“Hey, what are you trying to say?
I told you that I’m not gonna back away
Because this time there’s a price to pay…”
Take It All – Pop Evil
“Hey, what are you trying to say?
I told you that I’m not gonna back away
Because this time there’s a price to pay…”
Take It All – Pop Evil
“She likes the boys in the band, she knows when they come to town.”
Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson
“And in a way it seems there’s no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find
But you can’t win this fight”
“Welcome to the Family” Avenged Sevenfold
A Brief Intro and some Assumptions
So I see you’re a masochist. How did I know? Well for starters you’re here reading this totally irreverent not at all to be taken seriously and I’m really just procrastinating from doing other work “Essential Sex Toy Soup Reading Companion”. Then again maybe if it’s good enough the Chicken Soup people will be inspired and think I could actually help someone’s soul, So lube up, sit down (or bend over or lay on your back, really it’s not a scene you pick your position of choice) Can you imagine the speaking tour with me throwing hot soup and gigantic phallic symbols at an unsuspecting god fearing audience? It would be more fun than the law probably would allow! Especially in Alabama. Anyhow since there probably isn’t a Soup and Dildo Ted talk in my future let’s begin with Part One the Utter Fail. Oh and if you don’t want to read my BS and just look at pictures go Perv the Sex Toy Soup Sinful Sunday Post.
Well It’s that time of the month and Molly puts out the sinful Sunday Prompt on Sex Toys. Instantly I know what I’m going to to do. A spoof on the “Our Little Secret” Album Cover from the Lords of Acid. After all I love the Lords! Most people miss the Cock going down the leg the first few times they see the album cover eapecially if its the fold out version tjstbstops at barebstomach and thebfick me dirty look. Well I get the bright idea that recreating it with a giant dildo down each leg will be twice as hysterical! So working with that in mind I begin to plan the “Our Little Secrets” post. See the “S“? Plural, two cocks right? More sex toys stuffed down my jeans in a picture is truly the stuff of comedic genius!
Look Up! See the Cock hiding on her leg? Hard to miss right?
So after much reflection, soul searching and intellectual debate I decide the bring “Big Pink” the giant hot pink dildo hidden on most of my profile pics for years out of retirement. Plus it’s the biggest one we own. So still in need of a giant second cock began rifling through our toy bags like a size queen at a stud market. Finally opting for the Tantus Vamp.
The next step was to set up the camera. Then off to find my gray jeans that were skin tight last time I wore them. In an act of mercy decided to spare the world a view of my bare midriff belly since I’m built more like Buddha than an underwear model. So with great care, concern and planning too the two giant Dildos that would run from crotch to a few inches above my knee and positioned them inside my boxer briefs, adjusting my own junk out of the way in the process. It was hysterical, one pink and one blue cock peeking out. So I slipped into my jeans and then it hit me. “Fuck, to these jeans feel awfully loose”.
Folks healthy living, moderation in many things, and exercise including yoga and running are wonderful things. As fate would have it I’ve dropped a few moreq pounds which makes my cardiologist happy and might make me more attractive to some however the problem with that is when you wanted tight jeans and apparently you have lost 2-3 inches off each thigh in the past few months and you can no longer get a decent dick print in your jeans even with two huge sex toys stuffed in your boxers and running down your thighs. Fuck, Fuck Fuck!
I changed camera angles, I tried to find bigger sex toys…but let’s face it the ones I already picked were about as big as anyone I play with would want to have inserted into them. I tried to find skinnier jeans…and stopped just short slipping into my winter running tights and looking like some 80’s hairband reject….but no one really needs to see that. As Fleet wood Mac once put it. “I can’t Sing, I ain’t pretty and my legs are thin.” which for me in a relatively new phenomena. So my hilariously fiendish “Our Little Secrets” post was officially foiled by the fact that while my legs were thinner yet they were still not sticks like the Model from the album cover that served as inspiration (and probably never will be) yet were too thin for anything I owned to give a decent dick print in. First world deviant problems. Sex Toys would require a different approach.
So it’s Wednesday morning, 4:58am Local time to be specific. There are 14 ounces of coffee waiting for me but no sweetener on the counter. I slide open the pantry and right there at eye level is the moment of inspiration. Now If I was really Warhol it would have happened on a 8 day bender during an orgy and I’d have stolen the idea from some younger more talented guy. But let’s face it I’ll never be that cool or that stoned so it was a still sleepy pre coffee induced haze and an eye level can of soup that caused the inspiration. This time though I was going to be “authentic”. And by authentic I mean actually do the editing myself using a real program, hand picking every color, and then add a snappy little phrase onto each one. Which only after the fact did I realize was more a a Vonnegut thing than Warhol but hey ho. I consider them both to be among my favorite artists so I stayed the course.
Along the way I have been thinking about two recent posts of mine. Both daring for me in their own way. Most recently was “Rough” which gave a dark look into how I see myself despite how I present myself to the world. I used a pre-made “Warhol” editor on that one. I found it interesting that women who know me and see the polished me found something attractive in a picture I did not. It was a pleasant surprise. Additionally something about Maria’s comment on how art that makes the artist uncomfortable is what makes for great art from my “Only the Tip” picture has really really stuck with me. Then came a tweet from HT-Honey for “edited opportunity” that referenced a session at Eroticon by Molly on editing. I am a notorious non editor (both of written word and photographs) and saw this as a chance to force myself into something new.
So really why Sex Toys and Warhol – Well both have been big influences in my life. Sex and Sex Toys more than Andy but still. When I go to my home city which is often i find myself dawn to the museum that bears his name more than any other…any where for that matter . And I still find myself despite this wonderful age of online shopping can be found wondering across the rivers and bridges by tje Warhol to the old streets with the porn shops from a by gone era to look at toy’s the modern me would never buy due to their low quality, jelly based, less than obvious sex toy nebulous substances.. Taking cocks and cheap pocket pussies out of the equation. Warhol’s ability to change, and even abandon previously successful works and styles has always fascinated me. I am always wanting or trying to reinvent myself professionally. Much of the works while innovative for the period aren’t nearly as edgy or even as technically proficients as his contemporaries or the great masters. Yet his ability to live his own odd life appeals to me. In many waysnitbisbwhatbibdo…live differently. And it is the year of the Orgasm. There are a few reviews that need to be published that we’ve played with and hopefully some more to do after that.
Thick Dildo Soup – Sure to Fill You Up – All of the pictures were actually edited using Gimp and also infran view for the colorization, I found the swap color feature there worked much better for me as a novice and then they were of course resized for the web. This one featured the Previously mentioned The Tantus Vamp . To be honest it’s not a favorite of thethe Blonde as she prefers slimmer toys but I like the look and reaction the size gets when we have used it.
Waves of Pleasure in Your Soup.- Really I wanted to follow the slogan with MMMMMMMMM Oh my Fucking God Good! But figured that might be a bit much. This time opting to returned the can to more or less it’s original color scheme and accentuate the Blue Echo Dildo with orange highlights.
The two Butt Plug Themed Creations were again created using Tantus Sex Toys and in this care both were from the Perfect Plug Kit. Which is really why this post exists. Because I’ve been putting the review for the plugs. Not for any real reason other than I just don’t feel like writing something structured and chose to pursue something frivolous and slightly more fun that dimensions. Much like the first piece the color of the toy is unedited. Instead I built the other color scheme’s around it. in “a Bigger Buzz” after the fact it struck me as ironic the color choice for the can which could just as easily have been a Florida vacation resort’s mix (Pink and Blue) as well as an Age players. The Background of Blue and yellow was again serendipity but matches the Marriage Equality stickers from a few years back that still adorn a few things around the house.
So let’s review – My jeans are too loose, my sex toys would not leave the quality of dick print I wanted. I have intentionally copied Warhol and accidentally mimicked Vonnegut. It may be unspoken but I have fought the urge to use sex toys along with Presidential Election propaganda. Mainly because most educated people know those running are all dorks anyway. And now ratherrather than ramble on i guess it’s time to get back to writing something that is a but more useful.
First a Vonnegut Work
And Finally A Copy of Warhol’s Work that inspired this load of BS
We’ll It’s time for this months Sinful Sunday Theme Submission. The prompt was essentially Sex Toys and seeing as my state of mind is still askew from even my version of normal I opted to take the Andy Warhol Theme from last week one (or four) steps furthers and create a Series of Sex Toy Soup Themed images playing on his interpretation of the Campbell’s Soup can. After all what is more American then Pop Art Stolen from another Person’s idea, Campbell’s Soup, Dildos and Butt Plugs all put together?
For anyone who is interested and truly in jest there is the “The Essential Sex Toy Soup Reading Companion”. Ok part 3 is really just to remind myself how I did this as much anything. Also there’s some humorous insight into why the fuck I put Dildo’s and Butt Plugs into a Sex Toy Soup themed Post. The short answer is “Plan A” Didn’t work.
Click the Lips to see all the other very sexy sinners!
So this was taken before departing and is being posted in abstentia. Sure i was in vacation mode.
So while the girls were finishing make up and dressing. Deciding on mail colors and styles of braids. It was after the insanity of packing, outfit selection, make up sharing and countless other issues i didn’t have to consider. I just laid on the couch drinking coffee and watching sports high lights until it was time to begin my pack mule routine.
They would make lousy nomads but who gives a fuck? Not me i was in vacation mode!
I wanted to call this post “Molly Made me Do It” & the truth is I did decide to take the landscape photos based on an exchange of notes between us but beyond that it really was a lot of fun for me but more about that a little later.
I haven’t written about it much in recent years but I get to live an amazing life even outside of my kinks. And yes there is always demands on my time and never enough time for the fun stuff but the picture above is an example of how lucky I really am. I get to see and travel to a lot of major places and occasionally make my way off the beaten path.
Life is most often filled with Beautiful Places and things. All dolled up and glamorous, food for the eyes, fuel for creativity, and of course a respect for the artists that can create such displays. This picture was taken when my fits of insomnia led me to be out and walking between two hotels though the indoor mall right at the break of day.
And Increasingly I find that parts of my life have begun to blend together. That serendipity, good fortune or just plain old dumb luck seem to for the most part be working in my favor. That random things like passing a hotel that had just earlier in the day been discussed with a friend half a world away would ironically be the way my cabbie took me to the airport. And those little things make me smile and distract me from all the other demands for a few moments.
As always nothing goes as planned but that isn’t necessarily bad since on the way back after delays as the old saying goes “good things come to those who wait”. In this case I loved how the angle of the sun made the desolate Oklahoma landscape look like it was filled with deep blue ponds. it seemed to fit perfectly the largely different landscapes of the country.
Yet only a few hours later catching Chicago’s shoreline from the air at sunset gave it a deep blue ocean hue rather that the murky brown. the sky and the water meld together as the light of the day escaped. The simplicity of the field had given way to the hurried streets of a major city.
But the one thing that often gets lost whether it’s the real city streets or recreated one like you see here.
The facade and glamor of a high end place or the truly special a lingering dinner lake side with friends and laughter…and yes beautiful women.
Eventually everything will go sideways. it’s unavoidable. Then again it’s all about perspective. the first photo in this post was taken from the top of the Strip. This was taken from the plane on my way out of town. I left it sideways on purpose because that is how often things feel in my world. that they are not aligned, that when you look beyond the pretty shapes, the pretense and the facade it is a few fleeting memories, time with friends, a few words typed or exchanged and what ever stolen moments we can get away from the obvious that matters. When it comes to stage attire it is mean to be viewed at a distance otherwise you run the risk of seeing through the illusion and fantasy. Life is the opposite you need a little distance to be able to truly see the beauty and what is real, even if that’s not what you expected.
The truth is I’m often envious of my fellow bloggers photos. I tried earlier this year to do a 365 project on another site of mine and it was after a few weeks an utter failure. Since then I started shooting a pic every now and again and sending it to a friend as a way to stay in touch and also be a bit of a tease…well weather wise anyhow. This week since i couldn’t send sunshine back to the UK for Molly I added her to my very short list of folks to share pictures with. In a way it was odd for me. After all I love her photography and find the images she takes and shares so memorable and well constructed that the concept of sending her my feeble attempts seemed odd but none the less fun. I don’t normally shoot people but rather have an obsession with places and hallways. Mainly because that is the place when walking thing lengths that I most often get to have my thoughts to myself. And perhaps I’ll add landscapes to the city scapes I’m so often fond of. I’ve not written these words of late but much of the time I do live alone in very public spaces, and that works because it lets me disappear into the night just often enough with friends and loves to make the rest of it all worth while.
On a personal level life continues to change and evolve if only my relationship status was complicated things would be better however since that’s not the case I’ll just role with it and enjoy the friends i have when I can find the time. I’m working on updating my sexual bucket list and had a noteworthy and often not talked about experience this past week that I’ll share shortly.
This post is long overdue. It’s the follow up to the Naked Nurses Piece over a month ago. In my usual introspective fashion I’ve debated this one; however far more than most. I was going to write it from the photographer’s perspective. After all I can hide behind the camera and no one would have though less of it. In fact I do it a lot but just not with the type of pictures you see here (if you know happen to know my birth name I’ll be starting a 365 project on that site beginning with the new year). Funny for all the erotic things I do when it comes to taking pictures I prefer empty city streets, random hotel corridors, the passing view from a car or out a plane window. Broken down buildings, tattered entry ways, shadows and desolation in urban centers; there is a beauty in the decay, a wonder in the effects of time, and shifts in economic influences. Of course that would have been easy. A few weeks back they put more Men in Sinful Sunday Movement took shape and burned itself into my mind. Sliver Hubby’s photo stood out, his sentiment bold and brave along with others such as John D whose photos I often admire made me look deeper into my own view.
In a twist of irony Molly just put up her latest Sinful Sunday round up out while I was typing this. It’s a great example of the type of pictures I love. In fact I was at dinner with my family this past weekend when Penny put hers out (NSFW version is what I linked to here) in an Instagram friendly manner. So I showed it off and we talked about how fun it was over a family meal. I could drown in her eyes! A day later I debated with the Chesty Blonde whether Cammies’ Pic reminded me of a classic photographers work I couldn’t recall or simply a beautiful Film Noir type image. Stepping away from those example I see most of the images as art and admire the courage and beauty of the subjects. Note perfect is not what catches my eye, in fact something too perfect doesn’t usually work for me. I like honest, or playfully staged not a perfect romantic or erotic image like a romance cover. Rather a combination of reality and honesty. I envy Molly’s creativity.
Still none of that answers the question of why I hate to be in front of the camera, the subject of the picture. My body is not perfect, yet that doesn’t really bother me. Physically speaking I know what a freak show I am in terms of strength. For a while I lied to myself and said maybe if I was thinner, younger, had a porn star’s cock I want to be in more pictures. Then I looked back to when I was thinner and younger and could fuck for days without a break. The pictures were the same. It was me in a younger body doing exactly what I do now. I was composed, everyone else was in jeans and a T, I would be in dress pants or a suit, if on stage everyone was in jeans or spandex I would either be in leather or the brightest outfit of all making a spectacle of myself. Clothes are a representation of how I want to be perceived forever. For an ugly straight guy I think and know a lot about clothes a lot. I can tell you if you have a good tailor and can point out what I love in each of my favorite garments.
My body even at the height of my physical form years ago was a staged and crafted image. I can look at others and see the beauty, see the unrepressed sexuality, the wonderful freedom of their exposure. And what do they see of me? A peek of a shoe, a glimpse of my closet, the empty spaces I peer at when alone in public places, a few hopefully witty lines as I share some view of my world but never really an image of me. Sure a flash of an arm, a glimpse of my belly, my hand on someone’s ass. I could lie and say it’s because of anonymity, but I could show more and keep that; yet I choose to stay hidden.
Debates have been had over me doing the scavenger hunt. I’m sure they’ll continue but I struggle to see the merit. My contribution would be what? Me exposed? I love seeing others but can’t see myself in the same light.
I’m not shy, I’m not modest but despite that I’m also in my physical form simply not art. I admire all of those who can share yourselves that way. Perhaps one day I’ll join you until than have you seen my newest shoes?
I had been a model of sorts (and of no acclaim) years and years ago. Doing what one who knows me would expect…preppie catalog shoots (think J Crew on a budget) and industrial training films. Perhaps that’s what tainted me? Although that’s not true. Looking back I hate those pictures of myself, the ones I love are me outback of a dive bar before a show in tattered jeans surrounded by the Children of the Damned types. Me on the floor in a puddle of sweat, my long stringy hair as disheveled as my undernourished body and staving soul. Of me in a black double breasted suit, hair slicked back like a B movie gangster with a group of women too drunk and morally liberal to know better than to spend time with me. Even the ones of me walking into my wedding reception I wore a mask, elegant yes but a facade none the less, of course it went perfectly with my Tux.