I’ve not written about her before. It is in no way a relationship other than the fact that she and I inhabit the same space for roughly 180 minutes each weekend. Sure we at one point after nearly 18 months rolling around in the same hot dark room had been “formally” introduced and occasionally where after that I would say “hello” and in reply on a good day she’d just sneer at me in disgust. Most days she ignored me completely. On the upside she was very consistent.
Yet she does very much bear the resemblance of another person in my world. And by resemblance I don’t mean similar hair like “Oh she’s a red head”. I mean dead fucking ringer in a lot of ways. Originally from the same part of the world, which explains her speech pattern and accent but add to it the tonal quality of her voice is eerily similar. Once a New Yorker always a New Yorker. Her body very close except the Doppelganger has a bit more “ass” and I mean that in a good way. As in a lifelong dancer’s ass. Lips look like her mirror image, eyes like hers that narrow on me in a similar way (just filled with substantially more disdain). And there is about where it all ended. Just some woman I annoy who looks way too fucking much like one I adore but also annoy the hell out of. Shit happens right.
A few weekends ago after being absent more than not for the previous 6 weeks she set up next to me, smiled and whispered “hello Michael”. First I had to check that I was awake and alive because hell for me may be having her next to me for fucking EVER. just of r safety’s sake it was also quickly determined I was not stoned out of my mind on some type of karma enhancing drug. Cautiously I smiled back and returned the greeting. It did not appear to be a trap, I am not in hell and last I checked I am not stoned unless someone put something in my Frankenberry. She smiled and we went on as usual from there…completely ignoring each other.
The woman that would barely snarl at me until now one week later after that hello kneeled down (I was seated on the floor working on my massively… tight… traps) she made eye contact then gave me a little hug and a kiss on the cheek. As a reminder unless I am very comfortable with someone I am not a hugger. And yet I simply smiled and said thank you. I was a bit off kilter but tried to be gracious about it.
After the second hello and first hug a few hours later she was talking to me, or at me, or whatever. As is often the case I was still confused as all fuck. In an attempt at being honest with my newly less contempt filled acquaintance I stated “I thought you hated me.” She laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. “Your friends are assholes.” Now I was the one laughing, my friends are assholes, sophomoric, an absolute howl, but they are also harmless. Just having a good time and not hurting anyone in doing so as they bust each other’s balls endlessly. She would go on to talk about pretty much nothing of substance. And we would depart.
The week after the hug and kiss on the cheek I was; which is not surprising, still completely fucking lost. So in the most delicate way I could asked about her change of heart in terms of me. “X recently told me what you said the day after I learned your name.” Now there are two things about me.
1) I say a lot of stuff!
2) When I say them it’s the truth and intention, or so totally outrageous even a small child would know it wasn’t real.
So I had to think what had been said and as the light clearly failed to go on instantly she added “That I was beautiful and reminded you of an old friend.” I may have actually blushed, and that was pretty damn close to what I said lacking only the part about her voice and smile as I recalled my actual words.
She apparently also came to learn that her perception of “my thing” with other women from there amounted to nothing more breakfast a few times, and then royally frustrating the other one who she was absolutely certain I was fucking, until she heard from that person’s own mouth I was “impossible” and “self Absorbed”. High praise really. Which ironically the Doppelganger found amusing after learning I mostly annoyed the other woman. Some type of (female) rivalry I suppose.
You know the old sinner and the saint, good girl vs bad girl thing; perhaps a topic for another time. I’d learn that “she had been watching me”, which can be a bad thing really, I am an evil fucker. Instead of seeing the inner demon the Doppelganger realized that the majority of the time I’m not even actually looking at anyone in class and I am completely in my own world.
To which I countered “I may be looking but if they are more than 5 feet away everything is a blur without my glasses.” She informed me “No you’re not, you actually close your eyes most of the time. Even when you’re not supposed to. That’s why you fall down so much.”
Note to self my friends are assholes, beautiful women are stunned when a man tells another woman they are beautiful, and I fall out of poses because I am not supposed to have my eyes closed.
Note this post is the eigth part of “The Last Incantations“