Four – Take It All

an unshaven Mal

 

 

“Hey, what are you trying to say?
I told you that I’m not gonna back away
Because this time there’s a price to pay…”

Take It All – Pop Evil

Five – My Medicine

A Table with a mix of sleeping pills, allergy medications and alcohol

“Somebody mixed my medicine
I don’t know what I’m on
Somebody mixed my medicine
Now baby its all gone
Somebody mixed my medicine
Somebody’s in my head again
And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

My Medicine – The Pretty Reckless

 

Before 5 years ago i took about 4 tylenol a year. And an all natural ethically vegan friendly multivitamin.

When I started traveling internationally regularly half a sleeping pill was added the first few nights when there was a time change of more than 6 hours. Not great but not the worst thing. Then occasional other use to shut down and sleep would be referred to as “going into to void”. I have an addictive personality. It is the very reason I avoided recreational drugs (coffee doesn’t count).

The only other time was when she was next to me. I couldn’t sleep with her there. After her suicide on her own script for those very same pills fear of them set in. Prior it never once occurred how dangerous they could be.

A few months later when life became totally frantic I added 2 benadryl for allergies at night, Sleep was sweet. As my demons chased me, an unrelenting pace, sadness, loneliness, and ambition danced it would grow to 4.

I would feel myself floating for a few seconds before sleep. It was probably a “high”. Eventually fear faded and it became 2 allergy pills and a sleeping pill, other nights tylenol, On a Friday i tried a new pill to keep me asleep “a Stay a Sleep er all” It was magic. until it wasn’t and would linger in my system and i was literally off my fucking rocker with manic swings from high enegery to the in ability to stay awake for the next 36 hours. It took 5 or six times to realize the issue.

The demons after sleep were winning. Things and thoughts became dark in the blink of an eye. The remaining ones were flushed.

As the song says i had mixed my medicine. not once considering the potential to OD. You will literally just “wake up dead”, My daughter freaked at the cocktail. The wife mentioned the risk was real. in 9 months i had gone from terrified of pills to mixing them to find nothingness in sleep. No dreams, no memories, no waking.

So I stopped before i was the one taking a dirt nap.

Two Welcome to the Family

Skull Photo Meancing white skull outline swimming in a sea of black

“And in a way it seems there’s no one to call

When our thoughts are so numb

And our feelings unsure

We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find

But you can’t win this fight”

“Welcome to the Family” Avenged Sevenfold

One -All American Nightmare

All American Nightmare Photo Set Of Mal in a Black on Black Suit

Mal Seated in a White Chair shielding his fave frm the camera with his hand“Dressed head to toe black on black,

Three bunnies in the back of my Cadillac.

With me its gonna be a good story to tell;

Cash, grass, and ass on the highway to hell.

Be careful what you wish for when you dream”

All American Nightmare – Hinder

Malflic Dressed in a Black Suit, Black Shirt, BlACK STRIPED TIES AND bLACK LAPEL PINBlack Wing Tips, Black Trousers and Black Socks

“If you Wanna Run away I’ll give you a ride

Got a One Way Ticket to your Darker Side”

A Demon in Recline - Mal Laying Casually in a chir despite his formal Black on Black Suite Attire

#F4TFriday

 

 

Mrs Fever’s September Song Challenge at Temperature’s Rising