Kink of the Week Lingerie

This has ended up as more of a manifesto on the topic. In a convoluted way it deals with my love of lingerie but not really as a kink. In actuality perhaps it deals; not necessarily fairly and not gently with a issue in my primary relationship and how I have dealt with it rightly or wrongly.
It is easy to say that lingerie and my love of it has been one of the biggest challenges for me in my marriage. Think about all the fucked up stuff i do and then let that one settle in for a minute.
On the surface the topic of lingerie blends two of my favorite things an overtly sexy action/intention and fashion.  Looking deeper however it shows a fundamental disconnect between what I like and want and how my relationship with the Blonde all too often works.
So dealing with the fashion piece first.
While I can be found in jeans and a t shirt when the occasion truly calls for it most of the time I prefer clothes that are more formal or with a specific purpose. At the very least a collared shirt and not sneakers. It’s something I’ve written about before perhaps too much.  The Blonde’s sense of style is more about comfort and casual for everyday wear. There is no doubt that it is a mix of regional differences as well as our family back ground and genral out look on life factor in to this. After all my father put on a suit and tie everyday for work and I more or less did the same for school. With the exception of wearing a tie most days I still do.  Add to that a love black tie events, dressing for the theater, and formal parties both social and business related.
(To me) when a woman puts on something sexy and feminine even if it’s cute panties and a bra there is intention. And that is what I like about lingerie. It is the intention to feel and be sexy. Please note for me this has nothing to do with body size, shape or promiscuity.  Someone dressing in what to me is is the ultimate form of fimineinity simply for themselves is wonderful.
Along those lines and far less altruistically my early girlfriends (and most since then) were all very fashion conscious.  In many cases they specifically wore things for me. It was (and is ) part of what I look for in a person. Yes I’m a shallow Chauvinist bastard . The Blonde didn’t own a teddy until I bought her one in college. She wore it only once that I can recall and not because I tore it off of her. Stockings and garters were already de rigueur in my world. Leather undergarments and play wear had long before her entered my lexicon.
Part of it was who my partners were. The cheer girls, the sorority set, the well heeled, the Wild ones flaunting their sexuality. The rocker chick, the artist types and although I’ll say with with some hesitation and no intention to disparage their character the strumpets. Given that wide and assorted mix with a seeming constant parade of Frederick’s worthy wear I assumed every woman liked and wore sexy lingerie. Of course I was as is often the case absolutely fucking wrong.
To me it was as much a part of fashion and that mixing in a hint of something sexy under every day wear was normal with a healthy dose of just for sex wear thrown in . And for the women I knew (and loved) it was.
As for the Blonde after those first failed experiences where she was uncomfortable which was never my intention. She had tried, so I tried adjusting as well by shopping with her after all I had experience doing such things with others. Looking for a compromise, a happy medium. Some of it got worn on occasion sleep wear, shorts and cammie sets were workable once upon a time. Along the way I tried buying things I wanted her to wear for me. It never happened. I tried buying things I thought she’d like, that were pretty and perhaps even sensible. They went in to drawers and on shelves. I never understood the refusal, frankly I still don’t.
Yet her friends would approach me at parties and tell me how jealous they were that I always bought her such nice things. Ranting about how their husbands never did such things.
Typically I’d smile and be gracious until one night I wasn’t. Stating ” they never get worn and that I will never buy her anything of the sort again”. And to this day I haven’t…no heels, no dresses, and certainly no lingerie. And the reason is even I can only take so much. We work well as a couple on so many levels, but not this one. I would get so angry that no matter what she just wouldn’t try. No matter how supportive, patient, or turned on I was it wasn’t something she liked, not even a little. After requests had been ignored time and again I simply gave up rather than continuing to get mad about it.
Then I did what any complete lunatic would do…started an online lingerie company. You see part of why I wanted her to wear it was for me. Selfishly because like seeing her as a sexy and beautiful creature and yes one who will do things just for me because it’s what I want. In fairness nudity isn’t an issue for her so it’s not a bad trade off. And the other part of it was I like when a woman…not just one who is with me feels pretty, and confident, and yes sexual. I wanted her to feel that way…as much for me as anything.  The last time the blonde wore lingerie of any note for me is the picture you see in the header (she will wear a thing if i ask so I don’t mean to discount that). It was the only time she has worn a corset and took it off quickly.
So I filled the gap with others my favorite sexy little brunette in our time together was always in something sexy, completely impractical and over priced.  Alice has always gone out of her way to wear things I love including fishnets and bottom baring panties in an assortment of cuts.
And of course all the others along the way who have crossed my path that I sold lingerie to. Everything from tawdry get ups and Halloween party costumes to clothes for swingers events, and bridal wear. In fact I miss that business and have considered starting to something again.
The few dollars I made at it was nice, and yes I learned a few new geek skills but I truly enjoyed the product. I have the luxury of being successful elsewhere so for me the lingerie business was simply a sideline and something to enjoy. A way to feel the if nothing else I was helping a woman I’d never meet feel sexy and hopefully confident in her desires if even only for a few seconds. or a couple have a memorable occasion.
In a way it filled one of the holes in my own soul that other people wouldn’t.  You see it’s not always about sex sometimes it about intention.
Kink of the Week
Music Legs was  one of the lines I use to sell and was a fan of. Since I grabbed their image I linked to them but have no current business or affiliation with them
Music Legs Lingerie

8 Replies to “Kink of the Week Lingerie”

  1. Fascinating piece. I find myself curious about what it is about lingerie/heels etc that holds no attraction for The Blonde. I am not casting any judgement about that mind you just wondering what it is about it, that doesn’t seem to register for her in anyway. In fact from some of what you write it there is an implication that it is doesn’t just not register with her but actually makes her feel uncomfortable.
    Then there is your love for lingerie and a ‘woman dressed up’. I can often be found at home in my jeans and t-shirt or even just my onesie but as you well know I love to get dressed up and often, beneath my jeans I am sporting a matching bra and panty set or at the very least some fun panties that make me smile. Why? because I like it… and knowing that maybe ‘you’ (the you being unidentified) would too pleases me even more.

    1. Molly it’s a long and complicated answer. I’d be happy to discuss it with you or send a response off line to provide more insight if you’d like.

  2. Thank you for that deeply honest post. I have been on quite a lingerie journey myself. I used to get very frustrated with lingerie. I loved stockings and suspenders but once I started working in a job where they were impractical, I got out of the habit. Buying lingerie that looked good was too hard until relatively recently when some manufacturers widened their ranges of bra sizes. Nothing puts a girl off lingerie more than walking past all the pretty stuff to get to the industrial stuff.
    That has changed now and I LOVE having matching sets and wear them 98% of the time.

  3. I myself love lingerie and would live in it if I could! I also love to have reasons to dress up and make myself look as best I can for Master- only those occasions are rather few. I can’t offer reasons for The Blonde to not enjoy- but guessing she has her reasons.

  4. I somewhat understand. My sexy attire is just naked. I will wear my husband’s t shirts as pajamas (which if you remember seeing us at Eroticon, he’s quite a bit taller than me, so it’s almost a dress). I love to be comfortable.
    However, I did write up my specific hang up with wearing lingerie as a seduction technique.

  5. I love lingerie.. even though I sometimes feel umm big in it. My boobs are huge even for what many companies sell as their plus line. There is where the love affair for me gets jaded. I want to be sexy not squished in tight. I have a friend who never owned anything remotely sexy. Her husband loves the sexy stuff. When doing reviews for lingerie I often gave her the pieces that did not fit my bust comfortably. While she is still very vanilla this part of her has opened up. When talking to her about her fear of those things I learned her grandmother had pretty much instilled in her missionary sex only , lights out, don’t get completely naked and no oral.. yeah that would put a damper on anyone’s sex life. I actually got her in a Hustler store this weekend. Let’s just say watching her reaction to all of the toys and the like was priceless…

  6. I can understand not liking it. When I was younger, my parents (mostly my mom), forced us girls to “dress like a lady” 3 out of 5 days a week for school. Skirts, dresses, and heels didn’t make me feel like me. I am willing to bet that lingerie just doesn’t let her feel like herself.

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