“Close your eyes and forget your name
Step outside yourself and let your thoughts drain
As you go insane, insane”
Seasons in the Abyss – Slayer
Seven – Seasons in thre Abyss
Four – Take It All
“Hey, what are you trying to say?
I told you that I’m not gonna back away
Because this time there’s a price to pay…”
Take It All – Pop Evil
Five – My Medicine
“Somebody mixed my medicine
I don’t know what I’m on
Somebody mixed my medicine
Now baby its all gone
Somebody mixed my medicine
Somebody’s in my head again
And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”
My Medicine – The Pretty Reckless
Before 5 years ago i took about 4 tylenol a year. And an all natural ethically vegan friendly multivitamin.
When I started traveling internationally regularly half a sleeping pill was added the first few nights when there was a time change of more than 6 hours. Not great but not the worst thing. Then occasional other use to shut down and sleep would be referred to as “going into to void”. I have an addictive personality. It is the very reason I avoided recreational drugs (coffee doesn’t count).
The only other time was when she was next to me. I couldn’t sleep with her there. After her suicide on her own script for those very same pills fear of them set in. Prior it never once occurred how dangerous they could be.
A few months later when life became totally frantic I added 2 benadryl for allergies at night, Sleep was sweet. As my demons chased me, an unrelenting pace, sadness, loneliness, and ambition danced it would grow to 4.
I would feel myself floating for a few seconds before sleep. It was probably a “high”. Eventually fear faded and it became 2 allergy pills and a sleeping pill, other nights tylenol, On a Friday i tried a new pill to keep me asleep “a Stay a Sleep er all” It was magic. until it wasn’t and would linger in my system and i was literally off my fucking rocker with manic swings from high enegery to the in ability to stay awake for the next 36 hours. It took 5 or six times to realize the issue.
The demons after sleep were winning. Things and thoughts became dark in the blink of an eye. The remaining ones were flushed.
As the song says i had mixed my medicine. not once considering the potential to OD. You will literally just “wake up dead”, My daughter freaked at the cocktail. The wife mentioned the risk was real. in 9 months i had gone from terrified of pills to mixing them to find nothingness in sleep. No dreams, no memories, no waking.
So I stopped before i was the one taking a dirt nap.
Three Dirty Diana
“She likes the boys in the band, she knows when they come to town.”
Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson
Two Welcome to the Family
“And in a way it seems there’s no one to call
When our thoughts are so numb
And our feelings unsure
We all have emptiness inside, we all have answers to find
But you can’t win this fight”
“Welcome to the Family” Avenged Sevenfold
One -All American Nightmare
“Dressed head to toe black on black,
Three bunnies in the back of my Cadillac.
With me its gonna be a good story to tell;
Cash, grass, and ass on the highway to hell.
Be careful what you wish for when you dream”
All American Nightmare – Hinder
“If you Wanna Run away I’ll give you a ride
Got a One Way Ticket to your Darker Side”
Mrs Fever’s September Song Challenge at Temperature’s Rising
Summer Shades of Blue – Suit Porn
It’s Summer and some summer suit porn is well over due.
Click the lips to see all the other sexy sinners
Sex Toy Soup
We’ll It’s time for this months Sinful Sunday Theme Submission. The prompt was essentially Sex Toys and seeing as my state of mind is still askew from even my version of normal I opted to take the Andy Warhol Theme from last week one (or four) steps furthers and create a Series of Sex Toy Soup Themed images playing on his interpretation of the Campbell’s Soup can. After all what is more American then Pop Art Stolen from another Person’s idea, Campbell’s Soup, Dildos and Butt Plugs all put together?
For anyone who is interested and truly in jest there is the “The Essential Sex Toy Soup Reading Companion”. Ok part 3 is really just to remind myself how I did this as much anything. Also there’s some humorous insight into why the fuck I put Dildo’s and Butt Plugs into a Sex Toy Soup themed Post. The short answer is “Plan A” Didn’t work.
Click the Lips to see all the other very sexy sinners!
Rough
“People need to be made more aware of the need to work at learning how to live because life is so quick and sometimes it goes away too quickly” – Andy Warhol
Behind the bespoke suits, clean shaven face, the portriat of a respectable and civilized life, and fancy friends is the real me. The one that is Rough. Who prefers his addiction to morally questionable women, rough sex, and loud angry music over all else.
If you know me, yes this picture is both really of me and recent. I love if becuase it is not flattering. It is quite literally a portrait of a life that very easily could have been. A moment of the darkness often referenced but typically very far from sight.
Appearing nothing like the expected apparition, the image you are normally allowed see, the one you think you know. The vanity is gone. This is a person who overtly doesn’t even pretend to give a fuck. Who has decided to live for a few moments fully on his own terms.
Click the lips to see all the other sexy sinners.
Only the Tip
Only the Tip
This for me is a very uncharacteristic picture. After all my idea of a good cock shot usually includes a rooster and is done in jest. Yet as part of what I seem to have taken on as an unplanned challenge this year for Masturbation Month I decided to do something that was new. Take a picture early on during some self indulgent moments. But for now it’s only the tip…maybe things will work their way into other things from there.
I’ll be the first to say that sometimes the best thing about art is that it makes you uncomfortable. I’m not so sure that hold true when it’s you that are the subject, artist, and viewer but none the less.