“Are you crying? Are you crying? There’s no Crying in baseball!” is perhaps the most memorable line in the old Tom Hanks movie “A League of their Own” Of course there is crying in S&M. For some people its part of the release, the dynamic, a specific moment, scene, or what have you.
Let’s face it those of us that partake in rough sex, rough play, bdsm, lmnop (just seeing if you’re paying attention) and some other less socially acceptable darker things don’t go around bragging about how happy we all look. Most people inside and outside the kinky world probably have an image in their heads of what a scene looks like based on experience, their imagination, and of course TV, Movies and Internet porn. Typically its dark, rough, maybe a little scary, there are all sorts of wicked things and more than a little sense of dreaded anticipation, fear, and who knows what else. That’s right we’re fucking mean and evil social outcasts filled with lurid intentions; unless of course that’s not the case.
There’s nothing like being in the middle of playing hard and random laughter breaks out. Not an evil cackle for the sadistic top but everyone involved just carrying on. You see that’s not the side of BDSM most people talk about. It probably doesn’t sell website subscriptions, pictures or products but when after about a 20 minute warm up spanking (that was far more a spanking than just a warm up) the bottom who just had her dress lifted up and whose butt cheeks are already very red during a brief pause in the action jumps up, logs into her I tunes account to find her playlist, while the two moron top types who were just playing with her stand idly by since neither of them can find the fucking play list either. They’re patient because despite what we were just doing, well, we’re people too. As much we like doing mean things to her we also like music. The mean things, we know we’ll get back to them shortly.
Then after quite a bit more rough stuff you do a check in to make sure the person you’re playing with is fine and find them they smiling ear to ear and are met with “ummmm I’m good go back to what you’re doing” which is also code for “shut up and quit taking me out of sub space since I just got there you fucking idiot.”
A little while later while on a short break from the action let’s say you look at her and ask “ok what would you like to do now?” Then the answer comes back “you figure it out you’re the top.” That kind of thing shows another fatal flaw of the Top (or me) because despite my role what I really wanted to do is deliver on her hopes, expectations, and fantasy. Which is all fine and well except well other than a cursory review of safe words (which I was told she was not going to need) before getting too far into thing (yes I was already “warming” her up for 5 minutes before asking about safe words…bad Top I know) the only other thing I knew was that I was going to try out a great new paddle Lord Raven made for me as a special request (it will get its own post shortly) So with that in mind I hadn’t gone ahead and planned a detailed scene.
Sometime later and at a point that they had been getting their cute little ass spanked, paddled, and whipped all kinds of colors past bright red you look at the other top in the room. You know just doing the responsible thing because you have been whacking her bare backside not always lightly with an assortment of things for well over an hour. He just looks as you and says “She’s fine she’s smiling from ear to ear. Hit her some more.” Trust me it takes a few minutes for that one to sink in even if you are at times a heavy player and have spanked more than a person or two in your life. So does that behavior mean I’m ineffective as a Top? That I have once again failed at being a true kinkster. In some people books most likely. “There is no Smiling in S&M!”
And when later when she protests vehemently that you are refusing to spank her now very well marked and soon to be very deeply bruised ass any more while she’s bouncing up and down insisting she’s fine and needs and wants a harder and longer beating it kind of dispels the myth of what we do. Though we did gang up to on her a little bit to torch the back and insides of her thighs pretty damn good after the protests just because we’re good guys like that.
After a while longer “is that it?” she asked. I looked at Lord Raven, the target of my impact play scene was still bent over wiggling her glowing bottom at us as we watched her do the last steps of her spank dance. We both nodded and told her in unison “Nope you’re done.” You see as tops we’re suppose to leave the sub begging for mercy with a bunch of staged or not so staged “oh please stop I promise I’ll never do X again” bull shit. Instead we left her laughing, still with a red hot bottom that I’m told is very tender ever two days later. Most importantly though we had her safety and well being in mind.
Oh and all of us talked, and chatted and laughed like hell all along the way in what turned out to be almost 3 hours of play time filled with delightful little squeals, gasps and murmurs. She woke up with a still throbbing ass, just like she wanted, Raven had tight hamstrings which weren’t on the intended menu and I have a bruise where my palm and thumb meet which is a fist for me after 25 years of doing this sort of thing.
So there might not be any smiling in S&M…unless you’re playing with us then there is often also laughter, giggling, a bit of snarkiness and a damn good time in general. How often can you say I spanked someone’s ass for 3 hours and a great time was had by all? If you’re like me not nearly often enough.