Best of works are older pieces originally posted else where, typically they are humorous looks into my less than normal day to day life.
Greetings yet again from sin city, if I had a fifth place I called home there is no doubt that this would be it based on the amount of times I seem to make it here every year. As an update to my gambling losses I’m down, every red cent I bet this year but on the up side it amounts to 8 bucks (2 per trip). I was up 80 and blew it all, most gamblers will laugh but for me to not walk when I go up a nickel is a rare event. Now on to the sites and sounds on the strip this time around.
So Thursdays here start to get busy and with the big fight weekend coming up the news predicted of dire situations and “escalating gang violence” from all the LA hoodlums that were going to show up for the week end. The erratic and alarmist news caster reassured the viewing public that it would be nothing like the rampant violence and massive crime problems encountered during the most recent Democratic National Convention oh wait it wasn’t the DNC it was the RNC, wait that’s wrong too it was the NBA all Star weekend. I took a deep and relieved breath knowing that it would be bad but not that bad Still I was prudent and kept on the look out for commie bastards, any potential members of the Axis of Evil, and anyone who might attract the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />Clintons, G.W., or Al Sharpton. What they should have warned me about were the 5 Japanese senior citizens in the suite next to mine that would converse at a seemingly in human speed and laugh merrily at a sleep depriving level all night long the first two nights.
So as I finished my business and began roaming the strip last night me and another middle aged white guy in our blatantly demure corporate causal attire, served as a testament to the possibility that there would be escalating fiduciary responsibility in Sin City along with the gang presence. Yes the first two horsemen of the apocalypse had arrived reprobate financiers and drug dealers. Get thee to a nunnery and may god have mercy on your soul!
The only sign of things that had begun escalating was all the fat mid westerns roaming up and down the blvd after grazing gluttonously at the no longer bargain priced buffets . After stops at the Bellagio, NY NY and Caesar’s we headed toward Treasure Island.
Oh sure people had been trying to hand us pictures of mostly nude women who would love to visit us for a fee of course but standing waiting to cross in front of Treasure Island the treasure of the evening occurred. A completely inebriated, perhaps inebriated is too polite of a word, let’s start this over a completely shit faced drunk about to pass out in the gutter with all three sheets in the wind woman looks out of her electric monkey shit blue Bimmer with the top down and asks the youngish couple next to us. “is that your girlfriend?”
Frankly neither of us had noticed the couple before, we were too busy noticing the long legged show girl type strutting in front of us, the Latina with lovely hips and thin wispy skirt and the miracle of modern science in the see through blouse and dark nips standing in all their glory that were beaming at us as much as her pearyl whites that she flashed a little wider with each bouncing stride.
So on to the lesbians. Taking in the pair neither was over 5’3″one was dressed looked a slightly hippy McDonald’s eating out of shape skater boy in a ball cap, baggy pants sneakers and t shirt. If the question hadn’t been asked I wouldn’t have thought her to be female, I wouldn’t have looked close enough. The other in a short denim skirt that showed off her short, thick legs and full round ass. Not unattractive but compared to the surroundings not in the top 30% either, she had a cute little round girl next door face, longish dark hair and a good sized chest. These were not the male idealized sexy hot play toy porno lesbians that the adult video companies portray in their fantasy indulging productions. They were just a real people and a real couple out on the street.
As the boyish looking one replied that the other was in fact her girlfriend and took her protectively by the hand. The drunk hot long dark eyed brunette in the bimmer (who was flanked by an even hotter disassociated looking blond and two Latin lover types in the back seat) began to blighter on how cute the young lesbo was.
She then eventually she called out ” I’d so fuck your girlfriend!” The butch one got pissed, it was more akin to the starting linebacker from a football team’s reaction if the president of the high school chess club tried to advance his bishop to capture afore mentioned linebacker’s queen and began screaming back indignantly about how she wouldn’t. As the light changed and the bimmer pulled out the young couple crossed the street and the pair began to argue. They argued about the stranger’s proposition, they argued about how the other lacked a sense of fidelity. The cute one tried to reassure her, she took her hand, she stopped threw her arms around her and kissed held her partner, quite lovingly.
Now any of us who have been around the block know that some people can kiss anyone they want to lovingly and with a heated passion at any time they need to so while it could have been genuine affection it also could have been an attempt to hide past infidelities and trysts. The butch girl wasn’t buying,.. as we walked up the street a few more blocks you could see her discomfort, you could see her fear and I could remember how un-fulfilling, desperate, unstable, and all consuming young love was and seemingly still is.
How passion and uncertainty of a future could vanish in an instant, in the very second that something better came along. Gone with little or no regret by one party and a large gaping wound on the other, the uncertain one the one who failed to see the futility in their devotion and love, and the lack of intention and genuine reciprocation.
The cute one pleaded, she implored, she border on begging her lover to believe her that there was no one else that she had no interest in anyone else, not at that moment not ever, clutching at her, reaching for her hand, stopping just short of a Shakespearian act of throwing herself on to Las Vegas Blvd. to prove her own devotion. A cold hurt shoulder still existed. Perhaps it was and I am merely speculating here that the butch girl would have jumped at the opportunity to have a dalliance with the drunkard in the car.
Fuck I would have done her and to put it in crude layman’s terms, she was a woman who wouldn’t just look good bent over a sofa, she was in fact very hot, quite pretty facially and seemingly open sexually speaking …sure I knew nothing more about her than the Quarreling couple she could have had a host of un-redeeming characteristics other than her adult beverage consumption rate to go with her looks but for them moment we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
As my counter part in crime ( or fiduciary responsibility) for the evening turned to me after four speechless blocks and stated “you don’t hear that every day”
I shrugged and said “I guess just because you live an alternative lifestyle doesn’t mean you don’t have the same problems of jealousy and insecurity. If she likes a she and she and she likes a she ,then I don’t see why the butch one didn’t return the proposition with and “I and I’d so like to fuck you too Making it a ménage three.”
He stopped and corrected my French saying don’t you mean trois ?” “No I meant three it rhymes better with she.” He looked perplexed and we headed back to Agent Provocateur to consider wasting money on an iridescent blue garter, g-string and matching mostly sheer bra that his wife will never wear, not for him, not for herself. Sometimes I just don’t understand people.
I did however ever see a woman at 3:30am posing in a hotel lobby lips puckered up kiss to a Wayne Newton poster, her friend snapped a picture, then she turned hiked up her skirt revealing a thong and placed her backside with amazing skill and dexterity on poor old Wayne’s face as if he were about to spring to life and get her off. Her friend snapped another pic and security arrived to discuss their behavior. Stumbling into the limo not from intoxication but fatigue I was passed by a woman that for some reason reminded me of the old Motley Crue song Same Old Situation and a line from training day soundtrack at the same time ” …with a Portuguese time piece named Karen”
These thing also go into the category of things I don’t and never will understand.