Malflic

Every thing you never thought to ask and Maflicisms. A small tribute to the shit that comes out of his mouth.

For any one who knows him in real life the one thing we all know is that you can never be certain of what’s going to come out of his mouth in any situation. This is a page put together by his closest friends who put up with his bull shit and to poke a bit of fun at him.

Malflic has a caustically sharp wit and speaks with a profanity laden forked tongue, unless he’s angry.

“It’s when he stops making dick jokes and cursing enough to make a sailor blush that people who know him taken get out of the way. If his voice goes from angry to even and calm something very bad is going to happen”. Victoria Christensen

Sure for those of you who are gamblers the odds are in your favor that no matter what he’s says it will include the word fuck.

“The man has the most prolific use of the word Fuck I’ve ever seen. He can use it 4 times in a sentence with out being repetitive. One time it’s a noun, the next a verb, occasionally a pronoun and I’ve even heard him use Fuck as a supposition” an acquaintance Chris F. 2002

If his lips are moving there’s probably a not so thinly veiled sexual reference not too far in the distance even if the situation has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

“I talk exclusively on the speaker phone. If God called I’d still be talking on the speaker phone but if I see it’s Malflic’s number not only do I answer using the hand set but I usually close my office door just to be safe.” Prefers to remain anonymous

How many business majors do you know who were philosophy minors? Odds are none.

Here’s a fun fact he once spent an entire year debating the question in a senior level philosophy class debating the question “ if being a hit man is an innately evil profession what makes a good hit man good”. His view points while at first were un popular and divided the class of several hundred during debates. By the end of the second term he had all but six people backing his arguments and threatened those who weren’t with “philosophical force” – no one still knows what he meant by that.

Add to that his 4 very poorly spoken foreign languages (although the Spanish and Italian are passable except for when he mixes up the verbs”

“One he was told by a customs agent to quit speaking French because it hurt his ears. So he switched to Spanish until the customs agent ask if he spoke English. His retort was ‘Fucking Frogs’!” Ironically they still let him into the country.

Now on to the Malflicisms…word to live by if you have enough balls to use them.

All time classic Malflicism – ones that bridge time and space.

The most popular one “ Stupid People Shouldn’t breath” – Pretty Self explanatory plus he bores easily.

“Seriously are you going to fuck me or what?” Always the swordsman he found the direct approach in most things in life worked best, so why not with sex. Sadly it wasn’t a pick up line but an actual question; one that worked more often than you’d believe.

“ I don’t even half give a shit and I’m still better at it than you” He has never lacked self confidence.

“Yes I know I’m a dick I’m a five foot ten, 200 pound walking erection.” We think he was lying…it is our belief that at that time he might have been a 5’10” - 212 pound walking erection. Our point is he is a much bigger dick than he was taking credit for.

Malflicisms - The College years

He was banned from live radio on his universities station here’s a few samples why.

“what’s wrong with playing a Slayer song? Yes I know it’s a Catholic University’s radio station!”

“ If it were up to me I’d dome the whole damn city seriously how do people live here the place is a dump.”

“ I don’t like wearing rubber either but with all the diseases, and unwanted pregnancies is the Pope putting out a Vatican order calling them immoral really the right thing to do? I think it is morally questionable to even suggest not to using a condom.”

That was the one that finally did it and chances are he would never win a Catholic of the year award since shortly there after he determined he was an Atheist based on a lectured in a Scared scripture class. The explanation. “No seriously I think religion is nothing more than made up bullshit, used to control people. I should know I make up bull shit all the time the only difference is that religion has a better marketing department and tax breaks.”

If only these isolated incidents but there were others like the time on a broad cast TV network during a heated planning meeting he referred to one of the esteemed professors as “Dick” when verbally reprimanded on the spot his retort was “ well that is your name isn’t it DICK!” It was indeed a point of fact although the way he said it made everyone there feel a little dirty, even Richard.

While always a little rebellious most of his jabs were and are of a sexual nature.

“I’m not so sure about that but I she looks good bent over a sofa”

“Ok who’s turn is to feed the monster?”

“Oh you have a boy friend. Yeah well I have a girlfriend so let’s hook those two up. So we can either do each other or just take turns. Now where were we?”

No Soul gets this twisted with out a little help. The question often gets asked when something goes awry with an individual was it Nature or Nurture? In this case it might be generations of irreverence and breeding. That and exposure to his relatives. And in the name of a good time we’ve included a few that he references often from his own family and child hood. Needless to say but none of them are very politically correct.

“Do you know why a man should always walk behind his wife? Because when she’s young beautiful so you can look at her ass and when she’s old and fat she’ll stop the bullet” uttered by his Uncle Vince repeatedly

“If you don’t take it out no ones ever going to suck it” An oral sex reference about being bold by his grand father

“Never play cards for money unless you know what you’re doing or the odds are fixed” A professional gambler in the family

“Here go read these it should keep you busy for a while” A uncle who sent him off to read about 20 years of Playboy around age 12 rather than teaching him to use an arc welder