Live Hard, Die Young…or maybe just catch a cold

So I use to be part of the live hard die young mindset but seeing as I’m now well into middle age here are a few recent excerpts and observations from the past two weeks for your amusement.

Mistress Victoria went “home” to a fly over state fair and called me in what was no doubt an excited flush and damn near a panic dial to inform me that they were handing out the “Pork Queen Award” and that not only are titles like that still in use and not the exclusive province of Hollywood bullshit but people are proud to have them.   After several completely inappropriate comments I failed to be shocked.  After all look at some of the great awards at the AVN’s but perhaps there is a difference between being pork queen at the state fair and winning the best pro am series award.  To me though the two seem eerily similar.

File this one under some women just can’t take a hint. Look I wonder into bars all the time. Sometimes alone but usually with someone else to participate in the mayhem.  So in my typically brooding manner I saunter into a watering hole to kill a few brain cells while waiting for an old friend to join me.  So its starts sort of like a joke. A woman walks up to a sarcastic prick in a bar and starts a conversation. Now I’m just trying to get a little unwound from the work day before an old queen friend shows up. The friend in question owns porn stores, funded very early live sex porn sites and has been in his alternative lifestyle for nearly 40 years. One of the benefits of being is his friend is he travels in the company of beautiful women.
So my new friend is asking me deep and meaningful questions.  Look she was pretty enough and certainly flirtatious but simply put beyond idle banter I’m not really looking for anything but more vodka and maybe an appetizer or two from the kitchen and head out to some old haunts and raise a little new hell.  A sultry brunette is always a welcome addition but when accompanied with a gaggle of friends probably not the best idea.
Some where I once read avoid bachlorette parties at all costs because it is nothing more than grown women playing silly games while indulging princess fantasies.  I am all about role play but the princess fantasy doesn’t work for me on any level.  This group of attractive women in black Tee”s jeans and heels was no doubt being led my my new friend.   Hot employed women out of town on business and starting what had the potential to be an epic bender.  For me the perfect crowd to fuck with.
So after not getting much of a rise out of me I offer.
“Excuse me miss but you look like you could be trouble.”  I get an indignant huff and answer her guttural response with “Oh what makes me think that? Trust me I know trouble when I see it” Now at this point I’m playing along in a very aloof manner.  Somewhere between hard to get and genuinely disinterested.  Where the fuck is my friend I begin to wonder but the Brunette keeps wanting to get “to know me”.  She tells me her name and I offer mine as well, after all its only common courtesy.  Two more drinks and she asks what I do for a living.  “Oh what do I do? well I’m a whore like everyone else.  In my case a professional goon and a part time pornographer.”  This is the part where women usually run the other way.  Not this one I must have been absolutely enthralling, or the only guy in the bar.  You pick but here’s hint the next man to enter the place comes swishing in with an enthusiastic  “Hey Mal!”   After greetings, another drink or two and my friend taking in the pool of women and the idle banter we made our way out to his over priced sedan. While I loved seeing H the wildest part of the night occurred in the bar, the remainder of the  night was decidedly quiet and uneventful.  Sadly no beautiful women or other part time pornographers were in tow.

So I live in a world filled with women and relationships of varying and complex types.  So while reading a post on fetlife the other day someone asked how others perceive the relationships status of its complicated.  I didn’t answer there because when i thought about it the answer varies.  On Fetlife I list my self as married which in fact I am and have been married to the chesty blonde for quite some time.  Yet on other profiles I list my status as its complicated.   For example the blonde is extremely jealous and very much disapproves of my relationship with and less than discreet passion for German cars.  That alone complicates my primary relationship, add to that the fact I do things to people that would probably violate the Geneva convention if they weren’t consensual.  Hell maybe they still do.  Lets not forget the myriad of old friends and others that I’m still close to.  The fact that once upon a time I slept next to my guitar more often than my wife and that at the very least I’m kind of poly.
I guess the distinction for me is that listing a relationship as married on a site where most people participate in things although not necessarily actual sex with more than one person somewhere along the way is to me considered the norm stating that its complicated isn’t necessary.  On a mains stream site listing it as anything other than its complicated would fail to give the good old vanilla folks appropriate warning.   And there you have my complicated answer to “it’s complicated”

Trash The Dress 7 by ~Katty10 on deviantART
Moving right along last night we head out to dinner and the blonde and lil want sushi and well div and I want something that was not sushi.  They’re in the same general area so we get dropped off at our eatery of choice and then wind up across the way at the local mall entering right near the Tux store where all the groomsmen are picking up their costumes for the weekend’s ritual sacrifice. Diva pulls up a chair near by and starts discussing divorce rates with me.  The ironic part is I’m not one of those stats.  Who would have guessed? Thankfully for me Diva does have her fathers cruel sense of humor. The rest of the world had better watch out.

If I invite you to a party what would you assume?
its kind of funny odds are if you don’t really know me you’d assume that it would be something like Caligula but the fact is 90% of things I go to are pretty damn normal,  granted I have friends who afterward make things interesting and do take the occasional dark alley home but here’s a hint even people like me have a normal life.   Well kind of; if you exclude work.
So next time someone who is kinky, a swinger , or poly invites you some where take a moment to ask.  Even if you are one of the aforementioned types.  Rock Stars should dress like normal people when grocery shopping and just because I ask you to something doesn’t mean I want to fuck you, play with you, or break up your current relationship.  Sometimes even kinky people just want to hang out.

Quote of the week goes to a good friend who told me “I tell my kids you’re old enough now to know that just because you can put something in your mouth doesn’t mean you should. That includes women &  food”  generally speaking very good advice from a father of 3 boys who are now in their 20’s.  Still I think i violate this guidance on a regular basis.
Now on to the fetish friday eye candy portion.