Places and People
This is one of those. In many ways deeply personal and probably only really relevant to the few its words touches.
Relationships are infinitely complex things. And no matter how free and open if there is any lingering intentions or planned future beyond miss last night on whatever level people begin to have a need to understand their place.
For years i have referred to the Blonde as my primary partner. After all we share a home, have a family, pool finances, are legally married and on the rare occasion that the need occurs appear at extended family functions together. That does not mean others are not important. Perhaps that very term really needs rethought on my part. The Sexy Little Temptress and I are trying to find where we truly fit in each others lives. At first i thought of calling this entire post “UnBalanced -a guide to mismanaging multiple relationships” after all i am very damn proficient at exactly that. In fact i can trash a perfectly wonderful thing faster than Led Zeppelin could destroy a hotel floor in their prime.
The Blonde and I are “working” on our relationship. Part of the challenge really comes not only with figuring out how to best incorporate others perhaps in a way we’ve not done before into but much of it is how should we actually incorporate ourselves back into our relationship. She by the way disputes this view point. It’s all fine, it’s working and she is fully committed. Etc. So basically good old Mal is the unhappy asshole.
The reality is I am never there (home). As has been said before It is a life I chose and continue to pursue aggressively. With that comes the things i have written about over the years; money, fancy clothes, hotel suites, beautiful women, and cars. I have continued to advance and am at point where the demands are all consuming. Add to that having been recently have been asked things like “will your wife or your friend be attending with you.”
At another upcoming event next year i need a companion both for social and professional reasons. The Blonde is unavailable due to an unavoidable conflict and a list of possible options was discussed.
Some answers during the conversation were “her husband would shoot me”, “My mother wouldn’t come without Dad”, and some of hers were “how are you going to explain spending a week with a woman who is not your wife on the continent afterwards” for the record “it’s cool they’re mostly European” was apparently not a reasonable answer and deemed to be to open of an admission for the audience.
After some debate and schedule wrangling Diva our oldest will be my plus one. You see it’s complicated and not one of these complications has a damn thing to do with sex, kink, or an alternative lifestyle (assuming you do not consider my profession it’s own fucked up lifestyle). It really has more to do with companionship and social need as it does sex.
My reputation is that I am a man who always seems to have a woman’s company. It is accurate but most times it’s really harmless, a little flirtation, attraction, and some conversation but nothing more; except of course when its not. Though i’m a hall of fame teflon type.
Which raises – A Question of My Role
I am a friend and lover. In some ways we have experimented with a power exchange dynamic (stay tuned as this gets its own post in a few more weeks). And at times have reacted in a very D/s manner even outside of an active scene. In my defense she was being flirty/feisty and trying to push my buttons. And well sometimes despite social conventions Tops will be Tops even if only in body position and a few seemingly innocuous words.
But just like others who want to know and feel secure of their place in my world I have the same need in my own way. It takes a lot for me to be unguarded. Yet i am considering what i can truly do to make more time for the Sexy Little Temptress.
What does our relationship become and can I be there often enough to make a relationship beyond being a friend and cheerleader work in the way she needs? Let alone one with power exchange dynamic? And does she even want to have that with me?
Is she my primary kink relationship (actually she already is) and in turn in a unique way i’m hers. The term in and of itself seems too limiting. It doesn’t capture the powerful connection we share far beyond chips, dips, chains and whips. Sure it may include candle wax on her nipples (for you Kiddo’s out there it’s a Weird Science movie reference) and elsewhere.
How and when does she get incorporated into my life in a bigger way? Is she something the Blonde is willing to truly accept and not just acknowledge? People and places is an increasingly complex situation.
So as the relationship status reads “It’s Complicated”