The Aftermath 15

Hindsight is always 20/20 and this is no exception. So many things should have been done differently yet where to begin with this tale?

Best place is to make it very clear this is not about placing blame! This is about putting things out there so others can learn from our own missteps. Being poly is not always easy or simple. Also, what works for one relationship will not necessarily work for another. That being said, the events of The Weekend (see Lord Raven’s post) have actually been an overall positive (even though it might not seem so at first here) experience.

As I said, Hindsight is 20/20, and the first misstep was in the planning for the weekend to begin with. I personally had little contact with N and had no issue with that as it had been presented to me as a weekend to teach her more about BD/SM such as spanking and edge play. I had in my little mind an expectation of meeting her, seeing how we clicked, and going over what exactly she knew and wanted to learn more about.

Another poor planning aspect for the weekend was the choice in weekend to begin with. I am an RN and work weekend shifts. I do however self schedule so with enough advance notice I can plan to be off for certain days. I wrongly said OK to N coming in on a weekend I was working the Friday she was coming in and that Saturday. The Friday would be fine as I was home shortly after she arrived. The Saturday turned out to be a huge issue, well at least for me.

I also realize women just speak differently than men. I made mention prior to N’s arrival about no sex without wearing a condom. This to me was more of a planning issue in case we all clicked as a hard rule with Lord Raven and I has always been if we have sex with anyone else we MUST use a condom. I did not know this was taken as giving permission. Because of this the sex that Friday night came as a shock to me. Yes I knew about it as it was happening, not because I was a part of it. Only because I woke up to hear them behind a closed door. I did not interrupt out of respect, thus me being at work for a 12 hour shift on Saturday became an issue for me.

While I worked they played, talked, and had more sex. I got some limited texts regarding what they were doing creating some other issues. Again hindsight is 20/20, we never truly discussed if certain toys should be off limits or not. I am taking this as a case of women place more emotional attachments on certain things than men. I freely admit I flipped a lid about one item in particular, OK maybe more than one. Thankfully after a great deal of discussion it was understood by all why.

The major thing we learned from all of this is to communicate better, not only with each other but with any potential play partner. There were many mixed signals and misconceptions by all parties involved and perhaps if we had communicated better from the start when planning the weekend we could have avoided any and all missteps.

About Alice King

Alice has been often called an enigma. With life ever changing and evolving so have her creative outlets. She lives in the Atlanta area and is considered a “damn Yankee” having been born and raised in the north east. She is an RN by trade, a Mother of 2 and the wife of Lord Raven. This tattooed Princess is the site’s very own Alpha Sub often wields brazen dares toward her Tops yet leans toward switch on occasion.

15 thoughts on “The Aftermath

  • Miss Lily

    I love to hear the honesty about the hard parts of a poly relationship. I think the biggest misconception is that there is no jealousy, but really jealousy is natural and communucation makes poly possible.

    • Alice King Post author

      Each relationship has it’s own issues. To learn how to deal with them and grow is the true issue. Communication is key here, without honesty and trust we would have nothing.

      As for jealousy, honestly I am sorry if it seems there is any in this piece. This was the first time we were meeting N and as I said expectations for me were far different than the reality. Not meaning I was jealous, just I would not have agreed to things if they had been presented that way on a weekend I was working for a first meet.

  • dave smith

    You must be really disappointed to miss the moment to meet the prospective member – especially whenthey’re doing it in the next room. I hope things will work out for you.

    • Alice King Post author

      I did get to meet N briefly before I went to bed, however yes was very disappointed that I missed that moment yet was just in the next room.

      Lord Raven and I have worked things out between us, sadly things have not worked out so well between us and N. We are taking this as a learning experience and moving forward. I also hope that she is as well

  • Stella

    If everything went well you would never have had the deeper discussions and learned what you truly have issue with. It would be great if everything ran smoothly went well from the start, but it’s the missteps that are the far better learning tools.

    I’ll be sure to visit on a weekend you are free. 😉


    • Alice King Post author

      *runs and gives you hug*

      I adore you girl!!!!! You are so right! Thankfully Lord Raven and I have a good base in our relationship that we can learn from our missteps.

      You know you are always welcome to visit. Oh and give me 2 months notice and I can plan ahead. *hint hint*

  • sub-Bee

    This resonated so much with me. A few years back we tried to open up individually.

    Let’s just say we made several mistakes and haven’t tried it again since. Part of me wants to try again the other part is still hurting from the experience and can’t face it.

    • Alice King Post author

      I can more than understand that. It took a lot of discussions and open communication to work through what happened that weekend. Thankfully this was not our first time with a third person however was our first time with any major issues.

      For us, I know when the right person comes along we will try once again. That time we will however make sure all three of us talk ahead of time and all expectations are clear. For me an initial meet and greet is very important especially when meeting online. Hell clicking via the internet does not equal clicking in person

Comments are closed.