The subtitle on this one should be “A Humorous look at how to suck at protocol and basic English simultaneously ”
Once upon a time a long, long time ago someone harassed me with “hey you should join this site it’s full of kinky people” relentlessly. So eventually I did. After all I was kinky and the more kinky folks in my life the better. Right? I was at the time far from a newbie in a lot of areas but had kept my online kink to story boards,old school chats (IRC & BBS thank you very much), and eventually yahoo groups (and even geo cities at one point). I was a kinky nerd but I wasn’t looking for dates, or lovers, or a slave, or a sub, or a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker or any of the other wonderfully assorted things which based on the site was my first mistake. I was pretty much just there to check it out, see what was going on around me, maybe find a party or event to go to I didn’t know of.
One day early on an IM popped up. It started with the entire YOU/me/i thing. I’m not against protocols really I’m not but I’m also not into to them. Hell I’m usually just happy when I write a sentence that makes a bit of sense, more or less conveys my point, and might not have caused my grade school teachers to have a coronary. In other words I’m not exactly “protocol material”.
She continued on like a good missionary should time and again in a fruitless attempt to convert me to her ways, bless her for trying. I copped to the fact I couldn’t follow (ok I didn’t want to) and while I was a lot of things Gorean wasn’t one of them but that the Dorian mode was one of my favorite tonal scales in music right after Mixolydian. Sadly she was not impressed. Apparently musical virtuosity is not a requirement for that particular protocol seeking submissive. Which was a damn shame since I could have talked the theory of harmony and melody to her like no one she had ever met before, assuming she wasn’t a formally trained musician that is. In which case we could have talked in minor 3rds and suspended sevenths.
From time to time I’d log on just to see if anything had changed. Eventually she’d surface at a few other sites and out interplaybecame a running joke. She’d use her protocol in writing to me and in IM’s. I’d remind her that while I liked hearing from her not to expect me to follow suit. Once she commented that I randomly capitalize words. It struck me as ironic that a woman who wrote “I” as “i” had issues with my capitalization.
So being a sadistic prick with a penchant for random improper capital letters I began writing back things like “hOw are YOU doing today?” I figured that to really get her goat I’d capitalize everything she insisted on placing in lower case letters. I’d write things that looked like “ThE rAiN iN sPaIn FeLl LiKe A mOtHeR oN tHe DaNes” (yes Victoria that modification to the phrase was just for you, & no it is not intended as a golden shower innuendo you crazy Viking.)
Eventually I stopped visiting those site in favor of newer ones. I do hope she finally found whatever it was she was looking for and every so often that when writing in her preferred way she shakes just a little and remembers that evil fuck that drove a nice well meaning Gorean girl crazy once, and not in a good way.
Postlude: This is an abbreviated version of a true story. While written in jest I mean no offense to anyone who is into to protocol. If it’s your thing it’s cool, it’s just not mine. What always strikes me as odd though is how people occasionally make that type of approach and then get upset others don’t play along . To me it’s kind of like going to a Slayer concert and being pissed off they didn’t play Christmas music. Do you like death metal? No? You like holiday music? Cool let’s listen to Reign in Blood on the 15 hour road trip then you’ll really dig it just like i do.
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