A Definition of Lurid for the Beautiful Naked Nurse

A week or so ago I put a piece out about wanting to do a shoot with the Chesty Blonde and along the way the talented and ever so sexy Official Naked Nurse asked me to explicitly define Lurid for her so she could consider “submitting her application”.  At the time I made a polite retort but upon further consideration have decided that Lurid since it is one of my favorite words in several languages warranted a more formal reply.
According to Google it is
Defined as
lu·rid/ ˈlo͝orid/

  1. Very vivid in color, esp. so as to create an unpleasantly harsh or unnatural effect: “lurid food colorings”.
  2. (of a description) Presented in vividly shocking or sensational terms, esp. giving explicit details of crimes or sexual matters.

I had no idea the first definition even existed since the second is the one I always intend.  But the truth is when I really stop to consider what I mean when I say lurid it is probably more refined than many would imagine.  It is like my porn preferences.  Yes I like a good bit of the old in and out as they said in a Clockwork Orange but I do also like some level of production value.  A decent camera angle or two, an attempt at lighting, and well if and when possible some type of connection that transcends just two people fucking.  Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with two or twenty people fucking for that matter but what makes it hot, what makes it explicit is not cock and pussy shots sorry folks but those things are merely table stakes when it comes to intercourse but the other elements both visual and perceived (like they are actually having fun screwing) that make it hotter for me.
Lurid in my world is probably well staged, a peek, a taunt a tease just out of sight something that lets the all powerful mind interpret the surroundings in the way that it chooses.  This morning I saw a picture of a woman with a can of Heineken shoved in her ass.   As interesting as it may be it was not to me lurid. While certainly explicit, and certainly not something I see every day and can of beer in someone’s backdoor just isn’t my kink.  Then again I don’t like beer that much if it was an espresso machine I might have been more interested.  Now in fairness I have joked for decades that if I was a scientist I’d spend my life working on how to grow my dick to 17 inches long and a coke can wide…which  has met with varying opinions one of which was “call me when you do I want the first ride” to “no thanks go find someone else to fuck with that monster”   by definition that description could of course be lurid, or crude or crass which was more of my intention since everyone knows anybody can have a 17 inch penis according to the magic dick grow pills advertised on late night TV.  What happened to 9 inches being nice and 12 being monstrous?  The same thing that happened when a size six has to go to a size two…the times they are always changing.  All kidding aside what do I really consider lurid…details.   And yes the details in a picture are more often what makes it work for me or not.  The same woman had posted a lovely photo that featured her in thigh high boots, stockings, a thong and lovely little skirt and corset, the setting of a stair case, the spindles.   To me that picture is great, it is all the elements that for me that made it hot, it is what made it lurid.
Lurid is something that is in and of its own right suggestive, open to interpretation.  It can be random and spontaneous but I’ll venture to guess most of the time there is a fair amount if not an extreme amount of planning that goes into a thing.   What makes a hot rope scene?  A perfect model?  Perfection is unattainable and objective how about one who is enjoying the scene.  Yep that’s a must have.  A skilled rigger…yes bad rope it a turn off but if I know I’m watching a newer couple play and they are enjoying themselves (safely) I’d forgo pure rout skill on occasion.  Lurid is much like the old government quote about pornography, I can’t define it but I sure as hell know when I see it.

The Great Whipped Cream Incident of 1991 Reprised…well almost

Reddi wip sex storyIt’s funny how there are some moments that are just stuck in time.  As a young man I found myself  living in a giant old mansion of a house.  Ok well I had an amazing 2 bedroom apartment in a converted old mansion.  Huge bay windows, 15 foot ceilings, stained solid hard wood trim and doors, the works all in all not bad for a drunk party boy college kid.  It’s the middle of July, around 10 pm, the temperature is the mid 90’s out and the one thing my great old apartment didn’t have was air conditioning.  At that point in the day I’d spent the better part the sun lit hours naked with a 19 year old girl who might or might not be known today as my Chesty Blonde.
Day gave way to night as it so often does and a few cocktails later what will come as a surprise to no one I began chasing her cute naked ass quite literally through the living room with a can of whipped cream.  I catch up with her, a bit of wrestling ensues and in my best HA, HA, HA look at how young and strong I am moments I take her relatively gently to the floor.  My intention was to cover her from head to toe with whipped cream and lick it off so very slowly but she wasn’t exactly playing along so I pinned her to the floor.  She purred.  I held her hands over her head so she couldn’t wiggle free and she struggled playfully as she ground into me.  10 or 15 sweaty hot and hard minutes later as we moved a little out of need, a little out of desire, and a lot out of the need to attempt to reduce rug burn, and the amount of sweat dripping on to her.  I reached for the almost forgotten whipped cream can and gave it a squeeze covering one of those lovely nipples of her.  At about the time I was headed that way to quickly lick it off she decided to sit up in a violent fit of “OH NO YOU DIDN”T” and smashed the northward bound bridge of her nose into my southward bound cinder block of a head.
Here’s a hint I didn’t know what a safeword was back then but “You Fucking Jerk I think I broke my nose” seemed to be one.  Now I’d just taunting call out Ha that’s not a safe word here I come! (just kidding babe)
At that point we’d been (back) together for about 8 months.  Enter last night a little over 19 years later.  During the day I had been joking on twitter about stalking my prey and blindfolds but last night found myself in a candle lit room with the same person as all those years before.  It was not some fling and to put things in context I’ve been with her for 20 years more or less.  Taking the number of years times 52 week times a very conservative estimate of sex 2.5 times a week I was naked with a woman I had been with approximately 2,600 times.  One might think OH my god that is a horrifying number, Oh man why the hell hasn’t she left you, and there is always the possibility a few old lovers might say I hope you remember her name.  To which I’d reply yep I’m probably good there for another 20 years or so but then all bets are off.
One would think it would be like a well rehearsed show, one where the dancers are on the top of their game but still have a passion for the dance itself despite being one they’ve done about 2600 times.  Hell that would be boring and variety is the spice of life.  So my old ass flings himself across the room, tackling her, clothes are shed, the air conditioning is wafting the lovely scent of Jasmine Vanilla candles through the air.  We begin as so many couple begin…by locking the bedroom door.   Now pretend you’re a sports announcer as you read this next section…for the record I did not call it as a play by play when it was happening.
Well both participants seem  to be properly warmed up and at by the looks of it fully at the ready…if that is what you can call ready looking at Mal’s posture.  The Blonde is down she’s on her back legs reaching toward the sky.  Mal is up in a fluid motion and both are moving rhythmically with each other.  The commentator pauses then adds.  Wow would you look at that both legs pinned together and back over her head.  What a combination of flexibility and strength.  Neither missed beat.  Here’s comes the next move her legs swinging so shamelessly wide before flexing and grasping  on to his hips as the intensity of the routine continues to build.  He draws her closer and she meets him with skill and intention. She looks in to his eyes. There is moment of silence and then BONK!!!
Bonk you ask? WTF is Bonk? Well in this case it is where I closed my eyes for just a second and leaned in to kiss her right as she decided to reposition her upper body on the pillows while we were both still shall we say actively intertwined.  Crying out FUCK even at that very moment was not the start of a tirade of filthy sex talk and well Bonk is apparently the sound we make when my cinder block melon collides with her head.  At this point despite my lack of grace I’d like to point out that despite the cranial trauma neither of us changed or ceased our hip motions.  Wanna say sex isn’t a powerful instinct?  Fine but you know you’re lying!
We recover, I actually manage to kiss her on the lips without causing any permanent mental impairment on either party and somewhere down the line end up flipping her over for a few good swats on the ass just because I’m such a nice guy before continuing on.   Now as they say in Volleyball OK Rotate.  Joking she puts a pillow over my forehead and eyes a few minutes into this position proclaiming this is to help avoid future collisions.   So I play along but after a little while I just don’t feel like having a giant down pillow over my eyes.  Why? Well for starters it was getting hot and not in a good way and secondly it’s kind of hard to watch her tits bounce and her fuck me with a pillow over my face.  So I life my head just a little to untuck it and take in the view.  Again not the best sense of timing as this time she smashes the tip of her cute little button nose into my forehead.  Then she sits up while stilling riding away and calls out “You have got to be fucking kidding! You had to do that on purpose”  How could I do it on purpose I couldn’t see anything!  I offer back.  She sneers not convinced. Making eyes contact “Ok you’re right all these years I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to begin mashing our foreheads together during sex because I think you’ll really get off on it.”
Despite the clumsiness we both finish in fine fashion some time a little later.  Afterwards the Blonde is laying there next to me and brings up what she has dubbed as the Great Whipped Cream Incident of 1991. We laugh about it.  She tells me “20 years ago Man are you old” I let the age thing go no good can come of reminding her she’s been along for the same ride, besides in fairness she has aged much better than me. Then she tells me I think you need to start wearing a hockey helmet to bed.  So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.  Tonight after dinner, maybe a few drinks, and a little quiet time we’ll make out way up stairs.  I’ll have the room dimly lit with candles and right there on her pillow will be the two thing she probably won’t expect a can of redi whip and my Old Black CCM.
Shhh don’t tell her it’ll be our little secret.  I think it’ll be breaking new ground since it’ll be the first time I’ll have been Malflic's CCM hockey helmetfucked by someone in a hockey helmet who wasn’t wearing black and white stripes.  Odds are though it will never be as memorable as the first Whipped Cream incident
So while it’s not exactly my standard Fetish Friday type post I hope you’d enjoy this as a change of pace.  Have a great weekend!

Come out Come out where ever you are…

A Series of Hallways
Well this post was supposed to be something entirely different. But on occasions one just has to follow their muse. My muse tells me its Fetish Friday and the unfinished post that is my albatross is not getting finished today.  Meanwhile  my hands tell me I played with a little too much rope last night, not that doing so is ever really a bad thing.
Often I talk about getting out more, doing things, meeting new people, blah, blah, blah. The truth is it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time but like so many things in my life I’m always somewhere else usually doing something other than what I really wanted to.  Well there was the time 2 winters ago when I was invited to join a religious based men’s fraternal organization.  I was flattered but politely declined seeing that being a pagan at best and an atheist most of the time probably didn’t make it a good fit.  The Chesty Blonde looked horrified as I told her about the invite offering alternatives such as the polar bear club because at least I had experience jumping into freezing water nearly naked.  That was the last nila attempt at getting out.
Sure I have a great network of friends to visit with during my travels, a drive to see one or another, a little private time here and there, terrorizing the occasional unsuspecting folks when I see Victoria or getting tackled and French Kissed by a Swinger friend in front of my boss is all good fun.  Not to mention my recent DC exploits.  All in all it’s been a great year with memorable nights and times of varying degrees in several cities including a new love for San Fran and a renewed love of our nation’s capital.  Add in a few places off the beaten path and all in all I’ve done a lot things with both old and new friends.  Still every month comes and goes and I miss my chance to be more local, to step out a bit and push my own limits by meeting new people.  Finally it’s time for that bold leap.  I’ve decided to go to my first non munch event (yes I know I’ve only hit an handful of those and sporadically at that).  The fact is I’ve lived here like it or not for 7 years it’s about time to stop lurking and wondering and get out there.
So after two months of internal debate about going to the upcoming local Grue I took the leap and bought the ticket.  Was it a huge financial commitment? No it was a deal fiscally speaking!  Really it was an emotional thing, a personal commitment; in many ways it was admitting that I really did need to try something new by going to an event.  After all I bitch every year about not being able to go to Shibaricon because umpteen (or maybe 11) years ago my sister decided to have her kids birthday parties that weekend. I missed the 2 Grue’s here because I was away (what else is new right?)
Still I vacillated for two months partly because I really wanted the Chesty Blonde to go with me.  After all she’s the pretty one, there would be no doubt that people would want to talk to her.  For that reason alone, the social piece I wanted her there.  I could just do my thing because pretty much everywhere we go she draws a crowd.  The Blonde is the friendly one and I’m the pervert but she opted out of going telling me to have fun and when in doubt find another nerd to talk about computer shit with and I’d be just fine.  She also opted out of the last DC trip too something about kids and school and other such nonsense.   Oh for those of you with an imagination.  Does she tie?  Her shoes yes other than that not that I’m aware of but you could always ask her.     Victoria on the other hand offered to fly in and yes she does tie but only boys and with a certain farm girl roots kind of style from what I’ve seen.  I’ve not decided my answer on yes or no to her joining me.
So here I sit two weeks away.  I can hear my first guitar teacher, practice, practice, practice, and make sure it’s perfect practice that’s how you get to Carnegie Hall.  So taking that advice I start looking at where I’m headed in the next two weeks; whether or not I can practice, where and with whom. At the end of it all I’m going to learn new things, so I can tie up the Blonde and other friends in new and exciting ways.  To make it all happen I reworked my schedule to fly home a day earlier so I could sleep in my own bed the night before things start instead of not sleeping and wondering aimlessly through the streets of NY that I love so much.
Being a middle aged fuck what pushed me over the edge and made me finally own up and step out.  Well four things really.  First was I happened to meet to local organizers of the event when I bought some rope from them as a present.  (hmmm has me wondering if Santa learned to tie yet?) and frankly they were very cool (friendly, helpful, inviting). Sure I wanted to go before that but somehow it made it all the more real.  Secondly I’d been listening to Graydancer’s Ropecast for quite a while but something resonated when listening to an episode that recounted a recent GRUE. Simply put the topic of kinky and monogamous came up.  It made me stop and think wait that’s me! Yes I play with others and know whether or not I am varies with your definition of monogamy just like it matters what your definition of “is” is.  Got it?  Good!
Third it is a way for me to try out an actual kink event without having to travel, it’s a chance to learn more about a number of things including whether or not events like this are for me. I already go enough places to do wicked things to people without needing to go to a kink conference that isn’t any more fun for me than a trade show about the latest widget.  My life and interests don’t really fit in to a kink mold so to speak. But that’s my hang up not yours moving right along.  Which brings me to the final reason.  I remember the first half assed chest harness I tied on the Blonde, I also remember the second one which after a little practice and a friend’s guidance flowed and fit so much better.  Mostly though how she purred and melted into me.   Maybe just maybe I’ll learn something else that will make her purr. Something new, and exciting to quote Will Ferrel in Old School “maybe something really cool that I didn’t know about.”
Logging into paypal was the point of no return.  Come out Come out where ever you are…a new adventure begins.
A parting and only semi related note to my good friends “AF Squared” happy 15th anniversary!  May you never move to the suburbs and only be forced to visit them on rare occasions.

Sexy Lingerie Picture of the Day v1.4.5

A faux Leather Babydoll is today’s selection kicking off yet another Fetish Friday (check back later for the fetish friday post.  This time around it will be a humorous look at the age old which came first the chicken or the egg theory but this time around a humorous look back at was it heavy metal music that made me kinky or did I like heavy metal because I was kinky.  Who knows ? As for the pics this morning faux leather lingerie is where it started for so many of my friends because after all you buys it at the mall, its was more affordable, might have just started as a little fantasy role play.
Well that and in the pre internet days to buy anything leather in most cities you had to head to a biker shop, and edgy lingerie store (my store of choice was Lady Godiva in Penn Hills outside of Pittsburgh)
Hope to see you back here later today.
Babydoll And Panty Set - Seductress faux leather babydoll set (L)

Babydoll And Panty Set – Seductress faux leather babydoll set (L)

A Few Bonus Pics as I reminisce (yes you can click the pic for pricing and details)
Bustier, Bustier, Panty And Garters Set - Seductress faux leather bustier set (S)
Camisole set - Chiffon and faux leather cami set (M)

Sexy Lingerie Picture of the Day v1.4.2

Normally I just throw up a few pics of scantily clad women in something sexy and call it a day.

Babydoll And Panty Set - Stardust babydoll with g-string (L) Babydoll And Panty Set – Stardust babydoll with g-string (L)
This provocatively elegant babydoll set is made of sheer black chiffon that is accented with a glitter and stars design. The triangle cups are held together by a shimmering rhinestone jewel, and have soft straps that tie around the neck. The chiffon flounce hem is split into four separate tresses, each asymmetrically designed creating a sexy open front and a low cut back. Comes with a matching g-string. (Babydoll And Panty Set)

Today though is a little different.   Imagine you’re having one of the greatest weeks of your life at a resort, tonight is the lingerie party at the disco and all is well.  Ok perhaps you’re a little sore, could use a touch more sun and ore completely oversexed but otherwise everything is perfect.   Now this is the kind of place where my kind of people are everywhere mixed in with the would be wild crowd, the nudists, and the group of internet “friends” who made this week their retreat and decided to adopt the Chesty Blonde and in turn me.
It’s 7ish the party starts around 9 and my preppie ass makes its way toward the dinner buffet opting out of the sit down options instead meeting our new friends.  About 15 minutes later a little number from long island sits down next to me in something that looked just like the outfit pictured above.  Ahh memories and old friends.   Its sad that we lose touch with so many people that create those oh so memorable moments in out life.

Sexy Lingerie Picture of the Day v1.4.1

Trying to get back into the swing of things with a sexy lingerie picture of the day.  Granted Sexy dress but one fetish i”m fairly certain will never be my kink in mannequins.  Still I could see or imagine this little number showing up at a party or bedroom near me some time soon.

Sexy gown, Sexy Dress - Slinky long dress Sexy gown, Sexy Dress – Slinky long dress
This slinky long dress is an alluring outfit to wear during a romantic evening. The dress front is completely open except for a portion of the middle that also has a decorative rhinestone buckle. Also included is a pair of matching boy shorts. The dress also looks fantastic paired with a tank top and sexy pants for an evening out. (Sexy Dresses)

or better yet

Sexy gown - Loungerie gown and g-string (3X) Sexy gown – Loungerie gown and g-string (3X)
Be simply sexy in this long elegant gown. Not too tight, not too loose cut is very forgiving but at the same time allows sheer black fabric to embrace your curves creating a sleek long silhouette. The O ring detail connects front with the ties which go down the back through the loops making a bow in the lower middle. The side slides and bare back adds sexy edge to this outfit. (Sexy Gowns)

This one with both legs slit high and is just sheer enough to make my blood boil.   My verdict no matter how sexy the lingerie the live woman will always win over the inanimate object in my book.   OK back to work now

Live Hard, Die Young…or maybe just catch a cold

So I use to be part of the live hard die young mindset but seeing as I’m now well into middle age here are a few recent excerpts and observations from the past two weeks for your amusement.

Mistress Victoria went “home” to a fly over state fair and called me in what was no doubt an excited flush and damn near a panic dial to inform me that they were handing out the “Pork Queen Award” and that not only are titles like that still in use and not the exclusive province of Hollywood bullshit but people are proud to have them.   After several completely inappropriate comments I failed to be shocked.  After all look at some of the great awards at the AVN’s but perhaps there is a difference between being pork queen at the state fair and winning the best pro am series award.  To me though the two seem eerily similar.

File this one under some women just can’t take a hint. Look I wonder into bars all the time. Sometimes alone but usually with someone else to participate in the mayhem.  So in my typically brooding manner I saunter into a watering hole to kill a few brain cells while waiting for an old friend to join me.  So its starts sort of like a joke. A woman walks up to a sarcastic prick in a bar and starts a conversation. Now I’m just trying to get a little unwound from the work day before an old queen friend shows up. The friend in question owns porn stores, funded very early live sex porn sites and has been in his alternative lifestyle for nearly 40 years. One of the benefits of being is his friend is he travels in the company of beautiful women.
So my new friend is asking me deep and meaningful questions.  Look she was pretty enough and certainly flirtatious but simply put beyond idle banter I’m not really looking for anything but more vodka and maybe an appetizer or two from the kitchen and head out to some old haunts and raise a little new hell.  A sultry brunette is always a welcome addition but when accompanied with a gaggle of friends probably not the best idea.
Some where I once read avoid bachlorette parties at all costs because it is nothing more than grown women playing silly games while indulging princess fantasies.  I am all about role play but the princess fantasy doesn’t work for me on any level.  This group of attractive women in black Tee”s jeans and heels was no doubt being led my my new friend.   Hot employed women out of town on business and starting what had the potential to be an epic bender.  For me the perfect crowd to fuck with.
So after not getting much of a rise out of me I offer.
“Excuse me miss but you look like you could be trouble.”  I get an indignant huff and answer her guttural response with “Oh what makes me think that? Trust me I know trouble when I see it” Now at this point I’m playing along in a very aloof manner.  Somewhere between hard to get and genuinely disinterested.  Where the fuck is my friend I begin to wonder but the Brunette keeps wanting to get “to know me”.  She tells me her name and I offer mine as well, after all its only common courtesy.  Two more drinks and she asks what I do for a living.  “Oh what do I do? well I’m a whore like everyone else.  In my case a professional goon and a part time pornographer.”  This is the part where women usually run the other way.  Not this one I must have been absolutely enthralling, or the only guy in the bar.  You pick but here’s hint the next man to enter the place comes swishing in with an enthusiastic  “Hey Mal!”   After greetings, another drink or two and my friend taking in the pool of women and the idle banter we made our way out to his over priced sedan. While I loved seeing H the wildest part of the night occurred in the bar, the remainder of the  night was decidedly quiet and uneventful.  Sadly no beautiful women or other part time pornographers were in tow.

So I live in a world filled with women and relationships of varying and complex types.  So while reading a post on fetlife the other day someone asked how others perceive the relationships status of its complicated.  I didn’t answer there because when i thought about it the answer varies.  On Fetlife I list my self as married which in fact I am and have been married to the chesty blonde for quite some time.  Yet on other profiles I list my status as its complicated.   For example the blonde is extremely jealous and very much disapproves of my relationship with and less than discreet passion for German cars.  That alone complicates my primary relationship, add to that the fact I do things to people that would probably violate the Geneva convention if they weren’t consensual.  Hell maybe they still do.  Lets not forget the myriad of old friends and others that I’m still close to.  The fact that once upon a time I slept next to my guitar more often than my wife and that at the very least I’m kind of poly.
I guess the distinction for me is that listing a relationship as married on a site where most people participate in things although not necessarily actual sex with more than one person somewhere along the way is to me considered the norm stating that its complicated isn’t necessary.  On a mains stream site listing it as anything other than its complicated would fail to give the good old vanilla folks appropriate warning.   And there you have my complicated answer to “it’s complicated”

Trash The Dress 7 by ~Katty10 on deviantART
Moving right along last night we head out to dinner and the blonde and lil want sushi and well div and I want something that was not sushi.  They’re in the same general area so we get dropped off at our eatery of choice and then wind up across the way at the local mall entering right near the Tux store where all the groomsmen are picking up their costumes for the weekend’s ritual sacrifice. Diva pulls up a chair near by and starts discussing divorce rates with me.  The ironic part is I’m not one of those stats.  Who would have guessed? Thankfully for me Diva does have her fathers cruel sense of humor. The rest of the world had better watch out.

If I invite you to a party what would you assume?
its kind of funny odds are if you don’t really know me you’d assume that it would be something like Caligula but the fact is 90% of things I go to are pretty damn normal,  granted I have friends who afterward make things interesting and do take the occasional dark alley home but here’s a hint even people like me have a normal life.   Well kind of; if you exclude work.
So next time someone who is kinky, a swinger , or poly invites you some where take a moment to ask.  Even if you are one of the aforementioned types.  Rock Stars should dress like normal people when grocery shopping and just because I ask you to something doesn’t mean I want to fuck you, play with you, or break up your current relationship.  Sometimes even kinky people just want to hang out.

Quote of the week goes to a good friend who told me “I tell my kids you’re old enough now to know that just because you can put something in your mouth doesn’t mean you should. That includes women &  food”  generally speaking very good advice from a father of 3 boys who are now in their 20’s.  Still I think i violate this guidance on a regular basis.
Now on to the fetish friday eye candy portion.

Sexy Lingerie Picture of the day v1.3.7

OK way behind its been a wild week that involved a one of my favorite red heads and my favorite sexy little brunette and drinks at 10 am before one insanely hot afternoon.  On the down side the drinks were gator aid and 100 degree temps.  So on that note today’s picture make me want to simply say Lola!


Brown Cheetah Modest Thong