So up front let’s cover what this isn’t. It’s not a guide to getting a non swinger to swing, a non cock sucker to suck dick like a hose queen or a non kinkster to let you do whatever they’re not into etc. There are plenty of know it all scammers on the net who can tell you how to do that, or so they claim. I am also not saying that the way I live is right, or good, or even working well at this particular moment; because it’s not. This is merely one of those happier moments that was important to me.
It’s a sunny June day, I’m sitting along Boston Harbor watching beautiful sail boats come and go while having a French Lemonade with a good friend. We were just talking, ok I was fighting off the urge to go on a bender that would start with a few more very potent French lemonades. Nothing more than normal conversations about business, life, love, sex, the 50 shades phenomena, a mutual swinger friend of ours. You know just another typical day for me talking about fucking and doing my best to keep my demons at bay. He asked about some of what I do and don’t do kink, relationship, and sex wise. I answered honestly and pointed out some of my limits and some due to my relationships.
My friend is no choir boy but he’s also not a lifestyler by main stream standards or his own. We came back to the topic of success. You see so much is made in this world of success, the need to be successful, renowned, acclaimed, lauded, or whatever. There is personal, professional, relationship, parenting, and a million other ways to measure success. And many of us, myself perhaps more than most have sold out to those preconceived notions of what success is. In fact I tell my kids to do what they love and not sell out just for money. Some days, or most days really I’m little more than a whore in an overpriced suit.
Recently between bouts of corporate whore mongering and deciding what I’m doing next I had a bit of an epiphany. Actually the catalyst for this one goes to my favorite local bondage rope maker Lily the Rope Ho. For years I have had two lives. This one and the mostly vanilla one my greedy fucking birth name lives under. The reality is we’re the same guy. It’s not like I say one thing here and believe another somewhere else. In fact the only difference is the frankness of conversations and the topics. Well that one wears Johnston & Murphy wingtips and the others wears jeans and black boots both though are sadistic pricks in their own way. Slowly through the wonders of time, social media, and just luck the lines of who is Mal and who isn’t have blurred.
One night I get a friend request on FB on my droid. It’s my vanilla account. I looked at the name, drew a blank and opted to look at it later on a real machine. My 25th class reunion is coming up and new old names are popping up all the time. Now let’s get real I’m not a PG kind of guy so even my nilla account isn’t PG. I rant about politics (I hate all of them ), share thoughts on not nice church going folks kind of music (cooper and Manson in just a few weeks), post a lot about food (I cook a lot) and running (tons of pics with me and skinny women in tights) and the need to run because of my love of food. I swear and bitch and moan about my favorite sports teams sports. So basic R rated typical normal guy kind of stuff.
The next morning I log on. After realizing who it was I instantly accepted but beyond that it got me to stop for a minute and think. Without realizing it over the past few years I had finally crossed the gap between who I am allowed to be here and who people perceive me to be. Taking time and looking closely at my friends list what I saw in a PG-13 kind of way was you could tell you weren’t going to find me or most of my real life friends at the local moral conservatives club. In fact there are more alternative lifestyle types there than I do on my pen name’s account. There are the artists, musicians, and theater crowd, old loves, lovers and lusts, countless same sex oriented folks. And yes there are play partners, kinksters, and even a pornographer or two right there next to the bible thumping cousin in law who is married to a minister, the elected official, and the girl I fucked doggie style on a pool table in front of far too many people at a party years ago.
And that my friends makes me truly happy and is how I’m defining success for my alternative lifestyle.Now if you’ll excuse me I need to make good on a few other promises including planning a party and inviting all the friends (certainly not least of which Lily & Aja) I’ve committed to inviting (think late summer or early fall), and finally getting off my ass and setting up a few meetings I’ve been putting off for absolutely no good reason.