I realized after writing this that it offers a more intimate look at my relationship with the Blonde than I typically share. Well that and for kink of the week this time around I’m not very kinky. Consider yourself warned.
With a crazy and also very exciting week ahead of me (in just a few days I’ll be at Eroticon USA) I’ve decided to take on Kink of the Week early this time around and the topic is Tickling in case the title didn’t give it away. Now if you looked on any fetish list I’ve ever filled out I don’t think ticking has shown up. Hell it’s not something I’d ever even written about.
However if I push aside the cheesy 80’s porno scenario of having someone tied to an office chair and another person or group of people wielding a feather duster and look at it as not a fetish like so many other things are in my world but instead focus on tickling as mere a part of non kink play it takes on a much bigger role.
I recall reading somewhere that being ticklish changes with age, that is was believed to be something experienced by a young woman when a touch may become inappropriate during a courtship. No wonder that America’s sexuality is fucked up. Really who comes up with this shit?
And certainly while not all tickling is sexual my experience is that at least in my case it served a purpose while in youthful relationships of being both teasing and in a way a physical outlet when more overtly sexual activities were not an option. However even later on in a more direct and open way.
The first toys the Chesty Blonde ever bought for herself at a Porn shop were a series of long and exotically colored feathers. You’ve seen them; the long ostrich looking ones in purple or blue, whimsical bright greens, hues of red and burgundy that look almost weightless as their falls dangle and all the other types sold around the web. There were two lessons there 1) I needed to be more specific if I gave her the instruction that she had to buy herself X number of toys before being allowed to leave. I expected her to come out with the teeth chattering giant hung like a horse vibrator from hell. Because that’s what I thought she’d want. Not because she ever indicated that but because I’m a dumb man. 2) I should probably ignore number one because her selections taught me more about what she wanted physically and emotionally than anything I wanted her to buy.
If you asked her (and I have) if she likes to be tickled she would emphatically tell you no. With reasons ranging from “I simply hate it”, to “my brother ruined it for the rest of us because he was merciless” when they were young, to “I just don’t”. Then why the hell did she buy those exotic feathers all those years ago and so many more in the years since? Does she tickle me? No on that one. I’m not ticklish and never have been. Maybe that should be a follow up post “why I can’t relax Version 817”.
The truth of the answer lies in that area in between her words and actions. What she means when she said that she doesn’t to be tickled as I’ve learned over the years is she does not like it to be in a way that makes her squirm and ball up, laugh uncontrollably, or lose her breath. No need for a safe word the panic attack or anger makes it pretty clear. So no torture scenes though a few times over the years after she’s had particularly intense series of orgasms everything tickles and I may have pushed that boundary a little bit. Look I respect boundaries but when the cards are on the table I’m still that jerk off 12 year old boy deep down and can’t resist pushing those buttons just a little from time to time. Maybe it’s rooted in the innocent flirtation of youth, maybe it’s because I’m a complete dick, or because sometime it’s ok to push just a little. Say “Stop It” and fight back and wrestle enough and eventually I’ll quit and leave you alone; after I’ve had my fill. Safeword and I’m done, even when simply being playful there is line that cannot be crossed.
So where do the feathers come in? After all in every picture I’ve taken of the toy drawers by my bed the ropes and paddles are mine. She claims the vibes are my toys and “I just use them on her for my own amusement”. Yep she’s a funny one. But the feathers she calls hers and they are usually in frame and never that far out of it in toy drawer pictures.
You see they are sensation play. Sure the sensations are different than the impact play I tend toward, or the S&M torture scenes described by Jade in her overview of the topic. There is no Ds dynamic or even inclination. Early my marriage to the Blonde it became a way for her to be naked with me for extended periods of time, without overt sexual contact or tension. Something that allowed her to relax and connect as the feathers were slowly tracing the length of her legs, across her back, face, breasts, and elsewhere and yes occasionally I’d flip it around around and whack her on the butt a few times with the handle. And she’s protest mockingly at the pathetic makeshift cane “hurting”, so of course I’d swat her again. All the while it was light hearted and was very much part of our routine, a regular activity and not only something she enjoyed but something that really turned her on. It was sensual and slow, she knew she had my undivided attention which is often hard to come by, occasionally just silence filled the air. Other times we talked about things going on in our lives or silly things that didn’t matter at all. In the end it simply slowed us down and would give us quality time together. Unlike other activities it didn’t lead to wild and hungry sex but something soft, gentle, and slow.
As so often I like to say “it’s not my kink” and this would be one of those. Yet it’s something I did when asked, and offered to do of my own accord for years. What was in it for me? Well her naked for starters, usually pretty amazing sex a little later, and most important of all she truly enjoyed it and had no problem with asking for me to get the feathers out. Not everyone is comfortable in their own skin, in their own sexuality, or with their own bodies. It gave her a way to be more of all of those things and that is what really worked for me because I enjoyed seeing her enjoy it.