I Drove a Gorean Crazy Once

Black capital M on a red back ground - M is for Malflic
Today’s random Malflic fact: the entire addition of M to the website originated out of a spite move when someone accused Mal of being secretly submissive since he didn’t bother capitalize his own name in profiles.

The subtitle on this one should be “A Humorous look at how to suck at protocol and basic English simultaneously ”
Once upon a time a long, long time ago someone harassed me with “hey you should join this site it’s full of kinky people” relentlessly.  So eventually I did.  After all I was kinky and the more kinky folks in my life the better.  Right?  I was at the time far from a newbie in a lot of areas but had kept my online kink to story boards,old school chats (IRC & BBS thank you very much), and eventually yahoo groups (and even geo cities at one point).  I was a kinky nerd but I wasn’t looking for dates, or lovers, or a slave, or a sub, or a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker or any of the other wonderfully assorted things which based on the site was my first mistake.  I was pretty much just there to check it out, see what was going on around me, maybe find a party or event to go to I didn’t know of.
One day early on an IM popped up.    It started with the entire YOU/me/i thing.  I’m not against protocols really I’m not but I’m also not into to them.  Hell I’m usually just happy when I write a sentence that makes a bit of sense, more or less conveys my point, and might not have caused my grade school teachers to have a coronary.  In other words I’m not exactly “protocol material”.
She continued on like a good missionary should time and again in a fruitless attempt to convert me to her ways, bless her for trying.   I copped to the fact I couldn’t follow (ok I didn’t want to) and while I was a lot of things Gorean wasn’t one of them but that the Dorian mode was one of my favorite tonal scales in music right after Mixolydian.  Sadly she was not impressed.  Apparently musical virtuosity is not a requirement for that particular protocol seeking submissive.  Which was a damn shame since I could have talked the theory of harmony and melody to her like no one she had ever met before, assuming she wasn’t a formally trained musician that is.   In which case we could have talked in minor 3rds and suspended sevenths.
From time to time I’d log on just to see if anything had changed. Eventually she’d surface at a few other sites and out interplaybecame a running joke.  She’d use her protocol in writing to me and in IM’s.  I’d remind her that while I liked hearing from her not to expect me to follow suit.  Once she commented that I randomly capitalize words.  It struck me as ironic that a woman who wrote “I” as “i” had issues with my capitalization.
So being a sadistic prick with a penchant for random improper capital letters I began writing back things like “hOw are YOU doing today?”  I figured that to really get her goat I’d capitalize everything she insisted on placing in lower case letters.   I’d write things that looked like “ThE rAiN iN sPaIn FeLl LiKe A mOtHeR oN tHe DaNes” (yes Victoria that modification to the phrase was just for you, & no it is not intended as a golden shower innuendo you crazy Viking.)
Eventually I stopped visiting those site in favor of newer ones.  I do hope she finally found whatever it was she was looking for and every so often that when writing in her preferred way she shakes just a little and remembers that evil fuck that drove a nice well meaning Gorean girl crazy once, and not in a good way.
Postlude: This is an abbreviated version of a true story. While written in jest I mean no offense to anyone who is into to protocol.  If it’s your thing it’s cool, it’s just not mine.  What always strikes me as odd though is how people occasionally make that type of approach and then get upset others don’t play along .  To me it’s kind of like going to a Slayer concert and being pissed off they didn’t play Christmas music.    Do you like death metal?  No?  You like holiday music?  Cool let’s listen to Reign in Blood on the 15 hour road trip then you’ll really dig it just like i do.
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20 Replies to “I Drove a Gorean Crazy Once”

    1. I do my best on grammar. Note I didn’t say I do well or get it right very often. How’s life now that you’re doing rope full time?

  1. LMAO: “…while I was a lot of things Gorean wasn’t one of them but that the Dorian mode was one of my favorite tonal scales in music right after Mixolydian.” Well done.

  2. There are a few things that grate me nerves. One of them is spelling. I will openly admit grammar and I have a love hate relationship, but spelling is my bitch. I have completely stopped going to sites simply because their continual spelling issues left me pulling hair out and it wasn’t worth it to suffer like that. I am fully aware that scientifically speaking the brain only uses the first couple letters and the last letter to form the word while reading, but I still notice. So here is the nerd in me, write erotica and spell well. There you go, now you know my kinky secret.

    1. Spelling is an issue for me that I try to pay attention to but often miss the mark. My favorite spelling issue story is that in college I was taking a Spanish class and when the first test came back there was red all over it with a note to see the prof. He asked if I spoke any other languages and at the time I was semi conversational in Italian. Turns out I had put Italian verbs in all the Spanish sentences.

  3. Wicked man!!
    I did some similar things in my BBSing days because I am a bit of a grammar and spelling nazi and I would get those persistent folk… though no Goreans! 🙂
    ~Kazi xxx

    1. Sometimes you just have to have a bit of fun though I’m far from being qualified as a spelling or grammar authority of any type.

  4. One of the things that really grates on my nerves is the subs who talk about themselves in the 3rd person. It feels to me that by being sub they have lost something about their own identity…when in fact I am of the firm belief that a good D/s relationship should do the exact opposite for a sub

    1. I think any relationship you’re in its essential for people to retain their own identity and to the point of your post this week be who they are not a character in a role.

  5. Did she ever tell you that you were making her angry or did she stay in her role when you randomly capitalized letters? For myself, I think I walk more or less a middle line – with some things I am into protocol and with others I do not care about protocol at all. Your post had me smiling 🙂
    Rebel xox

    1. It’s always nice to make a lady smile. I did get her to break “character” a few times later on but she never came right out and told me to stop being an ass. Actually I like to think that she kept in contact with me for as long as she did because I was entertaining.

  6. You do always make me smile. I am with Kazi on being a grammar and spelling nazi. I have one blogger friend who can truly attest to that. I am often emailing him with corrections. Thank goodness he knows me and realizes I am only trying to help rather than harp.

    1. Feel free to send me edits too I wouldn’t be offended. While others may not agree my biggest struggle is tense. But I’m working on it.

  7. I think I would have been like yourself. Nothing brings out the perverse in me like someone who is trying to make me behave in a certain way that they have deemed correct.

  8. Brilliant!! Had me smiling to (or is it “too” – that’s always my grammar downfall – lol).
    Personally myself and my man are not into protocol as such, however, when “in scene” we will often use the Sir/slut titles but that is about it (that works both ways as well as we Switch). Otherwise as long as we are both enjoying what we are doing we just “go with the flow”!!
    Great post!!
    ~Mia~ xx

    1. Mia,
      Sounds like you have a good solution and going with the flow if everyone is on board and having fun is never bad.

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