A lesson in humility 9

Whoever said humility was a good thing, please come here, I would like to kick your ass. That being said a recent event really took me back and made me rethink and second guess myself.


It goes like this: A company (that will remain nameless) that does adult films contacted me. We chatted back and forth as I expressed an interest in their particular genera that many of their films are based around. It was great and I was getting excited, submitting my version of scene I would be interested in. Now I had their interest as they asked for full body shots and a shot specifically of my cock. I was all too willing to share (as many of my readers know I am rather shy about how I look…ok stop laughing.) A day later my excitement turned into one of the greatest let downs and humiliating moments on my adult career. The following is a paraphrase of the letter I received.

“There are some concerns about the size of your cock.” Ok breathe man I know they are scared the poor girl will go screaming when she sees it in fear of being invaded with such a monster. Yeah I wish. “Though it is proportioned well to your body it is not overly impressive with your size. You look of is defiantly what we are looking for with you tattoos and all but your dick seems rather small.” What the fuck? I didn’t know I would be working with a size queen?

I don’t think my ego ever deflated so fast in my life. I mean it knocked down the trees across the street it was so harsh a release. I took a deep breath and thought it through then read the rest of the letter.

“If you would be able to lose 15-20 lbs we would be very much interested in having you work with one of our films.” It went on as they suggested crossfit and other workout ideas. It wasn’t till I spoke with Malflic today that all the pieces came together. It is not that my favorite member of my body is diminutive it is that they are looking for the extreme look. Either a 9” dick to impale the screaming victim on or some thin guy who makes a cock like mine look even bigger.

The truth is unless your into the amateur porn look then most of the films are based on extreme looks. The massive swinging dick dangling from rock hard bodies, and perfectly shaped peach vaginas with inflated or at least large tits, fills the endless list. Don’t get me wrong, I can admire the petite lass deep throating a long slong, or a man of steel body banging a bouncing set of breast but let’s get real. Unless you’re one of the chosen few in life genetics will be against you. Gravity is a mother fucker and genetics often are stacked in a different direction.

The truth is I have lost between 40 -60 pounds of weight, been exercising like a possessed person and think I look better than I did a year ago or even 6 months ago for that matter. I’m in the best shape I have been in since I was probably 30. Then again I hear those words and it really kind of hurt my feelings. Do I want to fix that, yes. Should I care, no. But there is something inside me, I think it’s my over inflated ego, that will drive me till I reach the goal of at least being able to do a film or two. I want to hear the other person I would be banging try and say I got a small cock when doing a scene.

Wicked Wednesday

About Lord Raven

Lord Raven is a master at blending both the erotic and the macabre. He is a life Style Dominant who came into things in this way of living in the “traditional” manner and has been involved in BDSM for more than 20 years. He is a highly social creature by nature and his hobbies include paddle making, knife play, general deviance, gratuitous flirtation, and of course rough sex.

9 thoughts on “A lesson in humility

  • Cammies on the Floor

    Wow, I can see how this would be deflating, and I would take it quite personally. It sounds, however, as though you’ve put it in the right perspective, and realize how unrealistic they want you to be.
    I love posts that aren’t all glorious moments, it’s moments like this that make me connect more, and feel more more accepting of myself. Thank you.

    • Lord Raven Post author

      My pleasure in sharing this moment Cammies. Yes I must say like you I rather enjoy when things are presented with the real ups and downs that are real life. More or less I still have that drive to make it but I know it will be a year or so before I am in the shape they want.

  • Malflic

    Being completely honesty I laughed when you first told me. I thought you were joking. Literally the next thing I was going to subways “well you’ve got the cock for it.” Had you told me they wanted you to bulk up your delts to match your chest I might have taken you seriously.

    • Lord Raven Post author

      That is funny. I was still in shock when I told you. I am far from shy about my body, even more proud of it now but then they burst my bubble. It was more my belly which has been a source of frustration but is coming back to where I want it. Genetically speaking I look awesome for a member of my bio family, just not exceptional for the world standards. I am ok with it now, it has giving me a new energy to add to the workouts.
      All that being said I might have to look at armature for a while to boost my ego. It makes me wonder though, why do the producers feel a need to make things larger than life for something we would watch anyway? Not everyone is John Holms and Ron Jeremy proves you don’t have to be ultra fit or packing a monster in the industry.

  • Marie Rebelle

    It’s because of images of the ‘perfect man’ or the ‘perfect woman’ that there are so many people out there that feel totally insecure when they look at their own bodies. It’s terrible that you receive such a letter. I could hardly believe what they wrote, and here I mean the part where they tell you to lose weight. Even though it gives you a boost for your workouts, I hope you will not go to the extremes they are expecting of you.

    Thanks for sharing something this personal!

    Rebel xox

  • Molly

    This actually made me feel sad. I don’t think there is anything remotely wrong with your body AT ALL… I think these people are morons for continuing the now boring and old idea that there is some kind of body perfect out there when there isn’t. For me the ripped 6 pack look and large cock leaves me totally COLD and I never watch porn that features those kind of men, or the female equivalent for that matter.

    I hope you take some time to think about this and realise that what they want is nonsense and that you shouldn’t let this stupid people warp how you view about your beautiful male body


  • mcpervy

    I’ve been reading some of your other posts, but for some reason I haven’t been able to leave comments anywhere but here. I would totally be into watching you in a porn when you make it.
    I really dug your post on cock size. Every guy should love his dick and it’s sad when he is embarrassed about it. That being said anytime I’ve been with a guy who is n monster hung I find that instead of enjoying it ( OK I still enjoy it) I’m preoccupied with how big it is and start wishing I was bigger.. Even though I’m usually more than happy with everything about it.

    • Malflic


      Sorry about you not being able to comment on other posts. if they are older ones it’s because we stop the ability to comment after they’re sixty days old. We we getting killed with spam a while back and it became an unfortunate part of the solution. if they were newer than that please drop me a line and I’ll be sure to get it fixed.


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