Pride – Supporting Love and Other Thoughts

 
PRideSTL.org logoI got a few blank stares last week when I forgot not all of the world is as open minded as I am and stated that Lil and I would be attending the local Pride festivities this past weekend to support friends who will be married later this week.
That aside understanding this is a lightning rod issue for many in the States I felt it was important to be honest when asked about my plans even in my Vanilla life and by friends with in my profession. In a way it was a political statement of what i support and believe as a person.   After all I am often viewed by others as a very conservative person (and fiscally and in business it is true); this would in a small way counter that. Being viewed as traditional and conservative is ironic to those who know about my kinks and lifestyle but more importantly I like to think that my attendance there was twofold.
First and foremost to show support for my friends who love each other. Marriage to them is vitally important for a variety of reasons most people who live in a world filled with straight people simply don’t get. In a large way it “legitimizes” (their word not mine) their feelings for each other but beyond that is everything from legal status and benefits (visting in the hospital, insurance policies, etc) to silly simple things like being able to rent a car without having to pay the $20 “additional driver” fee that isn’t charged to a person’s legal spouse.
So Lil and I arrived early and over breakfast prepared her not for the onslaught of Gay people because that wasn’t necessary; we’ve always had friends of every orientation around but the potential of running into protestors. Which ties into the second reason we were there to in a small way to stand up to the hate speech so often heard on the issue by opposing sides calling God’s “will” into favor.
A little while later we found our friends, picked out a great spot in front of the Opera house and waited for the festivities to begin. It’s funny my straight (Non kink/Non-life Style) friends often look at me like I’m nuts for being so open about supporting gay rights. I do realize the political and career liability of it but feel strongly enough that it is worth the risk. And that is before you even begin to get into the fact that many people in my life that I’m close to or love are Bi, that I’m Poly, Kinky and consider my own lifestyle although different to be alternative. It certainly has influenced the view point on the matter. Still I like to think that I’d be in favor of supporting love even without those things. After all I’m a lover and … well a fighter. We can’t all be perfect and only be only lovers.
The parade started as scheduled much to our friend’s bewilderment that it was not on “Gay Standard Time” meaning 30 minutes or more late. The Police cars that led the thing off were followed by Police Officers and Fire Fighters walking hand in hand in uniform with their partners. Politicians and Corporations all made their way down the route, some obviously well sponsored and supported by their employers (Wells Fargo’s Showing was impressive) and while we debated the corporatization of pride vs more a genuine movement by those involved. There certainly was an abundance of LGBT and Religious organizations showing their support and commitment to the community as well.
“They Should change the sign to Homo Depot” for the parade” A friend suggested and I laughed and told him I have friends that call it Dom depot and explained the abundance of boards, rope, and chains as to why making it “Dominant Depot”. it took a bit but the light went on.  A little while later while a few leather folks were passing by my friend explained that straight people “do BDSM too you know”. Ironically I’m not out to them and just nodded smiled. He was very insistent that I get the point, it seemed important that I get that “it’s not just a gay thing”. So when he took a breath I offered “While I’m not leather I have friends who are, and probably understand more than you about that world.” He looked at me “oh?” a big pause “OHHHHHH! I ‘d have never guessed! That’s why you knew….” Insert names of a few establishments and my explanation to Lil of the BDSM pride flag. Suddenly I suppose I’m out there as kinky to a few more folks…no harm no foul.
The parade wound on and the Balloon Brigade was by far a fan favorite as well as ours. My favorite lesbian couple were absent and the Pixie marched by but I failed to spot her and steal a hug and a kiss.
Over all it was educational in ways not expected we heard our friends discussing issues from their points of view, some of the challenges of growing up gay, the never ending debate they face of being born gay vs choosing to be such, family values vs family acceptance, etc. For the most part though the heavy issues were cast aside and we simply enjoyed being with friends, making new ones and the entire atmosphere.
The Fest grounds afterwards were mobbed with attendees, the food lines ridiculous and even the Republican Party had a small table there which stunned me. Over all while fun there was a certain element of corporate band wagon jumping that was undeniable. Look I’m a capitalist so I get it, small businesses have a small presence at the event by nature but it was the large ones with small booths and no sponsorship or representation in the parade that caught me, small steps perhaps, maybe a daring foray into the gay market segmentation or maybe a case of corporate opportunism (I am excusing charities from this criticism – they were all there for their own causes and rightfully so).
Lil bought a shirt “Some Chicks Marry Chicks…Get over it” and we mixed and mingled until taking our leave after a few too many hours in the sun. As we walked back through Union Station to our car I heard for the first time the angry fire and brimstone ranting’s of the opposition. As families and others including both supporters of Pride and regular visitors and tourists of downtown ate in the second level food court below was an angry group of misguided Christians calling for all of us to be damned “to the eternal fires of hell”. The positive feelings I had sank as I realized just how far the world has to go and how true it is that with religion in the world there will always be judgment and never be peace. I chose to avoid the escalators and took the stairs outside instead not wanting a confrontation while Lil was with me. It was enough for her to hear them yelling manically chanting Amen in unison as their loving god only loved those who love and obey what they believe. Admittedly I have a great distain for religion.
We drove home and she talked about wearing her new shirt to dinner that night. This is where as a parent I was torn between not speaking up or offering a few words of caution. “Baby you can wear it but you need to be prepared for questions and even hostility. We’re not in the city anymore we’re in the sticks.” She looked at me confused. “So I’m not allowed to wear it?” Smiling at her somewhat sadly “No that’s not what I said I just need you to be aware you’re more likely to have issues with the faithful of all ages out here like the folks in the mall on our way out. You need to be ready for that. You can however wear it anywhere you would wear a t shirt” “She looked confused and opted for “Well I’m wearing around the house while grand ma is here. Can I put a marriage equality sticker on the car”. She Immediately countered  I nodded. Worried that I had undone much of what i was trying to teach her.
“We should volunteer to support Pride next year!” She chimed in almost instantly…maybe there is still a little hope for the world after all.
 
For More information on the event and local Pride Organization please Visit
PrideSTL.org
Twitter

A Candid Conversation about Rope Bondage

pink emt bangade shears
The Pink Scissors that led to the conversation…and yes we talked about them being one time use.

“What do you use scissors for?” is how it all began. I looked up and waited for the punch line as my 20 year old took a seat across from my desk and grabbed the hot pink EMT shears I keep on my desk and begun cutting snowflakes out of a piece of paper.
“To cut snowflakes I guess” was the playful retort thinking nothing more of it. We are all world class smart asses and beyond fluent is sarcasm. She actually paused for a split second which is how I knew there was something more to the question. “No when you do rope. Is it in case it gets around someone’s neck?”
Immediately I recognized this was one of those teaching moments…so yes my 20 year old knows I like rope and occasionally go to “rope things”. Eventually that kind of openness would lead to questions…which is better than the alternative and we have always been honest in an age appropriate way with her.  “You should never put rope around someone’s neck. They’re really for if you need to get someone out of rope quickly for any reason whether it’s they’ve asked, or something is wrong or dangerous, or if they have any kind of emergency”
She just looked at me, thought for a second, then nodded. “What might be a situation when you need to cut someone out?” She asked and knowing her as I do decided to take a direct approach. It was important to know was she simply concerned with safety or did she want something else. So I offered an explanation of scissor s and rescue hooks. Using a suspension as an example.
“Is there anything else you’d like to know?” It became a straight forward academic conversation on rope and terminology (Top, Bottom, etc.), styles and consideration. Not so much how or why I liked it which would have been harder to answer accurately. After all it was easy to articulate what I knew and what I’ve discussed with others who bottom but that was the one question I feared.
At her request I showed her some of the instructional  books, talked about Damsel in Distress (because she asked and that tells me she had been curious and looking), and when asked I showed her some examples of suspensions on Fet.  All with appropriate cautions and in an academic (or geeky) tone. I warned her that I’m not an expert and some of what she is asking about is not anything I am skilled enough to do.
“Do men get tied up?” She asked after a long pause. “Of course. Some men like to be tied up.”   All but staring me down “and do women do the tying?” Answering that tying is not a gender based role any more than being tied is. It’s about a person’s preference.  With that she apparently had all the answers she needed. “Fucking cool…hey look this looks like a day of the dead mask not a snow flake” and off she went.

I May Do Punishment After All

Last year for a Kink of the Week on the topic on real punishment I said clearly it was not part of my dynamic. However looking back on some recent play maybe I was (very) arrogant in saying that. We played..HARD. It was safe, it was sane and yes it was consensual. It appeared a good time was had by all. We had played harder in the bygone era but when really examining the scene with a bit of distance after a few other conversations (a forth coming post on connections will explain more) and then bending both Raven and Alice’s ears I should say more accurately when looking back I was a little bit distant.
She was being punished by me and not playfully in the “oh you’re such a naughty girl” role/word play and banter kind of way I like. In fact this time around nothing of that ilk was ever uttered. Nor did I say I’m about to do X to you because you did Y or I’m… whatever I was (hurt, disappointed, etc) . Yet from the very first lick that bit into her bared flesh at an intense force with no warm up and the ones that followed, for every mark, welt, and bruise maybe there was something more to it.
Without knowing it at the time maybe it was delivered as a punishment; something that even if unspoken perhaps was not only deserved but required discipline. Looking back perhaps both my distance and my delivery were in fact a punishment in and of themselves. Retribution for shutting me out so many times without warning, explanation, or apology, for repeatedly not standing up for our (long) relationship when other shiny baubles appeared, a million other little things, and a few perhaps not so little ones.
Even though the word was never said as I laid into her coldly and mechanically not as part of a scene where I got to be the brooding cruel asshole that I love to be (on occasion) but because of something much more real. This was not a mind fuck, it was not about pushing limits or being edgy or even just playing hard. It was as much about my emotions and head space as anything even if I didn’t know it at the time. In fact it was in retrospect without a doubt a punishment that was delivered.
And even though there were no complaints an uncomfortable conversation a day later about other topics not at all related to the previous play made me begin to wonder. It was then that I started look at the two meetings in a different light. So  after some thought and with her states away again I did what adults do.  I called her not relish the glory of the scene, or wallow in what was and had passed, or even simply to check in in fact those things had already occurred but to specifically ask.
“I needed you to…(deleted/edited by Mal prior to publishing for a variety of reasons)” was her reply. A lot of conversation led to in the past we had played in a way that she wanted to feel genuinely punished (ironically she was the person I had referred to in the KOTW post) and I played the role (very willingly) at times. The difference was I was simply playing at my kink to meet her needs, it was her own perceived misdeeds that led to those scenes. I was just the asshole top who she chose to be with. This time she had the same feelings but they pertained to me, so the same need was there this time and it was tied to our friendship. For me without realizing it at the time I wasn’t simply playing and neither was she even though that’s what we said we were doing when making the arrangements.
So she wanted to feel punished.  I’d like to say I picked up on that. That somehow I’m so fucking awesome that I just knew and simply fell into the role she wanted but that would be a lie. Even if I didn’t know it then I do now and looking back I don’t like how it felt or how even now it makes me feel. So I may do punishment after all but I still don’t like it or how it makes me feel…even if I’m the one dishing it out.
 
m is for malflic
 

e[lust] # 55

rose Photo courtesy of Sex with Rose

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #56? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Why I Post Nude Photos (and blog about sex)
Discovering Myself Through My Strap-On
Sex Toy Shaming and Bigoted Wise Cracks, FTW!

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aftercare and BDSM Play
Two worlds

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Come Again
Undiluted
Shudder
Tattoo
And When I Take You…..
Ride on the Night bus
Superotica Valentine – Day 1
The spelling lesson

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Please let me just say “no.”
5 Easy Mistakes to Make While Flirting
SexyLittleIdeas – The Woman in the Dark Alley
Comparisons
Treasured Property
Supporting Love and Freedom
Predicting My Own Future
Let’s Go Down Again
How to eat my pussy
10 (non-sexual) ways to be intimate with your
Permission to be Human: Granted.
Squirting: What Science Says

Erotic Non-Fiction

Date with V. (N. Likes)
Luscious
Saving Movie Night
Wicked Wednesday: Nervous
The Painter
Stolen Moments Turn Into Treasured Memories
The Art of the Blow Job and Deepthroat
Stun Guns & Happiness
Fatal’s First Time (with a Hitachi)
First Session
Probation Officer #145: Bowre of blisse 9
Trust Games

Blogging

you will ask Me to fuck your ass
Fish & Chips
This is not an invitation
Men I Have Known
My Storyyy (Trigger Warning)

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

More Than Whips and Chains
Being shouted at: kink or abuse?
Explaining violence and sex
Awww Yeah – Targeted Marketing!
Grass is always greener – swinging
Lazy Dog Sex Position

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Selections
Discovering My Sexuality
Pathologizing Male Aggression

Poetry

Sex is…


elustbutton200

A Very Special Night of Supporting Love & Freedom

A Very Special Night of Supporting Love & Freedom
Purple stiped high heel shoeRecently I was extremely honored to be invited to a friend’s surprise engagement party.  It would be a first for me in a lot of ways beginning with I’ve never actually gone to an engagement party let alone a surprise one.   Rarely do I become emotional but was in fact truly touched by being included as part of the event.   It was scheduled for Valentine’s Day and after working through logistics with Chesty Blonde and the Kids I committed to being there with a plus one that was TBD (the Blonde, one of the kids, or perhaps a date to be named later).
Fast forward to this past Wednesday,  a message that the plans have changed due to travel demands shows up.   Trust me I get this one having missed the chance to spend some over due time with a friend last month because my own plans changed (and I’m still really bummed about it).  So the fire drills began, I had the easy part, just show up. After committing to being there without out checking anyone else’s calendar in the house.   This is sticking with the new and improved 2014 plan of doing what I want and fuck the rest of you.  Later informing my girls of the change and inviting all of them to join me.  My plus one is now a plus three.   Not exactly a date night but with two teenage daughters the idea of going to a surprise engagement party was a bit too much to resist.   While that may sound gender biased it’s not meant to be so bear with me a little.
Friday morning the house I buzzing (by morning I mean about 1pm for them and 7 hours into my work day). The procession of three beautiful women getting ready begins at roughly 2 (we’re not leaving until 6pm).   Everyone is excited, all of us can’t wait to get there, to be with some of my other friends, to enjoy a great meal at an interesting place and to see the entertainment which was a top notch drag show of course along with the surprise marriage proposal thrown in the middle.   Even the Blonde who hedged a bit the night before based on weather concerns is really into it.
We pile into the car. Excitement is in the air and mixing with their perfumes.  All are stunning and of course I’m dressed as one would expect, a bit too formally and slightly reserved.   The conversation buzzes incessantly with questions about the night’s schedule, the plans, and random lines from songs not related to anything else as the GPS screams through the din telling us missed yet another turn.   We arrive right at the appointed time, not early as I had hoped but on time is a small victory in our world. The weather held out and we enter the establishment.  Let the fun and surprises begin!
Most of the group is already seated including the guest of honor.  We wave and say hello.  Then a young man with the best skin I have ever seen and immaculate eyebrows arrives to take our drink order. He is even by my estimation drop dead gorgeous so as the girls swoon the debate begins on whether or not to ask who does his brows (he does them himself). The cocktails begin to flow for the adults and Lil (my 15 year old) is in full blown shoe envy with all the heels in the place.   After an hour (Drag Queen time of course) the show began. This was the first drag show any of my girls had ever been too.  The Blonde said it was so much better than the stripper her friends got her when they were in college, Diva waived dollars at the ladies as they passed by marveling at their makeup and confidence, and Lil after stunning the hostess during a little playful banter with her age concluded that her own style of conversation is more akin to a sassy queen than a nice Midwestern girl which is just fine by her.
The establishment was classy in a wonderfully tacky kind of way, the food was very tasty.  The stage split the tables in the main floor dining area. The Queens were wonderful, friendly, playful,  and the costumes exquisite.  The ladies took obvious pride in their work.  Their body types ranged from tall and thin to very curvy, hmmm just like real people not the models we see on TV. Of course the show was the rouse, the reason for an early Tim Gunn type Valentine’s Day Surprise with the guests as the surprise. And yes B was surprised but the best was yet to come when his partner C got up on stage and sang to him.   It was beautiful and touching, then came the proposal.  B was completely blindsided, it was unexpected, a complete surprise.  No one could take their eyes off the couple.  It was as close to a scene from a romantic movie as I’ve ever been a part of.  The Tiffany’s box came out and the room went silent.  He said yes! Of Course he said yes and then the cheers began.  A few moments later as the MC tried her best to get the show back underway it took a few minutes for everyone and everything including gobs of complete strangers to settle back down.
My girls looked on in wonder.   I couldn’t take my eyes off of B.   I have run countless miles with the man and never seen him so winded, so overwhelmed, and completely off guard.   None of us could have been happier for them, the girls sneaking closer to see his ring at the very first chance.  After the show concluded we began our goodbye’s all of us very grateful for having been included in such a special night for the boys.  As I said my farewells I grabbed B and hugged him.   It is out of character for me to initiate a hug with rare exception.  I’m not normally a person who shows his emotions but I had a sense of joy that even my old cynical heart can’t deny.   In the end, after all is said and done seeing two people so in love is a powerful thing.
Congratulations to both of you.  May you have a lifetime of happiness together!
 
Postlude
I would have wanted to be there no matter what for friends who asked but will admit that it took on even more importance to me and frankly to the girls because these friends are a same sex couple. We’re lucky that we have people of all orientations, relationships types, and backgrounds as part of our everyday lives.  In a way it was also form of political and religious protest for all of us, we believe it doesn’t matter who you love.  In the hope that by being there perhaps maybe someone else will see the light that it doesn’t matter who chooses to love each other, that love is all that really matters.
These are friends of mine who know nothing of my own lifestyle other than as a family we very openly support the right to love who you choose.  They have no idea that I write about sex, that I participate in the things that I do, or have the complicated relationships that I have.  More importantly we weren’t there as the Malflic’s but as family unit under our real names.  The pictures and comments are on our birth names social sites, all of which are more popluar than anything I do here.  Ironically if I opt to share my feelings of how special this night was with them, how amazing it was to be part of it through this post it will in my own way be a coming out of sorts.
Finding that connection that makes everything feel special is the important thing and I can’t say it enough how much fun we had, how special the evening will be for all of us for years to come and how proud we are to have such wonderful friends.

e[lust] 54

Elustheader Photo courtesy of Gritty Woman

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #55? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

How children will break UK Internet filters.
Submissive, Not Passive
When Sex and Disabilities Collide

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Tribute to a Selfie
The Pawn

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Blogging

My 20 of 2013
Hello 2014

Erotic Fiction

Call Me Maybe
To Watch…
Holiday Travails
The third message
So You Want to Worship Me…Start Here.
Three Stories Up
Men in cages
Lucky Mascot – Huddle: Sex With Sporty Queers

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Sex Toys Storage: Hiding from People
SexyLittleIdeas -11 Annoying yet Sexual Dares
His PTSD Cheated on Me
Cum
You’re Art but I’m Not
Anger and intimacy
Among a Sea of Submissives
Object
My experiences with unwanted intercourse

Erotic Non-Fiction

Phoenix lies and gets herself in trouble
The Storm Behind the Calm
Why I eat your pussy
Light My Fire – Zoe Tries Fire Play
Spreading Christmas Cheer
I write a letter to The Neighbor
Humiliation
Sa’afia’s punishment night (1st IV scenes)
Both ends of the spectrum
Love of Flesh; Want for Blood
First Blush
Birthday Burning

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Dear Mollena…
The Best Motivator
on liberties taken.
Submission, More Than A Feeling
Breaking Prude – The Dirty Seven

Poetry

Just Touch It
A Time To Cum

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Shoe Fetishism – RZ


elustbutton200

What I Learned as a Demo Body

So being the new and improved Malflic I ignored the clamoring around me for other things and actually went out to an event mainly to see some old friends who it’s been far too long since I’ve seen.  The purpose was as much social as anything but I planned to pick up a few new wicked ideas along the way from the second half of the day.  This year the real goal is to take my rope from decorative to more restraint, well that and really focus on truly learning.
As is often the case with me I went partner less (there is a plan/offer in place to fix this so don’t shed any tears for me), which for this particular event was fine since one wasn’t required plus I got to have different experience than usual.  As we sat there the young lady next to me was also in the same situation.  The talk on basic single column ties began and after quick introductions I offered a wrist for her to practice on a few times and then she returned the favor.
It was quickly evident she was a nice person, a little quiet with a cute smile, but most importantly I could tell she really wanted to learn to tie.  Being a person who doesn’t always have a person to practice on it was an easy decision. I offered my arms for the next few hours so she could do what we all do when we learn bondage,  do it, do it again, figure out when to draw what tight, what’s too loose etc.  Rinse and repeat.
As a Top I’ve always liked rope but often joked I’m not a purist and have used a mix of natural fiber and synthetic MFP.  In my case it was often a color and diameter choice based on who I was tying up and what I doing, adornment had been the main goal. Rope for pain or restraint has only been part of a larger scene (forced orgasms anyone?).  And sure I’ve tied cuff after cuff and column after column on myself as practice over the years. My home office chair has a safe word but I know all too well it doesn’t always translate exactly on another person’s body (Oh my god I’m touching someone new, sorry about the rope in eye, etc) but the basic muscle memory and movements are there.
After a bit more up close instruction it was on to two column ties, wrist to wrist eventually leading to wrist to thigh this led to one of the things I learned.
Next up was the second half of the outing and after a few demos and discussions the evil top in me saw the real value of a nice ass hook for the first time. Oh and thumb tacks I need to add thumb tacks to my bag.   The session came to the point where people were supposed to practice.  I turned to my new friend and asked if she knew how to tie a chest harness, no sense in just sitting there idle.  Once again I provided the body and a friend who rigs professionally provided the step by step instruction.  I’ve never had another person tie a chest harness on me.  So there I was at an event I’d never been to before, with a few friends, a few acquaintances and a room full of people letting someone I just met learn to tie on me.
 
 
So what did l learn?
1)      There really is a huge difference to the feel and quality of rope.  Sure I can tell to a degree as it passes through my hands and in how it lays but its different when it’s against your skin. Sure I knew there was a difference but didn’t realize the full extent.    I may like the look of MFP in decorative stuff and pictures but it’s annoying when it’s tied on you.  No more MFP unless at a public event with people I don’t know or the bottom asks for it.
2)      It’s not news that I’m not a physically flexible person but when going from double column ties on the wrists to not side by side body parts that I can’t do wrist to calf let alone ankle without doing an hour of yoga first. (In retrospect I could have sat in a chair but didn’t think of it at the time)
3)      If you know it’s not right as a bottom either in a practice or a scene speak up.   As I tried let her tie wrist to calve the wraps were too close to the knee joint because of someone’s (mine) tight hamstrings.  It’s only practice right? I knew better but was going to let it ride until a friend spoke up.
4)      There’s always some little thing you may not know.   I’ve recoiled my rope the same way since I started and it makes me border line OCD every time.  There is an easier and neater way to do it.
5)      I still can’t teach a knot I’m not tying and can’t show you a knot when my hands are tied together.
 
This last one is the most important.  Today I got to see a Top learn and grow.   When I came home and talked to the Chesty Blonde these question came up
TCB “You only tied a cuff or two?”
Me “Yep”
 
I went on to explain what you already know
 
TCB  “So you were a demo body”
Me “ A fat ugly one but basically yes”
TCB “But you’re a top”
Me “She really wanted to learn”
 
There’s a lot more behind the answer. Sure I could have split the time with my new friend and tied more. No doubt it would have been fine. After all I can always use the practice.  I could have not offered myself up and looked for some who wanted tied and done nothing but practice. In truth it would not have brought me nearly as much joy not because I liked being tied but because I loved seeing her learn.  See her confidence build, the wraps get flatter, the ropes draw more evenly and the knots flow from her hands a little naturally each and every time.   She’d beam, and smile.  It was a very rewarding experience and being part of it was very cool.
 
If you’d have told me when I woke up I’d volunteer as demo body I’d have laughed but in the end I couldn’t have had more fun.
 

See who else is being wicked this week!

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

A Model's View Erotic Photography – Sexually Speaking She Said

A Guest Post by The Official Naked Nurse
Hearing the click of the shutter leaves a hypnotic hum in the air. The simple sound creates an ambiance of mystery, intrigue and creativity.  The fluid partnership between the photographer and model is evident as each frame frozen in time becomes a new piece of artwork.  A story develops as the image processes on the screen.  The anticipation though lingers until each photo is scrutinized by the partnership and the carefully detailed scene is unveiled.
Did the photographer catch the light just right? Catch the perfect smile or demure seductive glance?
Did the model relax?  Take in the moment and fall into the scene?
Is the mood evident?
I am the model.
I squint and study each photo frozen in time.  I am probably the harshest judge of a quality photo than anyone out there.  I strive to look past the unpleasant angles and curves that could use an instant photoshop to the ambiance created, but did I create the scene?
Naked Nurse Cleveage ShotThere are times that the dance required to portray a feeling to be evoked from a photo, a piece of artwork, is often times difficult to impossible.
I recently was asked to critique an album of photos and tell the artist what feelings I had from each image.  What I saw and then struggled with the right words to tell him, could not have been farther from the truth of the scene.  I saw tasteless, pervy, over-use of filters, and poorly blurred photos.  What he wanted me to see was a vulnerable person.  But, that was my opinion as a female.  That also leads to the very serious issue between models and photographers and forming that fluid partnership, especially when one views a photo one way and the other another.
I’m a very particular person when I am choosing which image I want to represent me, my works, or even my image.  I believe the perfect piece of art to accompany a short story, piece of poetry, or any novel I want to place on my desk requires something tangible to relate, the perfect photo.  Do I always get it right?  No.  But, I will compromise by settling for less.
It is too easy to slap a photo found from any common search image to a piece of written work.  I’ve seen it a countless number of times where the writer apparently took the first image listed on the page.  When writing erotica it is too easy not to do.  We are saturated with still images from porn.  But, that is not what I want to see.
I guess it comes down to what I see as pornographic versus erotic, even sensual.  I don’t get the gratification of looking at a photo, a still, of someone just fucking.  Now, I find xxx movies very stimulating.  It may be the whole moving pictures aspect. However, I want the mystery to the curve of the hip or lick of the lip.  I want to learn how the lace slid from the shoulders exposing the perfect pink nipple.  I want to be seduced by the artwork.  Because, that is what it truly has become.  After the end of a read, I want to be able to look back at the artwork and feel the whole story unfolded in the carefully detailed image.
I can’t help but notice every detail of a photo.  Pornographic images appear to me cold and poorly scripted.  No attention to detail is made.  The background “noise” is what it is.  But a poorly placed piece of fruit or a stained comforter distracts me from what should be the focus, and sometimes I can’t get into focus the delicious cock ready for action.  This may come from now I now perceive the porn industry, tainted.
Warmth, subtleness, a desire to look a little more at emotion in the eyes, to want to trail my finger along the curves of the model – that is erotic.  That is sensual.  That is stimulating.  Learning the story of the smile, tears, or orgasmic cry of the image is exciting.  Sexy.  Tantalizing.  That is the feeling I want to illicit.  Feed my mind and my body will follow.
 
Editor’s Note: My thanks again to my sexy friend NN for playing along.  She’s such a nice girl and I can’t wait to get my ropes and paddles on her. I’ve decided to revive a concept from a little while back that featured both the Male and Female perspective on a topic hence the “He Said She Said” Concept and then we combine the two plyaers in a wrap up piece called “They Said”   My Piece on Photography from the make perspective will be out shortly.   If you’d like to play along let me know.
-Mal

Dark Secret Love – A Story of Submission by Alison Tyler- A Review

Dark Secret Love - A Story of Submission book coverI don’t read a lot of bondage and S&M erotica, I’m more of a live it or how to book kind of guy.  As a matter of fact this is the first full length kink novel I’ve picked up in decades (excluding anthologies).   So early on I found myself both engrossed in “Dark Secret Love” and frankly a bit disturbed, though not in a bad way.  It’s supposed to be at least in part a fantasy, I get that.  The story is well structured, well edited, and moves along quickly.  Samantha (Sam) the female submissive lead is endearing, young, of course pretty, and at times lost; in a youthful kind of way.  Though aren’t we all at 22?   Perhaps her most endearing feature is she’s not portrayed as weak.  She is strong, just on her own terms.
What struck me though, what haunted me more than a few times through the book was the body language, the words and in some cases the actions of the Dominants.  Not because they were so far flung they weren’t believable because they were often a little close to home.  Of course there was a bit of fantasy woven in to keep things humming, make the characters more interesting, sexier, etc. but if you’ve been to a few dungeons or have those kinky fantasies nothing really was a deal breaker.  The discomfort was not because they fit the cliché of the stereo type dim witted or usurious Top, secret rituals or even the “lost innocence” of a yet to be known in the biblical sense let alone kinky young woman that has sold so well elsewhere.  Again allowing for a bit of poetic license the characters were in essence real.  What drew me in, what caught me off guard and disturbed me and made it so I didn’t put the book down but chose to read it more or less straight through was that it seemed like someone had been looking in and listening to me play, fuck, and live somewhere along the way.
That is part of the beauty of the writing. It is done in a way where the characters are strong and solid but not so defined that it doesn’t allow the reader to imagine people they know, or fantasize about and place them in to the story.   I heard words roll off their lips that I’ve said or heard uttered in one way or another.  The Tops tap in to Sam’s “needs” while making her own her desires and verbalize them;  which outside of the pages of a book is a huge kink of mine.  If being forced to tell another person your desires or making someone tell you what they want and why is a big turn on for you then this book will leave more than aroused in a few places.
So with the names changed from the author’s own life how much has been embellished it’s hard to say but it is an enjoyable book none the less.   Heavy on impact play (mainly spanking) and a bit of restraint and other kinks it ties into both Sam’s own feelings and head space nicely without being pure action or turning it into a love story.   The plot was laid in a refreshing light and was done in a way that was not over wrought lost little girl “Oh god come save me” type of emotions.  She knew what she liked, what she wanted, and even what she needed.  While certainly letting others take the lead like a good submissive she went into new situations with those secrets hidden but no so well that others couldn’t see them.
Over all a fun escape for those so inclined looking for hot scenes and sex with a M/F orientation.
Disclaimer: As always honesty and openness works best for me.  I was contacted by the publisher and given this book review at no cost me.  No other compensation has been offered nor would it have been accepted. As I have said before this site is not about money and never will be.   Had I not liked it would have said so and told you why. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to have someone read me a few of the scenes and watch her blush while she tries to figure out whether I’m just making her read or am I planning to play rough.

e[lust] # 52

Secretlysensous Photo courtesy of Secretly Sensuous

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #53? Start with the newly updated rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

He came in my shoes
Secret Pleasures and a Lifeline
Vulnerability as courage

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Golden Showers
If.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Adressing my Master T
Afterglow, Wounded
Fantasy is Reality, or is it the other way…
Pig Tails? Really?
The Kilt and a Prom Dress
what i want
Whipped & Fucked
Because When You Look at Me, You See Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

SexyLittleIdeas – My Sex Rules
New Rule
Collar Envy (Warning this post is Mushy)
the flood.
Today I cried
Why I love NRE even when it scares me
Love, or Lack Thereof, for an Abuser
a) monogamy b) polyamory c) neither

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

More Than Just Orgasms
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bed
Sex By Numbers = Bad Sex

Erotic Fiction

Such a Good Girl
Spontaneous Combustion
Seasonal Changes
Wet…bound and gagged
Larry’s Prom Date
Property’s Prospective
Inspiration
SATURDAY NIGHT SPRINKLE [WW W74]
Evie and the Trainspotter
Don’t Miss A Drop
Marked

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Sub Silent
7(Random)Suggestions for Submissives & Slaves
Communication in D/s Relationships

Writing About Writing

Seven Sex Books I Read, Plus One I Didn’t
Thoughts on: The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice
Desiring Faggotry

Events

EroticonUSA- Penny’s Perspective

Blogging

From Prude to Proud Sex Blogger


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