Bad Marriage Advice

Look I’m the person people come to with tough questions. Real problems and genuine things that they need help (or want me to) solve. And in truth I’m pretty fucking awesome at helping, getting them to the right resources and or getting them to find solutions. I am cool under pressure, brutal but well intentioned, and often a force to be reckoned with. That is unless of course its marriage or relationship advice. Then I’m Hurricane mal and can only offer Bad Marriage Advice
Most Recently
It’s a Friday night. I’m “being social” with a group of (The Blonde’s) acquaintances. Normally they are nice people who I tolerate well in small doses and some of who I actually enjoy. That night was not one of those nights.
One is going on about how she’s upset that her husband is attracted to another woman. Seriously high drama bat shit crazy high school BS. I try to stay out of it.
I defer twice. Then when cornered start a complete and utter shit storm.
Radom Party going woman – “Don’t you think its terrible he’s attracted to her (meaning another woman)?”
Me- No. I think it’s normal and probably healthy actually.
Woman married to said man- “We’re married! I’ve had his children, and this is what he does!”
Me – “Is he fucking her?”
Woman- “Pardon me! What did you ask?”
Me- “I asked is he fucking the woman he’s attracted to?”
Woman- “absolutely not!”
Me – “So what’s the problem?”
Woman – head spinning spewing world class diatribe hateful anti male speech about how we’re all the same.
Me- “So you’ve never been attracted to someone who isn’t your husband since you became a couple?”
Woman- not in the same way.
Me- oh ok.
Enter the ire of other woman who are now offended by me.
“What if the TCB liked X.”
Me – ok
Woman 2 – What if he was flirting with her?
Me- “She’s hot. Who could blame him.”
Woman 3 “And I suppose TCB knows when some woman catches your eye.”
Me – “Usually”
Back to high drama wife where it all began “So I kicked him out!” because this obviouly all about her.
Friends cheer and applaud her statement.
The crowd begins advocating kicking all bastard husbands out for basically nothing even by my estimation of vanilla standards..
Me – that’s a great idea. Nothing makes a man think I want to stay here and put up with your bull shit more than making him sleep somewhere else.
A chorus that amounted to shut the fuck up rang out.
Me – “So you kicked him out because when he admitted to being attracted to another woman? And you’re the one who brought it up right?”
High Drama Wife – “You’re damn right I kicked him out” another soliloquy on having had children “for him”.
Now I’m an asshole and a moron but I think in America women have the ability to decide to have children…or not.
Me – “that’s brilliant. Kick him out for a simply natural reaction. Most men will now be where ever with said woman fucking her six ways from Sunday. And why not you attacked him for being human.  Odds are if it’s not the one you’re losing your mind over it will be a different woman in less than a week.”
A Choir of rage an hatred that can be summed up into – “Fucking asshole!”
Me – yep. It’s a well documented fact I’m a fucking asshole.
Another chorus that amounted to shut the fuck up broke out.
Me – Monogamy is stupid.
 
Some stunned silence, some still challenging my fucked up view of the situation, others consoling my poor wife.
I exit stage left and head to the liquor store to buy the group more hooch,
Truth is I give a lot of bad marriage advice. Sex life isn’t working. Try to fix it then trade out, up, or add another partner.
Husband doesn’t appreciate you, ignores you etc. – Pull the rip cord and get the fuck out.
I’ve lost lifelong friends over honest answers to what I thought of their partners and or future spouse.
Look my own choices are just that mine. The Blonde and I have very different views on the world yet somehow manage to make it work civilly if not well (most of the time). She does believe that monogamy is normal. I don’t and think Poly makes perfect sense.   Most people can’t separate love and sex…once their out of college or say “I Do”.
 
Hell other than PIV i’m from the Bill Clinton school of sexual relations.   It’s fun, it may be sexual but it is not in the biblical sense actually sex.  Then again I think rope can just be rope and not have a sexual element to it.  I think impact play can be like pick up basketball and I accept that my views aren’t main stream and don’t pretend they are.
So if you want to make things worse than they already are come to me. I excel at bad Marriage advice.
 
Postlude – So Lil overheard/was present for a conversation the Blonde and I about this.  It was a difficult thing for me because TCB was in part in alignment with the wife in question.  She was emotional about it and thought the wife while overly dramatic had a legitimate concern. And those feeling are valid.  I was diametrically opposed.  Granted the couple in question are a “normal” couple.  I’m not the best judge of what that should mean to others who don’t see the world though an open lens. I freely admit I understand the rules of kink, swingers, and Poly folks far better than the variances in a traditional relationship.  Ironically Lil told me that I have an ability to compartmentalize my life that most others don’t. to separate Work, Personal, Love, Sex, kink and relationships into different boxed. Apparently that is unique.  I’m just a special kind of fucked up as usual.

2 Replies to “Bad Marriage Advice”

  1. I agree with you. I can’t stand those type of women. This why I probably don’t have a lot of girlfriends.
    Monogamy … Don’t get me started.
    This is a great post.

  2. We are all attracted to people other than our primary partners at times. Some people just do a better job of hiding the attraction than others. Why “normal” society makes a big deal of it I’ll never understand. Years ago a boyfriend of mine noticed an attractive lady when we were out at the mall. I said something to him along the lines of how hot she looked and he was shocked. He tried to deny that he found her attractive but I told him to go ahead and look at whoever he wanted. I still remember the shocked look on his face.
    Like you said, they aren’t fucking so there shouldn’t be a problem. Although, I am of the mind that if they want to and their primary partners are okay with it then be at it. Sex is sex, love is love, and you can have one without the other.
    Stella
    Xxx

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