countless sex toys by the time I came across Pink years and years ago. Every So often you see a toy and it does everything but thwo itself into your shopping basket. It was at my local “Sunday” porn shop out in the burbs and the grumpy old dyke (who was a friend) at the counter bagged on me when I bought it. I didn’t care it was just big and thick enough to be intimidating to look at but not so large that it would be unusable. The first time it got put into action was memorable first for the comment she made as I fished it from the side of the bed “ How fucking big is it because the way your moving your arm scares me.” and the three screaming orgasms that left her in a puddle when I combined thrusting it’s length and very thick girth into and out of her with a vibe on her clit.
During that era it became the most requested toy in the bag and when it was retired from active duty ig became a perverted pink where’s Waldo type substitute in many of my pictures. I’d go out of my way to hide it somewhere in the frame of all my shoots for years, Big Pink still lives in the night stand next to my bed and every so often I think of putting it back into action but now it’s mostly ceremonial in nature.

A ginat pink latex dildo
A kind of long pretty thick dildo that has made a cameo in countless Malflic Photographs. So thick my massive paws can’t fully close around the base or mid shaft.

Then there is the ridged glass one. Not a favorite of hers but of mine. Despites the complaints I hear about it being “too hard”, “too cold”, and not natural feeling the fact of the matter is when used it gets her off consistently and intensely once she adjusts to the sensation.
And it’s that variability makes it appealing. I can offer different sensation’s a different size and at times even an exceptional if not unrealistic size to my lover to change things up. When playing with them I’m not a soft and slow type want prefer to use deep hard thrusts, I am not making love using them, I am no having sex with them in place of my own anatomy I am fucking you and doing it like I mean it. Odds are if they’re out she’s bent over, twisted in to some unnatural contortion, or just holding on for dear life in one way or another.
Now about that fake mouth…it was one of those cheesy cheap 90’s porn shop pre internet shopping type of sex toys equipped with horrendous fake red lips, and open mouth and innards that reminded me of a bad Sci-Fi movie effect. It was a change up sensation wise from a hand job but nothing to write home about. In fact she had a perfectly good and wonderfully talented mouth right there so I’d opt for the real thing.
Stories and history aside I don’t find dildos to be kinky but rather think they’re a reasonable tool in the tool box of any sexual and open minded person whether playing by themselves or with a partner. They can and should be used in way either sensual and erotically or with the intensity I tend toward it all depends on the people, preference, and mood . And as for frequency as long as the people involved are turned on and getting what they want out of it who cares if it’s every time, once a week, or once a year.
Sentimentality aside the vouyer in me finds a woman with a dildo doing a solo performance for me incredibly hot especially when she goes from putting on a show to being in the moment and forgets I’m there. the 18 year old version of me might have felt threatened, the middle aged me is more than happy to watch, play with and buy what ever didlo gets your off whether fleshy and soft or cold and stell to pretty glass…I’ve not crossed the threshold into mystical creatures yet…but there’s still time.
In fact I’m probably well overdue to buy some new ones for my toy kits and in fact have held off on a number of purchases because of the debates and feed back about the toxicity of materials and the accuracy of the labeling.
Perhaps will be the night I do a little shoping and buy something other than impact toys and rope. After all you can never have enough impact toys or rope and the same probably can be said for other sex toys too.
See all the other great Dildo Posts…click the button below.  
Kink of the Week

The Tale of Two Night Stands

Yes the title is a play on the classic novel “A Tale of Two Cities” but I decided what better way to illustrate the difference between me and the Blonde than just take random pictures of each of our night stand drawers.
So let’s begin with the top drawer of my night stand.   Looks fairly safe; massage oil and lotions plus a variety of massage related toys, a few candles,  some lube, a lighter.  Oh what a nice gentle and attentive lover I must be.  However if you look a little closer, EMT shears, some short ropes, and god awful blue hockey liner. I’m not sure why it’s there but I’ve never gotten around to moving it.  Seeing me prance around in that thing would certainly hurt, well your eyes if nothing else.
Malflic's Top Drawer
Next up my bottom drawer so on top you can see an assortment of rope, a bag of spare batteries, assorted toys most of which have been retired since they’re Jelly, some clothes pins.  What you can’t see is the next two levels of rope, the clamps and clovers, and underneath all that is a collection of light paddles, a few floggers, a small whip and two more bags of newer toys (Dildos, Plugs, Vibes etc).
Malflic's Bottom Drawer
Now for the Blonde’s top drawers, towels, a few blind folds, a little rope, pasties, cards (I’m not sure who she’s playing cards with but I can assure you it’s not me).  Under there somewhere are lotions and lube, Ben Wa balls, more pasties (I’ve never seen her in them  but she has a nice collection.  hmmm) and a few other assorted things I’ve probably forgotten we have.
The Chesty Blonde's Top Drawer
This is the really telling one…She’s hiding books in her night stand!  I have rope and toys she has books. I take a ton of grief around here for my book collection
The bloondes bootm drawer
So what does this say about us.  Well fist off I have a huge stack of books beside the night stand not counting the filled book cases through out the place so I may have a book problem but I just don’t hide it.  Secondly she refers to the toys as mine.  Ironically I bought them all for her, after all I’m not exactly the big thick pink vibrator type and while I like certain types of bunnies the need to own a Rabbit anything wasn’t something I thought would get me off in anyway.  Ok the ropes, clamps, and impact toys are mine but I still like to use them on her.
For years anything questionable or sexual was relegated to my side of the bed, my dressers, my bags in the closet (I how too much rope).   At first i thought it was she was embarrassed by them but eventually came to the realization that if we were both to die in a plane crash they would go through her stuff and say “Awe she really was a sweet lady” and when they got to mine it would be “He was such a fucking perv”  which is exactly how each of us would prefer to be remembered.
Sinful Sunday

A Kinkster’s Christmas List 2012 the Apocalypse Edition

Well it’s that time of year again when being naughty might not get you anything good from the fat guy in the crushed red velvet suit at the mall, or the North Pole, or where ever he’s from however you might get you a nice red backside with something new and ouchy from this fat bastard in the back boots.  And if you’re lucky a few other fun things to be extra naughty with.  In short fuck the nice list we’re all about naughty!   After a year of playing, learning, and a collection of new toys here are a few of our favorite finds both from those of us at the site and reader recommendations.  After all what self respecting deviant would head into the end of the world without a toy bag full of new goodies?   Not this one that’s for sure.
Bondage Rope
Aja Rope Limited Edition Multi Colored Hemp  
Navajo Night Multi Color hemp rope from
So what is Multi Colored Hemp rope…think Tie Dye Hippie meets Scary Dom Type and gets funky in a really great way or it’s kind of like doing a scene to a NiN Grateful Dead mash up. Beautifully odd but works on so many levels. All kidding aside the pictures tell the tale. Keep in mind it’s a limited production item, meaning it takes 2 weeks to finish from the time of order so if you want it in time for the holidays don’t wait. This gives you a chance to add to your favorite Rigger’s (or your own) rope kit something no one else has. Originally it was released locally in St. Louis but is now available by special order. In addition to the various multi color offers there is a lovely ominous pewter/black combo called POD, named after PrinceofDarkness, and a Turquoise & Black Called Navajo Night .
Black Cherry, MIZ, & Forest Cammo Multi Color Hemp rope by
The price is a steal at $1 a foot with a 30 ft minimum. You can get any of the colors listed above plus several more bright and fun varieties such as Purple People Eater, Tickled Pink, and Tequila Sunrise at the website. For more details or if you have questions contact Lily the Rope Ho or Aja at admin at Just remember they typically respond best when you’re not asking for money to be sent to Nigeria & you’re not insulting anyone’s penis size.
One final ropey note. Mal has had some their other rope in his kit for several years now (both hemp and MFP. BTTickled Pink Multi Color Hemp Bondage Rope by Ajarope.comW their MFP is on sale until 12/31/2012). They’re active members of the local community, organize a monthly Rope Social, were responsible for coordinating the GRUE’s that took place in St. Louis. In general he considers them to be just good people and a pleasure to do business with.
Unique Mind Fucks
Paddles and Panties Sweet and Naughty Mouth Soap
Give the term “I’m  going to wash your mouth out with soap” a whole new meaning with this white chocolate bar that looks just like soap.  It can be a fun non-soapy way to role play a scene or if you’re like a few of the tops around here it’s a great way to keep a sassy mouth off balance when the moment of truth arrives.  Will it be real soap or a white chocolate type mind fuck?  Either way it doesn’t mean someone isn’t going to get the butt spanked which takes us to out next topic.
Paddles & Impact toys
Leather – London Tanners remains high on our list as always and we continue to covet their stuff.  This year our picks are Daddy’s Double trouble with its two sided option and the extra heavy tawse.   Then again we’re not exactly the slap and tickle set.
Round Top Daddy Dom and Heavy Black wood spanking paddle by Lord RavenWood – As for wood our very own Lord Raven gets the nod here.  Yes we know it’s almost like nepotism but he’s added a Unfinished Spanking Paddles in Lord Ravens Workshopfew twists to paddle making we think are unique.   Keep in mind all of his paddles are made to order so they take a bit of time depending on demand but are worth the wait.
While he produces wicked little (and not so little) things in a variety of woods (Oak, Hickory, Cherry, and even MDF), Sizes (OTK and non OTK models) and thicknesses (though his personal collection tends to stay on the thuddy side based on Alice’s preferences) there are three “standard” styles one of them is something a little different and features a round impact area that each side provides a different sensation.
Wooden Spanking Paddles by Lord RavenHe also offers custom finishes to make them look like Rattles and Lollipops for the Daddy/Mommy dom and age play types. If you’re interested in LR’s stuff you can drop him a note here or on fet (Lord-Raven).  His official website will be up shortly and be sure to look for him at events in the south east in 2013.
Floggers – The Kink Shop
The Combination Flogger is the hit (no pun intended) with us.  It’s made of a combination of 16 soft tanned deer leather and 8 rubber falls that make the total length 26 inches long.  The most popular feature is the finger tip handles that take a little getting use to the first few times but offers nice fluidity and control once you do. If you get one don’t let Mal play with it if you actually want beat.  Our experience was  he’s more like a twirling moron with martial arts weapons putting on a show than a Dom when we lent him ours.  After a while the novelty wore off and he did get back down to business.
Wax Play
Tender Dom at
It’s something that starts and stops with us, mainly because we’re not all pyros (all the time) and well it is messy as hell when it’s an impromptu scene.  Still sometimes there is nothing like the change of pace that wax can offer.   Tender Dom at offers a variety of wax and candle types, scents, and jars.  The site also features some really great and creative wax work and some instruction and guidance.   The prices seem more than fair and we like that the candles come not only in a huge selection shapes and colors but also include a lower heat Soy wax option for a small up charge.
Erotic Reading
We’re trying something new here so don’t take it the wrong way. Listed our top 6 book picks for this year and why.  We’ve also inserted a widget to make it easier to go find them.

1)      Cheeky Spanking Stories – Yes most of us are spankos, yes we read a lot of these type of spanking stories, yes we really do dig this book.  It’s nice collection of authors with different styles…plus it has a piece by Jade Melisande in it and well Mal really digs her stuff.
2)      Decorative Fusion Knots – The Chesty Blonde gave the book to Mal.  Since then he’s actually tying things up that doesn’t always involve square knots, half hitches, and double coin knots, and on occasion doesn’t even involve people.   It’s essential reading for those that simply like to tie to tie and like pretty bondage.
3)      Gordon – by Edith Templeton – Long before Mommy porn and 50 shades there was Gordon.  It was the first overtly Kinky (fiction) book he ever gave to the Blonde.  Once upon a time it was banned for being indecent and it the tale of an obsessive and controlling love.  Unlike the modern interpretation that is big this year this one is very well written
4)      Playing Well with Others – because if you have friends that have read 50 shades and think they want to start actually playing give them a little something that helps ground them in the reality of fantasy.
5)      The Count of Monte Cristo – You might ask what this one is doing on the list.  At its core it is in our opinions one of the greatest love stories ever told, it also has an amazingly cruel element of revenge that appeals to our sadists and well some people say if you should always be yourself no matter what unless you can be Batman.  In which case you should always choose Batman.  Well if Mal was to be reincarnated as a fictional literary character it would be the Count.
6)      101 Nights of Grrreat Sex by Laura Corn – It’s out on kindle now but Mal and the Blonde have very fond and hot memories when a couple gave them a copy as a gift years ago.  If you prefer paper it is being republished in hard copy in January and is now available for pre-order.  It’s not just for swinger friends monogamous couples will dig it too.
Fetish Wear/Cos Play
Ribbons and Rivets

This is one of the Frolicon finds from the vendor area and in addition to some of their more out of this world options they also had a series of corsets that were stand outs even with the BDSM crowd.
Corset & Bustier

Corset UK (or Corset-Story in the States)- I know it’s hard to believe but some of us…well some more than others like to play dress up.  In the past year a few of the ladies have added to their lingerie collections with purchases from Corset UK.   Yes we know ordering from across the pond may seem like a frivolous thing but their selection of everything from sexy burlesque wear, to everyday, to waist training and well themes such as Goth and fashion (Someone may have just bought the Chesty Blonde a Black Sweetheart, and Blue Corset with Tutu).  Out hint to doing business with them is to select your country in the Select Store Option prior to beginning to shop.  Not that Mal forgot to do that or anything when he was on the site.
Other fun things – Liberator Concept Store Atlanta Ga
If you read any main stream adult magazine or even things like Maxim and GQ you’ve probably seen the ads for Liberator.   What you may not know is in addition to things like the “Wedge”, “Ramp” and “Hipster” they offer a variety of series, shapes, styles, and even better a concept store in the Atlanta area.   Alice walked in and was ready to ditch her day job to sell their wares.  If you’re into fun and playful sex and happen to have some time to kill in the state that seems obsessed with peaches then it’s worth taking a run by. If not of course you can order online.  (Note Liberator is a public company. It doesn’t make them bad it just makes them different when it comes to being on this list. Typically we feature small business run by local or community people)
Electricity & Violent Wand
This is a new category for us but it probably won’t be the last time since its become a popular form of play for a few of us.   This years pick goes to the violent want and grounding ring  (which gives the giver and the receiver similar sensations) from Orchid and Serpent. Depending on how you play and how the frequency is set the sensations can range from mild to intense and the visual effect, assuming you’re not wearing a blind fold that is, only adds another dimension of stimulation.  Bruising may or may not occur if you drive your shoulders into the steel bar of the sex chair your suspended in when cumming with one  but that’s your fault not the wands since you couldn’t just sit still and take it.
Piercing ShopPiercing Experience –  Alice and Lord Raven are both customers of their and have great experiences with them both buying goodies as well as getting a few new piercings.   Nipples did someone say nipples? And did I hear clit ring and a PA?  Anyhow.  If you’re not in the Atlanta Area you can still take advantage of their great selection by ordering through the website.
Tats and Ink
Big Easy Tattoo.   Yes it’s way the fuck out in the sticks if you’re a city guy but still it is the place you’ll find both Mal and Diva in January getting new ink.   Nothing says a completely modern nontraditional family like Father & Actual Daughter tat time.   We were referred there by some very inked friends, we like them they’ve been cool to us during the entire process of getting the designs done (no pressure, very laid back, old school shop vibe) and have lots of friends with their work.
Finally to round this year out our suggestion for the DIY option. Ultra Simple Yet Beautiful Spanking Strap by Brand on Fetlife. Beyond those instructions here’s what not to do.
So it’s a Saturday afternoon and a deviant walks into a leather shop, but it’s not the type of leather shop you might expect the kind with pants and whips and all sorts of premade S&M things run by other deviants and littered with perverted customers.  OH no it’s the type that sells raw materials to make things out of leather.  What could make a typically shy and I know enough to stay away from the soccer mom types go on such an adventure?  The Perfectly Simple Spanking Strap plans from a few years back that he saw on Fet and finally decided he wanted to make.
Our advice is as follows
1)      Do a little (more) homework (than Mal did) before going to Tandy or where ever else you might procure such things. Knowledge is power and as GI Joe said knowing is half the battle.
2)      Don’t get freaked out by the how to make a Indian costume patterns on the wall and the ornate saddle project hanging from the ceiling.  Just breath deep and remind yourself they’re not why you’re there but they have a right to exist too.
3)      And finally don’t panic and yell out “are there any other kinky people here”  when looking for help explaining to the very knowledgeable woman working what you are intending to make.
And Finally the disclaimer;
We assume you know the safe, sane and consensual bit so we’ll spare you the lecture.  This post happens every year and we truly pick what we like and think would make good gifts for the kinky set based on our experiences and feed back from friends.  Assuming the Mayans were wrong we’ll do it again next year. 
This site is not about selling stuff and making commissions because we tell you something gets our rocks off.  There are plenty of sites that do that and it’s cool but its just not us.  This is about what we love, sometimes who we love or lust after, and how we live.  With the exception of Lord Raven who does financially benefit from the sale of his wares (someone has to keep Alice in corsets and heels)  we’re not “affiliates” with these kinky folks in anyway and don’t make a dime.  The snazzy book widget is an affiliate link from Amazon. We don’t care if you use it we just thought it was neat and if we do happen to make any money from it all of the proceeds will be donated to support the Pride events in St Louis in 2013.   
This year Lily over at Aja Rope was very kind and gifted Mal a wonderful piece multicolored hemp rope.  He felt conflicted about it but she was at the top of our list anyway so we accepted and are very grateful and appreciative of the gift.   The Chesty Blonde has declared that she’s not sharing it with other bottoms (You know sometimes she has jealousy issues but we love her anyway). 
We hope you like what we’ve chosen.   Other suggestions are always welcome. If you happen to make or sell kinky items please contact Mal on gmail, twitter, or fet.  Starting in 2013 we will be running a monthly feature on making and caring for toys.  We’re not going to try to sell you advertising or anything else and we don’t expect free stuff.   Its intended to educate and entertain our readers and is just a chance to be featured in a post for sharing your knowledge and passion.


Hand Jobs – Sexually Speaking, They Said

Sexually Speaking He Said She Said Graphic by Malflic.comWelcome to part 3 to the He Said, She Said piece on Hand Jobs.   Malflic wrote the original Male perspective and Alice King wrote the Female piece.  Two Erotica Pieces Followed (Managing His Member & Not Just Another Happy Ending).  In this final installment on the topic the two discussed live Hand Jobs and in typical fashion failed to stay completely on topic but here’s the more useful portion of the conversations.
Malflic (Mal) : It’s on you!  After all, Ladies first.
Alice King (AK): I don’t like being first damn it.  At least not at this kind of stuff.  I love to come first, and second and or third when it comes to some things but not at this.
Mal: So was there anything from the male perspective on hand jobs that struck you as completely off base or maybe something you hadn’t thought about in a while?
AK: Nothing off base other than the fact that I really haven’t been giving any hand jobs to speak of in recent years. It’s funny how you get away from things because there is always so much other cool stuff to check out that sometimes the simple pleasures just get forgotten.
Mal: It’s funny that when writing the article I stopped and went back and recalled people who hadn’t been in my thoughts for 10, or 15, and in some cases even 20 years.  What and how they did things and what I liked then and now.
AK: I actually thought about my first huge hickey which the guy gave me while I was giving him a hand job.   I still laugh about how I went around telling people it was from a soft ball until my brother outed me to my mom that there was no way it was from a ball…of any kind.  Of course it’s not like my mom ever wanted to hear anything about sex.
Mal: I was always being told you can’t keep walking through the house in your underwear or naked so of course that is exactly what I’ve spent my entire life trying to do.  My world is pretty much clothing optional whenever it is appropriate.
AK: Oh I walk through the house and anywhere else I can naked as often as they’ll let me.
Mal: Is there anything else you want to add that you didn’t put in your original article? Like any intense plans to go on a massive hang job spree to make up for lost time?
AK:  There is huge potential for that this coming weekend! (Editor’s Note Alice will be attending Frolicon Easter Weekend which is the alluded to potential)  There is always hope and the opportunity for lots of practice.  Which Ironically since we started this I have been practicing the art of the hand job a lot more often.
Mal: Well I think someone should be sending me a thank you note for the benefits they’re receiving.
AK:  You know after focusing on it again I’m still a no lube kind of girl when it comes to hand jobs.  There’s just something about lube that makes it too sticky and slimy; and not the good kind of job well done sticky and slimy.
Mal: and some of thick stuff!  You might as well be fucking an oil can.   That might actually have a better sensation not that I’ve ever fucked an oil can.
AK: and some of the flavored stuff
Mal:  why the fuck do they even make that stuff.  I know a certain woman who has a drawer full of it.  Really like the world needed a single use vanilla bean flavored lube that all but instantly turns to glue.  Had I bought it, it would have been the end of the fucking world the first time it got sticky.  If I need something with vanilla bean I’ll put my clothes on and head down the street and buy a Crème Brule.   How long do you have to fuck to burn off the calories from a dessert like that?
AK: I don’t even know. I had a bunch of flavored lube until Monday when I started going through the black bag and packing it for this weekend.  We got rid of all most all of the flavored shit.   There was one that had never been opened or used and it just looked nasty.
Mal: So why did you even have that junk? (Not that he has a bias toward bad lube and low quality toys or anything)
AK: I was doing those black bag parties, which is how I got my black bag in the first place. One day in the mail I got it and it was just loaded with all these dildos, and vibes.  All kinds of cools stuff.  So by the time I gave that up I’d amassed quite the collection for myself.  I figured fuck it I know what I like and I’m keeping it.
Mal:  That reminds me a few years back the Blonde went to one of those parties a few neighborhoods over with a bunch of her girl friends.  I guess they were pulling the sex toys out of these foam padded flight cases that each held one or two.  Imagine a pistol case custom built for sex toys.  At the end of the night all the girls were fessing up to what they were ordering and when they ask her what she liked she had to admit that we already owned 90% of them and that I’d bough her the first toys 15 years earlier.  She got a few cool things but it was nowhere near the missing 10%.
AK:  I still have that picture you did for the Naked Nurse with some of your toys laid out on the table.  I just showed it to a few friends and ended up explaining you were into all different types of sensation play not just the heavy impact kind.
Mal: That’s true and probably something I don’t talk as much about as other kinks and interests.  By the way you should definitely add a Wartenberg wheel to your collection. They’re fucking amazing for sensation play.
AK: Oh I’ve got one (We can only imagine her wicked grin)  Someone had forgotten about it until I found it in the bottom of the bag. He had all kinds of fun with it then I took it and had my fun with him going after the area’s I know are the most sensitive.
Mal:  See there’s that Alpha Sub thing again.
AK: Who me? Just because the first place I went was the one I knew was most sensitive on him as his eyes rolled back into his head.  Which then lead to some hand job practice.  So there you go it just all ties in.
Mal: That’s a great point you can work other things into a simple hand job to make it unique.
AK: In fact I was trying from your write just working with the thumb.  That is really interesting.
Mal: It was just a magical skill.  I’ve never met anyone else who could just give a hand job once the guy was hard by just using their thumb on the head.  It certainly wasn’t hard and fast but she had this amazing skill I’ve never found in another human being.
AK:  (giggling) Now I have a new goal of trying to obtain that skill.
Mal: I left out the fire starter story. I don’t think I’ve even told you this one.  I had one partner who’s big thing was rolling my dick between her hands, just like you would a pencil or anything else.  Think of using a stick to start a fire with basic friction like in some old cowboy movie.  She would vary not just the speed but the pressure from her entire hands to just the palm by the pinkies down by the base to her index fingers up on the head; using a back and forth rolling motion to adjust her hand position on my dick. When she was working right on the head’s underside, on the glands it was a whole new sensation and very, very different.
AK: and there’s the key doing different things so there is different feels. Variety even in the basics takes you some where completely different and you end up finding something totally new.  Now I’m just looking at all my toys.   Can you hear my wheel?
Mal: No but I hear a lot of, umm, nondescript buzzing.
If you’ve enjoyed this month’s Sexually Speaking He Said She Said Series be sure to check back next month where the topic will be sensations.  Or knowing Alice & Mal Sinsations which will most likely get a little heated in one way or another.

Preparing for the Apocalypse the Malflic Way in 6.66 Easy Steps

Once upon a time early in my career I stood on my desk and sang “it’s the end of the world A Womans Cleveage and sultry lipsas we know it” in its entirety as the most senior person in the business (TR) resigned to the CEO.  I then went on to take over that corporate empire jumping people many times more senior than me.  Never underestimate the abilities of some ambitious prick; otherwise you’ll end up working for him.  But seriously back to the case at hand.   It’s 2012 and I hear the world is going to end according to Nostradamus, They Mayan Calendar, a group of marginally stable Jesus freaks, some nut job on the corner and every major political party if you just asked them.   Much like when TR resigned and I took over his world and ran an opportunistic and exploitive scorched earth policy to grow things bigger and faster than ever I figure the end of the world might be just my kind of opportunity.
So how to prepare for the end of the world Malflic style in 6.66 easy steps.
1)      Population control.  Sorry but with limited resources left after the beginning of the end it just seems like a good place to start.   With that in mind I’ve decided to buy 4 pallets of lubed condoms, 10,000 assorted vibrators, and roughly 4 million batteries.   If the world is ending the more people screaming “OH GOD” for the right reason the better.
2)      Hooch, whiskey, and white lightning.   Living in the fertile mid west I figured I can make more wine after the fact by taking over a few key vineyards and farming regions by either using my boyish charm…or by force.  Either way I have little clue how to make rum, vodka, whiskey etc although as I’ve mentioned before I did have a great uncle killed when his moonshine operation blew up so I’m pretty sure I can figure out white lightning after the fact just based on genetics.  But for those other fine spirits well a well stocked underground warehouse located in a secret location will be obtained and filled with all the best booze.   Why all the hooch…because as the world goes to hell I don’t want to be the only sober non bible thumper at the party.
3)      Obtain oodles of Sun Screen – Failure to prepare properly will result in premature aging and let’s face it from all the drinking and fucking that will be going on the last thing anyone needs at the ongoing Armageddon party is a desperate request for a dermatologist due to “exposure issues”.
4)      Male to female ratio for long term sustainability– Looking at traditional roles men are good for fighting, farming, and fucking but to stave off extinction it makes more sense to me to keep a 10 to 1 female to male ratio.   Go higher if you dare but personally I’m barely man enough to have relationships of any type with 10 women in our “civilized society” that comes equipped with a black credit card and suites at the Ritz let alone trying to repopulate the earth and father a new army.
5)      Seeds not genetically modified by George Bush’s friends at MonFucking You.   Because the reality is we’re going to have to feed ourselves to keep our energy up and to make more hooch. A nice mix of fruits and veggies would be essential but may I also suggest as a the uncesnsored version of the pop song included in this post suggests “a few LED’s now I’m growing some trees. It’s a sweet fucking hustle don’t knock it.”  The point is keep a stoner buddy in the mix after all there is going to be a massive shortage of rope, textiles, and oil and like the Grateful Dead or not Hemp fits the bill grows quick and probably won’t be considered a “moral issue” after the man has annihilated his own bullshit institutions.     Odds are you can get Mr or Miss Weedy to also grow other shit since munchies without a Denny’s or ISLOP are going to need to be dealt with.
6)      Tools, Weapons, and Raiding the local Wally World and Dom Depot – Let’s just say the world is starting further down that downward spiral.  The first thing I’m doing is getting in my SUV and getting my hands on every gun, bullet, knife, ax and hand tool I can. Followed by reloading supplies, textiles, food stores etc.   Why not got for the food first?   It seems like the right idea but if I have enough well armed psychotic blood thirsty friends who are killing to keep their morally questionable horny female companions drunk, fed, and sexed up we can just kill the pacifist and take their food and anything else we damn well please.  After all the world is ending and its no time to be a Pussy.  Which leads me to the final point…
6.66) Invade France – Consider it a practice run for surviving and dominating the remaining parts of the real world.  Ear plugs are highly recommended so you can’t hear the sissy bitches whining.

A much needed evening

The house was dark as she pulled up. It was quiet as she entered.  No screaming kids. No barking dog. No car on the other side of the garage.  Was there something that she had forgotten? Somewhere she was supposed to be?   Nothing came rushing back to her as she entered the side door. She walked into the kitchen and noticed two candles flickering on the table. A sweat-filled glass of white wine sat next to the candles.

Dropping her coat and walking toward the table, she sipped the wine and read the note instructing her to head upstairs.  Taking her time, she took the glass in hand and made her way slowly to the bedroom.  It was empty and dark but she could see a faint light from the bathroom and she heard his shuffling steps.

“Hello,” she called out.

“In here,” he replied.

Making her way to the door, she found a well- warmed room.  The tub was drawn, and the sweet smell of her favorite bath oil lingered in the air.  With a deep ‘hello’ kiss, he wasted no time in unbuttoning her blouse and kissing her chest as he bared it completely.  In another 30 seconds, her skirt hit the floor followed by the release of her stockings. Already, he was teasing her damp pussy through her panties as she murmured with delight. “Where is everyone? she asked. “How long do we have?”

  He smiled wickedly and replied “Long enough, my love. Long enough.”  Such a vague answer concerned her.  Had he forgotten their planned night out was Saturday?  What about tomorrow with their friends?

“How about until brunch on Sunday?”  ,he added to put her mind at ease.  His hands caressed her body as their tongues chased each other.  Picking her up, she ground against his firm but still fully-covered cock until he set her down by the tub.

She reached to unbutton his pants, wanting him then and there … without any sentiment and without waiting.  He moved behind her as their shadows danced together through the candlelight. The light caught the blue water in the tub. She pressed into him and leaned forward as he held he hips.  She was certain he couldn’t resist, but he stepped back and smacked her bottom playfully. “Not yet. I want you to wait for me. Now would you please get in the tub?”

She sat on the edge of the tub, her legs spread shamelessly wide. He wasn’t going to fuck her that instant, but she knew he was watching her closely as she as turned and slowly entered into the water, dragging her finger along the top of the warm, shiny water.

He barely finished saying, “ I have friend for you to play with,” when her mind began swimming in the possibilities of who he had invited over to join in the action.  Was there another couple waiting in the next room to be brought in to join them?  That’s when it caught her eye. Something new was sitting in the basket with the spongers and the soaps. It was the pink ducky from the catalog.

That’s when she knew what he meant.  She loved to make her herself get off in front of him. The tease would play with herself and have him watch as she would work herself into a frenzy with her own hands and whatever toys or items happened to be near by.

“Since you seem to want to wait, I guess I’ll have to find a good use for that little duck,” she smirked, turned to pick it up, flipped it on and plunged it immediately between her legs. He calmly sipped his drink and sat down on the counter top to watch as she moved it over her lips. She pressed the toy against her clit as it buzzed away beneath the warm water that was lapping at her chest.  Her fingers ran over her own thighs and across her chest.  She let herself go into the thoughts of what was coming next. Soon, he was standing next to tub and next to her. Tonight, she could tell that he wasn’t in the mood to watch for long.

Not one to miss the opportunity, she stood up, immediately turned to him and grabbed his throbbing cock, stroking it until it was as hard as she had ever felt it.  “Now… are you finally going to put that fat thing in my pussy?”

He simply smiled.  When her mouth was at its the filthiest, she was at her very best.

She loved his cock –  it was so thick and long – and filled her in a way that made her want scream with delight almost instantly, though she had never quite told him that.

Her wet arms wrapped around his neck, working herself onto him, the head of his cock pressing into the edge of her, then deeper and deeper.   With one fabulously orchestrated motion, he slid into her until he had filled her. There wasn’t anything left to give.  He paused to feel her pussy straining against him and knew that she still wanted even more.

With her slippery body, she began sliding over him. Again and again he filled her, her wet legs wrapped around his hips.  His hands were on her dripping ass and one rouge finger toyed with its hole as she arched her back so her shoulders were braced against the wall. A hand was now firmly rubbing her clit as she held on with the other.  Her hips were rising and falling, the hardness of him throbbing inside of her with each motion.  She was getting closer and closer to cumming., She held it off and let it build, until her body tensed and she couldn’t fight it.

Her legs still quivered as her feet again touched the water-soaked floor. She noticed that water from the tub was now all over the bathroom. “Looks like your cock still needs some more attention.”  Her hands stroked its length slowly at first. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. With her thumb rubbing the underside of its head, her touch alternated between a soft and light stimulating caress and moved to friction- filled tight grasped pulls that seemed like she wanted to desperately to jerk him off.

“I know I was just in the tub, but I feel like a dirty girl.” Her hands were lubing him up, She now clenched the ducky in a death grip between her legs as she worked to intensify the vibrations.

He took a step back and opened the closet door. From a box on the top shelf,he first removed the biggest vibe in their collection and one small, but powerful one.

Just as she had done earlier, she turned her back to him and stood against him, moving her ass against his cock until he was fully erect and she could felt the heat of his body against hers as she ground away.  His hands cupped her tits as he pulled and pinched her nipples.  She moaned in delight, as he placed a toy on her stomach and inched it down slowly.

She was dripping wet at the thought of how soon it would be buzzing powerfully against her. He rubbed it between her labial lips, pausing on her clit and then pressed it against her as the toy entered through her entire length and the intensity increased.   Her hand took the toy from his. Purring with desire as he kissed her neck, his cock bulging into her as she came again.

“Mmm, still feeling dirty, maybe even a little dirtier than before.”  She felt insatiable, both of his hands pinching her dark nips painfully hard now.  She melted into the sensation. “My pussy is so empty and it need to be full.” The vibe was still pressing on her clit as she bent over the counter and two of his fingers slid in.  His hand moved through her with a quickening intensity, her hips pressing backwards into his motions to increase the force and depth of each thrust.

Finger fucking her to the point of breathlessness, he could anticipate that she wanted still more, so he slid the large vibe in.  His cock was fat, but the toy was thicker and longer than any man she had ever knew.

“My tight little pussy”  she pleaded. “Push it deeper.”  The buzzing end was straining against her. “ Fuck me faster. Fuck me harder,” she instructed. Her voice strained as he increased the pace to meet her demands. Harder was an unspoken given.

A few moments later he had had enough of watching, so he drove himself as deep into her as he could, over and over again.  His hips smacked off of her cute little ass with each powerful thrust, the sound of flesh meeting flesh.  She caught her reflection in the mirror.  Her tits bouncing feverishly as he filled her again and again. One of her arms was still wet and was outstretched to brace herself. Her other arm was still thrust between her legs with the vibe in hand as she came endlessly while he exploded inside of her.

It was exhilarating. She hadn’t been bent over and pounded that well in quite some time., Not that she was complaining, but every so often a good hard screw is just what the doctor ordered.  Catching her breath before she stood, he placed the large vibe against her ass.  It buzzed slowly as she looked back at him.

“You said you were feeling dirty,” he said with another wicked smile, “ but I wouldn’t want to wear you out for tomorrow.”

Heading into the darkness toward the bedroom, she looked toward where she knew he stood. “Oh, you can put that in my ass, but you also have to put your dick in my pussy at the same time.”

He smiled back at her, “Or… the other way around?”

Turning the corner around the door, she replied playfully, “Now, you really have my attention.”