Five – My Medicine

“Somebody mixed my medicine
I don’t know what I’m on
Somebody mixed my medicine
Now baby its all gone
Somebody mixed my medicine
Somebody’s in my head again
And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

My Medicine – The Pretty Reckless

 

Before 5 years ago i took about 4 tylenol a year. And an all natural ethically vegan friendly multivitamin.

When I started traveling internationally regularly half a sleeping pill was added the first few nights when there was a time change of more than 6 hours. Not great but not the worst thing. Then occasional other use to shut down and sleep would be referred to as “going into to void”. I have an addictive personality. It is the very reason I avoided recreational drugs (coffee doesn’t count).

The only other time was when she was next to me. I couldn’t sleep with her there. After her suicide on her own script for those very same pills fear of them set in. Prior it never once occurred how dangerous they could be.

A few months later when life became totally frantic I added 2 benadryl for allergies at night, Sleep was sweet. As my demons chased me, an unrelenting pace, sadness, loneliness, and ambition danced it would grow to 4.

I would feel myself floating for a few seconds before sleep. It was probably a “high”. Eventually fear faded and it became 2 allergy pills and a sleeping pill, other nights tylenol, On a Friday i tried a new pill to keep me asleep “a Stay a Sleep er all” It was magic. until it wasn’t and would linger in my system and i was literally off my fucking rocker with manic swings from high enegery to the in ability to stay awake for the next 36 hours. It took 5 or six times to realize the issue.

The demons after sleep were winning. Things and thoughts became dark in the blink of an eye. The remaining ones were flushed.

As the song says i had mixed my medicine. not once considering the potential to OD. You will literally just “wake up dead”, My daughter freaked at the cocktail. The wife mentioned the risk was real. in 9 months i had gone from terrified of pills to mixing them to find nothingness in sleep. No dreams, no memories, no waking.

So I stopped before i was the one taking a dirt nap.

4 Replies to “Five – My Medicine”

  1. Better to be without the pills… I know how hateful it is when you want to sleep and you can’t, but have found some homeopathic stuff that works for me. I hope nowadays you sleep much better, without the pills.

    Rebel xox

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