Negotiating not a Scene but a Life 2


Look at almost any major BDSM con schedule and there is somewhere on the agenda a break out based on negotiating a scene in one form or another.   That’s all well and good but I need a bit more help than that.  I need a weekend intensive or perhaps a semester long graduate level course on actually negotiating to have a productive non work life.

My world; both personal and professional is ruled by my calendar.   Like it or not there seems to be no escape.   I put everything in it.  Flying to somewhere?  Flight numbers and times are on there so my world can figure out when and where to find me and approximately what times I’ll be available on in flight WiFi.   Calls, meetings, work related events all are there front and center for anyone to see (not always the details but the open times).   Unlike a lot of people I keep my personal schedule the same way on the same calendar.  Lovingly listing out leg and back day at the gym, my running group meeting place, distance and time, when I’m biking and where and with who, School events, Family parties, etc.

  From there it does get a little James Bondish with codes – A single name or abbreviation (AK & LR, VC, you get the idea), it blocks the time but offers no real details,  I carry those in my head for obvious reasons.  I had an EA it drove nuts not knowing, I could have written not available 8-10 pm Wed “fucking my wife” and that would have been fine but a listing that said Dinner with X or a time blocked with just two initials drove her completely mad.  She felt entitled to know.  Being the prick that I am I started putting in codes for things that didn’t matter just to keep her on her toes and from time to time would make up insane shit just to see if she’s ask about it.  My current keeper cares far less as long as I’m not bothering her.

My personal life is another matter.  The Blonde lives off of her calendar as well. Like so many things in our life together the calendars are not integrated.   She occasionally keeps track of me using a paper calendar showing roughly what cities I’m in over a period of days but other than my departure and return they are all just meaningless details to her.   Her entries look more like pick so and so up at school, meet XYZ for lunch, girls night, this Dr for this kid, that Dr for that kid, etc.  She also functions as the unofficial travel agent for her side of the family.

Here in the problem lies.  I began in the middle of June negotiating with her to come to Eroticon USA with me in Atlanta.   I sold it as a chance for me to go to a con, her to Meet LR & Alice along with a few other folks but not be involved directly in a kink event.   Not being a writer she’d just hang out while I was at whatever and we’d reconnect later making it into time for mostly us with an occasional dose of my friends.   She agreed, I all but fell over but being ever the skeptic didn’t get my hopes up too high.  The plan was she’d arrange for her Mom to spend 4 days with Lil.  I broke the news to our little demon who was not at all happy about the arrangement until she learned it was ok to have a friend or two over the entire time we were gone.  

 The plan was we’d make it our couple’s trip for the fall, our anniversary was just a week or so later.  Never mind we missed taking even one night away of that theme this past winter, spring, or summer for as many reasons as you can possibly imagine (unexpected kids at home, Parents coming to town, No snow, too much snow, the devil ass fucking the pope on PPV, she couldn’t fucking stand me, etc).

Look I get it. We lead separate lives.  It’s ok, it’s just how things are and most of the time it works fine and has for quite a while.  She might contend the point that we have separate lives stating that we share our lives but have very different interests.   That said neither of us are the clingy type and only on occasion is one of us the jealous type (hint usually not me).   I’ve lamented for years wanting to go to more things, and in part to have the Blonde there with me at some of them.   Enter last week a Jury duty notice, not for me but for her.  Even worse it would require her to go away if chosen.  

So let’s review. Years of NO’s, and “You go without me, take who ever I don’t care”, followed by one minor and disappointing outing this past year because it was “too tame” & “not what she expected”.  Followed by the fucking state now potentially screwing up the first “yes”  I’ve ever gotten to attending something that didn’t involve a beach.  The blonde would go to “Leather Week in the 7th Circle of Hell” if it was at a good beach, with an open bar, and she could work on her tan as she laid by the water.  I can hear her now “You have fun with the devils and demons and don’t be to mean when torturing the newly damned souls.   I’ll meet you by the pool when you’re done and have taken off that ridiculous get up” however I digress.

So now it’s all up in the air.   We’ll decided on buying a cancelable ticket for her in the next week or so but won’t know if she can go with me until 2 days before we’d leave.  Makes planning hard.  After the events will I be slipping away for some much needed time with her or will I be looking to be the life or host of an after party for old and new friends.  Sure I’m adaptable, it’s the very nature of my existence but in this one case it’s frustrating. 

So forget figuring out a scene I need to figure out how to manage what I’d like on a much grander scale. 


About Malflic

Minor Demon, life long hedonist, sadist and general nerd. Women are my weakness and greatest addiction of choice followed by torrid love affair with coffee and caffeine. When not committing sins of the flesh I’m an unrepentant capitalist, avid reader, Star Wars, and B rate comedy movie geek.


2 thoughts on “Negotiating not a Scene but a Life

  • Lord Raven

    sigh…brother some day it seems there are no breaks for us wicked folks. I do hope it works out because I would like to meet her finally. Just remember one step at a time, only because we cant make the days ahead come any faster and should treasure the time we have now

    • Big-DaddyM Post author

      It is one of those things I’m just going with the level of the ocean on.

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