Yeah I’m a bit kinky and a little idiosyncratic so recently when my beloved Chesty Blonde decided to start poking fun at my list of relatively obscure preferences she determined most are really just a latent unrecognized type of fetish. So get your toys out, find a play partner, and get ready to embrace Malflic’s world of emerging fetishes….and my half ass self styled psycho analysis.
1) Argyle Socks – I believe the basis of this fetish is old J Crew catalogs. I’m not certain they ever actually sold the socks but they did make up the basis of so many of my young preppie and early yuppie outfits that I can’t be sure. Just remember next time you see a guy in leather pants, big black boots, and swinging a flogger he might just be wearing a purple and lavender pair of psycho bunny socks underneath it all. If so come say Hi because it’s probably me.
2) Black Wing Tips – I just bought another pair. Literally I think I now have nearly 20 pairs of black dress shoes. Considering almost everyone I’ve ever played with I’ve at one point or another had Black Wing Tips on it would be the one nearly constant thing in my adventures.
3) German Cars – If you’ve been reading me for a while; Enough Said. If not which would I notice first a Benz or a Naked woman. Odds are I could tell you the make model and specs on the car. On the woman…you might have to point her out to me if there is a Kraut mobile near by. (VW’s don’t count)
4) Linen Paper – The Blonde joked about it a few weeks back but I have a through dislike for cheap paper. I know it serves a purpose but I won’t write on it and special order my journals. If you went into my desk you’d find I have Crane cards with different images on them just for special people.
5) Tights – Not women’s tights but running tights. Trust me it’s harder than you think to find a decent pair that fits right, doesn’t chafe, and works with my fat ass.
6) Running Shoes – I own 4 pairs that are still in use for running, 2 more that I’ve kept for some inexplicable reason, and two brand new pairs for whenever the others finally wear out. Houston We have a problem
7) Coffee – Let’s face it if you count corporate coffee, grocery store aisles, restaurants and independent shops there is no bigger collection of fetish shops in the world than the ones that cater to this addiction. NOW BREW BITCH AND MAKE SURE IT’S NOT FOAMY!
8) Vodka – I used to drink it but now I just collect unique labels, put them in the freezer, and show them to my friends. Kind of like a serial killer but with hooch!
9) Rechargeable Batteries in Vibrators – You know the best part about going green? You can have rechargeable batteries in 4 rooms of your house, always plugged in and in plain site and no one thinks “where the fuck is he hiding the oscillating butt plug and giant pink vibe” unless of course you know me
10) Inane Lists. Is 2012 the year of the list?
Now on another note this caused me to update my list of actual fetishes which now include Rubber, Wartenberg Pin Wheels, French Maids, and Business Suits. Boots (Although it was listed as boot) seems to be very under appreciated considering how many kinksters wear them. Now where’s the pocket square to match my argyles? One must accessorize their vest properly to project the right image.