“Close your eyes and forget your name
Step outside yourself and let your thoughts drain
As you go insane, insane”
Seasons in the Abyss – Slayer
Seven – Seasons in thre Abyss
Four – Take It All
“Hey, what are you trying to say?
I told you that I’m not gonna back away
Because this time there’s a price to pay…”
Take It All – Pop Evil
Five – My Medicine
“Somebody mixed my medicine
I don’t know what I’m on
Somebody mixed my medicine
Now baby its all gone
Somebody mixed my medicine
Somebody’s in my head again
And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”
My Medicine – The Pretty Reckless
Before 5 years ago i took about 4 tylenol a year. And an all natural ethically vegan friendly multivitamin.
When I started traveling internationally regularly half a sleeping pill was added the first few nights when there was a time change of more than 6 hours. Not great but not the worst thing. Then occasional other use to shut down and sleep would be referred to as “going into to void”. I have an addictive personality. It is the very reason I avoided recreational drugs (coffee doesn’t count).
The only other time was when she was next to me. I couldn’t sleep with her there. After her suicide on her own script for those very same pills fear of them set in. Prior it never once occurred how dangerous they could be.
A few months later when life became totally frantic I added 2 benadryl for allergies at night, Sleep was sweet. As my demons chased me, an unrelenting pace, sadness, loneliness, and ambition danced it would grow to 4.
I would feel myself floating for a few seconds before sleep. It was probably a “high”. Eventually fear faded and it became 2 allergy pills and a sleeping pill, other nights tylenol, On a Friday i tried a new pill to keep me asleep “a Stay a Sleep er all” It was magic. until it wasn’t and would linger in my system and i was literally off my fucking rocker with manic swings from high enegery to the in ability to stay awake for the next 36 hours. It took 5 or six times to realize the issue.
The demons after sleep were winning. Things and thoughts became dark in the blink of an eye. The remaining ones were flushed.
As the song says i had mixed my medicine. not once considering the potential to OD. You will literally just “wake up dead”, My daughter freaked at the cocktail. The wife mentioned the risk was real. in 9 months i had gone from terrified of pills to mixing them to find nothingness in sleep. No dreams, no memories, no waking.
So I stopped before i was the one taking a dirt nap.
Three Dirty Diana
“She likes the boys in the band, she knows when they come to town.”
Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson
Two Welcome to the Family
“And in a way it seems there’s no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find
But you can’t win this fight”
“Welcome to the Family” Avenged Sevenfold
One -All American Nightmare
“Dressed head to toe black on black,
Three bunnies in the back of my Cadillac.
With me its gonna be a good story to tell;
Cash, grass, and ass on the highway to hell.
Be careful what you wish for when you dream”
All American Nightmare – Hinder
“If you Wanna Run away I’ll give you a ride
Got a One Way Ticket to your Darker Side”
Mrs Fever’s September Song Challenge at Temperature’s Rising