Are You Hitting on My Mom

Malflic lounging by the pool

Are you hitting on my mom


It’s 106 Fahrenheit out, not a cloud in the sky. A DJ is cranking an eclectic mix of high energy party songs the pool is a throbbing body of flesh, the deck is swarming with every age, flavor and combination of person i can imagine.  From a 20 something in the sexiest swim suit i have ever seen (it was a one piece) to a woman who is had to guess was damn near 70 and more fit than most of the under 30’s. There were surfer boys, bodybuilders, old latins in speedos, and then there was me.


Black short trunks, tanned thighs, sleeveless hard rock T, dark dark shades and a stupid field hat that looks like it’s been through hell…which it has.  


I catch her looking my direction. She appears to be about my age, larger than average breasts, great cleavage in her swim top, i smiled. Drank in her shape in its entirety and she smiled back.  There was no doubt she had caught my eye, i had checked her out and then simply went back to watching the madness before me.


A little while later noticed her glancing in my direction again.  When she new i was looking the hair came down, long dark curly locks.  She kept looking my way as the toyed with it. Ok now even i knew she was flirting.   I probably grinned my devil’s grin, eyes behind glasses so dark they matched my soul.

My intent though really was little more than voyeur. A few moments later after a little pose and shift routine her hair went back up, sun hat went back on. I thought to myself “well that was nice” my timer buzzed and i’d flip over to keep the tan even.  30 minutes later my sweat soaked skin would head toward the pool to cool off.


My hair twirling new friend would just happen to float by. Hmmm how’s that for ironic timing and coincidence.  A conversation would start. Harmless, nothing chatter between two people who know fuck all about each other.


So some basic facts, i suck at general small talk. Unless it’s about music, books, theater, business, monetary and in some cases sports. Sports being the weakest.


And i’m fairly certain conversations about economic conditions and currency strengths/weaknesses under the Trump presidency and its uncertainty is not really good fodder for talking in a pool where the drinks are flowing and the vibe is controlled excess.  Unless of course you’ve just met Alan Greenspan…which was not the case.

It was the when did you get here, what have you done and what else is planned kind of chit chat. Neither of us gamble, she was divorced, had adult and college aged kids.  Etc.  

I of course simply said was married, spending the weekend with a daughter and seeing shows.


None of it was lurid, or even overtly forward. It was nothing really with a few occasional flirty type gestures or body language.  A little while later up comes a mountain of a young man, projecting the uber possessive vibe from 10 feet away.


“Dude “ i am sizing him up as he spoke.  No doubt he was fucked off at me. Good for her , nice cougar move to land this muttering statue of a young man i thought.


“Are you hitting on my mom”. Wait he said mom. How sweet really rushing in to protect her ….ummm …virtue,


Now in my life there have been angry husbands, possessive boyfriends, even nut job stalker types. They are the most fun! The others i generally have compassion for. But never an adult child who instantly hated me.


Before i could speak. Because honestly i was decided how much to fuck with him in those few moments “mom” jumped in. “mind your own business.” she would go on to inform him that she started the conversation,  make fun of him for just waking up from a nap, and then let him know i happened to have a very cute 23 year old daughter who because of his behavior i probably wouldn’t want to introduce him to.  


It didn’t seem like he wanted to kill me any less despite those things. Eventually he floated away probably to plan my murder  (get in line kiddo, i am not mr popular in many circles).

Mom and I continued to chat for a bit and then on and off the remainder of the afternoon. After all it was nothing more than some flirting and conversation in the summer sun.


About Malflic

Minor Demon, life long hedonist, sadist and general nerd. Women are my weakness and greatest addiction of choice followed by torrid love affair with coffee and caffeine. When not committing sins of the flesh I'm an unrepentant capitalist, avid reader, Star Wars, and B rate comedy movie geek.