Being a Primary Kink Partner
Being in my own way the Sexy Little Temptress‘ primary kink partner admittedly it has been a strange place for me to be. Not in a bad way but it is for me a very differnt role. being a peraon (other than the Blonde) primary…well anything.
First off as a reminder I am not normally about possession (in this case luxury cars, wing tips, and suits don’t count), add to that I am very much use to being the “other man” in all of my kink relationships in the past decade or so.
You know the other man. The one that whether whispered about or openly celebrated but none the less the one who gets to rough her up and send her back home red, bruised, tired, horny, floaty, or sore to a regular and loving partner after a good night kiss and one more smack on the ass. Jist like a Nickelback song. Admittedly that really has been good for me although as posts show at times it is also very frustrating and lonely arrangement.
Now though I find myself being that partner who is in a sense the guy whose waiting. It’s Ok, I like the idea, have no problem in sharing but do find I have a need I usually don’t, to stay connected, to be part of her kink (and everyday world) even when I’m not around.
Because of this I have found myself thinking a lot about a friend who over a few years shared their partner with me without hesitation anytime she chose to see me. (This is not a reference to Raven and Alice- though that too could apply as well).
I would pick up or arrange to meet the Siren now and again and we’d go do whatever. He took pride in sharing her with me and there never a hint of jealousy. As point of clarity she chosr to see me of her own free will. He simply suppoted her choice.
While i always appreciated his openness and friendship not once did i ever expect to be in his position with someone a few years later.
But despite that in my own way here I am. And even though i have begun to think of the Temptress as “mine” in ways it has proved the point that at least in this case the change in roles tobthebome doing the sharing also allows me to walk the proverbial walk.
That my sense of possession isn’t there in anyway to restrict her other relationships. God that is so not me. Jealous…nope! Cheerleader…Fucking Right. I want her to have what she wants, to be happy.
So instead of jealous, controlling or possesive. I’m more of a co conspirator as she allows me to share in her adventures as she let’s me know she’s going to X or planning to do Y. It’s not an exhaustive list but it works and is just enough.
Along the way that openness will make sure I understand her better, and the extent of my desire to influence what she wants is solely to make sure that she is making safe mindful choices in what she chooses to do and that she values herself.
Could she meet someone who takes my place? Sure. If it happens, it happens. It’s not that she’s not important to me, it’s not that i wouldn’t miss her. Life is short and i’m choosing to celebrate what we have for as ever long as it lasts.
A few final notes.
There is nothing wrong with jealousy. it is a normal reaction. i am not above being jealous and there may come a point when it happens. It’s simply not the case now or a usual thing for me in most cases. excluding suits, shoes and cars or course as a younger man I was a very jealous person in relationahips. itbis something i worked very hard on over the years.
I eschew typical bdsm titles and the concept of “ownership”, i use to say not even my dog wears a collar. Since a giant rescue pit bull lives at my house that is no longer true. he has lots of collars and even a few harnesses. that said no one in kink terms does.
In proofing this piece i realized there was recently an ocxasion where rather thanbgoing to an event with the Temptress I chose to skip and keep her to myself. sometimes i may not share so well and not realize it.