No kink, very few sex references, and a lot of relationship stuff. It’s a recap and a reprocessing for me because as you know if you read me very often one of my main sports is tearing myself apart to understand what makes me tick. If you’re interested in the mundane inner workings of my emotions (or are in some type of relationship with me) then great please keep reading. If not no worries I’ll get back to writing about actual sex and not feelings or relationships in the next post.
Late last week the Blonde and I went away for a few days, not far really only about 40 minutes from the house but it was like we were in a different world. Frankly one I liked a lot better. As an added bonus we left behind the kids who ending up watching their grand ma (not a shock).
Going in even though it was our 21st wedding anniversary I wasn’t sure what to expect. The Blonde had planned it all and I had absolutely zero details. Being a control freak with trust issues I did my best to just roll with it, I knew she would have it all figured out and it would be fine so no need to press the matter. Her one stated agenda was to get me drunk. Given I don’t drink much anymore it wouldn’t take much. That however that didn’t aid the packing process since I had no clue what I would need. Moving beyond the logistics in the back of my mind was the question of whether or not we could still actually function as a couple like we used to. Hell did we even still like each other without the noise of other demands. It sounds silly to say but honestly I wasn’t sure. I knew we get along, I knew I loved her, but I really hadn’t felt like we were connected beyond day to day operations on any level in quite a while. So I had shut down, with drawn and was just letting things run in a way that worked for everyone else but not me. Doing things for the great good simply sucks.
In a lot of ways though I got to do things this weekend that I have needed or wanted to do for a long time, her goal was to get me to have a few drinks and relax. I suck at relaxing but it worked and I did. Along the way I learned she is happy being married and monogamous…well all righty then let that sink in for a second or two. Ok now moving right along. It led to some interesting and good conversation.
Because I’m OCD calendar boy and frankly am a fucking asshole if I don’t get to eat the topic of lunch came up late Friday morning. One would think that hitting a friend up on twitter for the names of the places you’d talked to her about wouldn’t lead to anything more than a good lunch. It was a great lunch, the drinks were creative, the food top notch, and the crowd well heeled, urban, and artsy… which is a setting I feel at home in. As we parked on a roof top of a parking garage I spotted a crane a block away which led to me taking a picture to send to my friend for a scavenger hunt she was trying to do while we were at Eroticon. This opened the flood gates at lunch and much of the remainder of the day became a conversation about my writing (which she apparently hadn’t even looked at in years), what it takes to be in a scavenger hunt (she showed more interest participating in front of the camera than I’d have ever assumed), plus a show and tell of who I read, who I recently met, and why I like their stuff on and off for the rest of the day. Most of it wasn’t really new ground except that she was engaged and listening in a different way, a good way. In the next breath was a ground breaking statement. For the first time she asked real questions about my “other” friends. Not things out of common courtesy and passing questions like “did you have fun, or how are they doing” but real ones wanting to understand relationships, situations, and in many ways my connection to them. It is something that I’m always trying to share with her so often without success.
The Blonde has never gone to events with me; I ask, she says no, and I determine whether or not I want to go anyhow and plan accordingly. Sometimes it irritates me, things like I cannot learn to do suspension bondage without a partner and more importantly I want her to be that partner. Most often it is a non issue. I know that my needs and interests are different than hers. Sure on some level I want to be able to share them with her and get more than “oh that’s nice” but I really do try to respect that boundary.
Then it came out of nowhere “I’d really like to meet her” from nothing more than a passing comment about be sure to give her a kiss for the lunch recommendation. Those 5 words might not seem ground breaking but they were a first. Of course there were caveats that followed “not at an event or conference, Vanilla expectations, etc.” but she was interested and wanted to get to know this other person I’ve been talking so much about. The Blonde added “We should have drinks; actually she and I can have drinks you can be the designated driver.” It’s a role I do very well and was fine with it.
This was more than I really hoped for, ever actually, a willingness to step into that other part of my world, the one where I really do spend so much of my time and live a huge part of my life. The flood gates opened. We talked about having Alice, LR and maybe even their boys come to town to meet our girls. How I worry about them on a variety of levels, and how great it has been for me to have the relationships I do with each of them and what it’s done for this site which is my labor of love. We talked about how I’ve stopped writing erotica and porn except here and why it’s not really a fit for me and my style (my stories aren’t really very dirty in a main stream kind of way). Sure there were things in there about her and her friends and about the kids but a lot of it was conversation about us for the first time in a while.
In the afternoon we walked though a part of the city filled with lofts, I looked for smaller empty buildings I could buy and convert into a home, she mused on whether it would be better to live in another part of town rather that this section “ I like the Central West End, and Tower Grove better”. We ducked in and out of bars and I had a few more drinks. We talked some more, about upcoming trips back east, about my career direction, about our friends. I even got to discuss rope and kink a little in very plain language. No pressure, judgment, or pretext. Eventually we’d head back to the hotel where I took to our old cruise ship routine of napping a bit before a late dinner and an even later night out.
Now she was in her element, hair done, make up perfect, jeans hugging all the right spots and I was the one in tow. She took me to the places she had talked about so many times, the places she went on her girl’s weekends with other friends, places I had never been and would never have thought to have gone. It was a peek into what she liked, enjoyed, and shared with others much like I had done earlier. Dinner at one place (an Angry Shrimp Po Boy), a stop in the casino (which is no longer non smoking so it was a very short stop), a few hours in a favorite watering hole of hers where we each tried 12 different shot sized cocktails with creative names like Pink Pussy, Lick my Banana, and Bend Her Over. We watched the young waitresses bounce, grinds, dance, and carry on with one and other occasionally sending pictures of drinks to her friends that she had been there with before. I learned things about her I never knew. It was great fun, we connected, and most importantly we still worked as a functioning unit without other distractions to hide behind. I was just happy to be there, in the moment, and to she her enjoying herself without distraction. A few more stops and a few more drinks (26 different ones in the course of the day) it was like I was my old college years self again, out and social and not burdened by the demands of my profession and others for my time.
Eventually we made our way back to the hotel to be alone, these were not moments I wanted to rush or bring to an end. I was both very giving and completely selfish at the same time. The next morning started too early and I left the room to let her sleep a while longer. I hugged my coffee and just sat back and watched the people pass by as I reflected. Worried that once we got back in the car and headed west that in a matter of days if not hours we’d drift back into the same routine as before the weekend began. After lunch this time she napped and I mowed the lawn, did a little work, and got ready for the family to head out for the night.
In the end we decided something we’ve need to for quite a while and that is to move at the end of next year whether a career change forces it or not. We’ve not decided where but a more urban lifestyle surrounded by more things and different types of people is something we both desperately need. Odds are it means out of state. She has family here, I don’t so it’s another concern to address in the future. In the mean time the two of us looked at options to get out more, events we could both enjoy and without the kids, and began planning to have drinks with my friend in the coming weeks.
Is everything perfect? No but it never really is and there are still a lot of things that we need to sort out (aging parents, kids school, kink stuff, more time for us as a couple on a regular basis) but it’s a lot better at least in my head than it was 96 hours ago. Over all I’m in a much happier place. Never let it be said that enough good sex, alcohol, and a few days can’t make the world a better place.