Playing Top

Censored UnderwearIt’s funny for years I thought there really were very few things that could be said to me that I’d take offense to.   And it is pretty much true.  When it comes to kink I thought there were even less.  I’m not one for labels, and stereo types and god knows I rant about it often enough that this isn’t exactly new ground.   Then out of nowhere it hit me a few simple words, a simply harmless sentence…”are you going to come by when you’re done playing top?”
Really “Playing Top” I could feel my temper flare, I wanted to snap back and unleash my anger at the insinuation I was merely “playing” at what I was doing.
I’ve mused time and again how I don’t fit the profile for many lifestylers.  How I do things my own way within my relationships.  I guess part of my outlaw mentality is being outside the outlaws rules too. We’re not talking about play styles or safety but more or less old guard the one true way as I’ve heard it put type of thing.  If you dig that its cools as long as you respect my boundaries of not digging it.  I know myself well enough to know what doesn’t fit me.  If you’re not cool with it it’s your issue is the typical approach.  In general it usually works just fine.
I openly admit that I like to play with a variety of folks, that I play with the Blonde whenever I can and that I have a myriad of complicated friendships and relationships based around these type of things.   Kermit the Frong Sang “It’s not Easy Being Green”  well I can’t speak for that one but I know it’s not easy being kinky, poly, or both on your own set of terms.  Someone should publish the definitive guide to being kinky. (Kidding! I’d probably not read it and certainly wouldn’t follow it)
So why would the words they words “playing top” hit such a nerve? After all I was playing and well I am by all accounts a Top.   I take symbolism for what it is to the folks involved and nothing more, I eschew grandiose labels.   Sure I was still ruminating on a bad scene from earlier in the week; one where I questioned the very dynamics of my relationship with that person which is a topic for another post completely. So maybe I was just insecure and got my feelings hurt?
Maybe it struck a chord because while I play at a lot of things the two things I’m certain of is that I’m kinky as fuck and a Top.   In this fucked up, not really, but kind of, sort of, not mainstream way that we live I play at rope, at wax, at poly (though it may be unfair to call this piece play), I play parts in scenes.  I write erotica, power exchange and rough sex stories.   I go to the occasional event or party where I engage in conversation (though rarely is it kinky its usually about books or the economy) and yes even play.   I like playing with adult school girls and naughty women of all kinds in spanking scenes from mild to heavy.  I play with decorative and restrictive bondage using rope and occasional other cuffs and kinky things.  So to say I don’t play would be a damn lie but there is one thing I don’t play at; being a top.
So that concludes my pissy rant and if you say “playing top” again I might just play something on your ass that you won’t enjoy just for my own amusement.   Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to buy a new pair of black boots and try to find a black t shirt that spells out TOP in metal spikes and capital letters so this mistake isn’t made again.
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16 Replies to “Playing Top”

  1. Those labels are nasty buggers. My theory is do whatever…so long as all are consenting and all enjoy…what does it matter? Just play.

  2. That’s telling them!!
    Really, I get something similar when a certain person tells me it’s time to “grow up and act my age” about my kink. It just makes my blood boil!!!
    ~Kazi xxx

  3. UGH the one place labels should be the least concern and they still have a way of making us cringe. Haters are gonna hate sweetie, sounds to me like someone is jealous that you know who you are and what you like period.

  4. Labels!!!! Damn words! I think so much of it is about context and it sounds like this remake was made is a slightly disparaging way. It certainly implies that what you were doing is little more than a hobby which is clearly not the case. I can understand why it made you cross.

    1. I find as I get more comfortable and open about my lifestyle others occasionally react in ways I never expect at the oddest times.

  5. Labels – not my thing at all – I avoid them where I can.
    My relationship with my partner is quite unique in the way that we operate – I think that is the key, accepting and not judging others for the way they operate and live their life.
    As has been said before I suspect a lot of the green-eyed monster (jealousy) at work here, someone wants some of what you have but doesn’t have it so attacks you.
    Good for you for voicing your feelings and letting them know exactly what you thought!!
    ~Mia~ xx

  6. You always make me smile, no matter the context of your writing. I like that you always shine through. Sometimes it just takes the most miniscule of comments to get us pumped. You are right, timing and context.
    As far as labels go, did you not realize I was a kinky dominant submissive exhibitionist who enjoys bondage and voyeurism, not vanilla? LOL… yeah that about clears it up!

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