Mal Gets Jealous
It is funny i really do pride myself on not being possessive of friends or individuals i am involved with. Yet i am not perfect.
In fact i go out of my way to try to understand and be considerate of what the others my partners are involved with feel, and think.
It truly is important to me that Raven is fine with my relationship with Alice. And i do keep boundaries there that even though has been articulated that they are “only mine” . I keep them in place in part to protect my friendship with both of them.
With the Temptress i adore that her other partner truly loves and cares for her in some of the most amazing ways. And deep down know that i am a concession he would rather not make, yet am grateful that he does because he loves her and wants her to be happy.
And certainly there have been others over the years. Some have worked well, others not so much.
Yet there i was with my Irish friend. We spend a lot of time together, we are very close, and yes she is attractive but it is merely a friendship nothing more. We don’t even flirt a little. I do disappear into the night with her, fairly often but she heads off to call home and FaceTime with her children and spouse. And i hide from the world for a few moments before slipping into the void. We know each other’s coffee order but otherwise nothing hot or dark is involved.
There we are in one of those endless hallways in Las Vegas. Another acquaintance who now is elsewhere comes up, hugs her and gives her a lingering kiss on the cheek. It is what he does with a lot of women. This movie is not new.
I could tell she tolerated it because it really was harmless but she was visibly uncomfortable. And something about her reaction and his overt familiarity struck me. Then it hit me for some reason, that even now i can’t define i was in fact truly jealous.
Jealousy is an odd emotion, and for me rare and unfamiliar. I had seen her hug and kiss dozens of men in what is a familiar cordial greeting in the two days prior. Never a second thought about it. Yet i was not happy about this one encounter. So much so i asked another friend about it the next morning…over coffee or course “Did you see x with the Irish One last night?”
“I thought you were going to punch him, and maybe not stop” he said. I was stunned and he clarified. “man you looked so pissed, x and y were talking about it ALL last night”
Now i am a dark horse, almost impossible to read. So much so i often make sure to verbalize my true thoughts, feelings or intent when dealing with those i am close to. Just to be sure.
I admitted to feeling jealous. He looked at me. “Jealous; you were jealous? That’s not it. You didn’t care until her expression changed.”
Despite others telling me i was really just reacting to her discomfort which in part may be true i was also jealous. Though had no idea why and no right to be.
Later i would discuss it with the Blonde who informed me that i don’t like to share the Irish one outside of hers and my very closest circles. “She orders your damn meals when you go out. You split dishes like a “real” couple, and brag about sneaking away from parties with her at first chance you get like a horny teenager. Everyone probably thinks you’re fucking. (Note it is now the blonde who seemed very jealous). Except she is calling home and you are happily alone in the dark”
So there you have it how to make me jealous. Kiss someone i am not dating.
This post is 4th part of my Last Incantations.