I like a little production value in my pornography, dating sites, and other musings

spoof christian mingle ad promoting open relationships

I just can’t help it; I think I really do like a little production value in my pornography.  No Avatar type special effects shit but a title telling me what I’m going to see and maybe who’s involved at least by gender if not scene name.   Look there is nothing wrong with a raw amateur shot romp or scene.  It can be great stuff if there’s heat and chemistry between the people but recently while perving videos on a few sites I found myself missing the production value of paid for porn.  Look I don’t need the stupid Pizza guy, pool boy, or head master visiting the maid, sorority type, or naughty school girl but Jesus fucking Christ if you are going to tape yourself fucking or playing rough whether it’s just by yourself or another human being then only share the ones that were fun and or interesting to you.   In other words Fuck, play or ram yourself or partner like you mean it!  Romantic and slow is fine I’m not saying all the action has to be circus tricks and jack hammer speeds set to early Metallica tunes with a 220 beats per minute metronome setting.

Here though is a hint if you don’t look like you want to be there then why I should want to watch.  I mean hell sell me a little through up some cheesey words saying that it’s the first time you put an huge miracle grow watermelon in your ass, or played doctor with an actual mental patient or shaved your pussy with a radiator fan from a 1942 Chevy pickup.  Whatever it is your doing if it’s worth taping tell me why I should care in the tile or opening because if I wanted to and often I do I can find other lewd acts to watch with people who are actually interested in being part of what’s going on.  Hell do a voice over saying the same kind of thing if you don’t want to type.   Don’t make me shoot home porn just to prove my point OK!  After all I have memorized Zack and Miri and the last thing this world needs is another wanna be Kevin Smith type.

Next up on today’s list of things… I can home to a mailer the other day.  Now like most American’s I get a lot of junk mail but what struck me as funny was it was an ad for Christianmingle.com.    I’m not only an atheist but I’ve  actually been married to the Chesty Blonde for nearly 20 years which makes it even more hysterical.  While I do like to mingle not being a Christian and being married made it seem like a waste of money.  Maybe there is a hidden message in it.  Something to the effect of “not getting what you need at home?  Remember what Frank Zappa said about catholic girls…well protestants and New Evangelicals are even more fun!”   I’m not sure where they bought the list from but sending an invite to a godless hedonist to come find someone on Christian mingle is like sending the Pope to a rave with four 18 year old female strippers and a two pockets full of X.  In other words it’s a complete waste.  A few days later the Blonde got a mailer too.  If I were them I’d fire my marketing company

Can you imagine if I was in charge of that debacle the mailer might look something like this.

spoof christina mingle ad promoting open relationships

 

 

 

 

Yes I had some free time on my hands.   Anyhow I’d like to thank them for the offer but I’m pretty sure unless they want a few heathen tempters to fill paid positions in order to sort out the faithful from the fakers they really don’t want me on there.

 

BTW the Blonde is a little put out that Cougar Life hasn’t sent her anything.


About Malflic

Minor Demon, life long hedonist, sadist and general nerd. Women are my weakness and greatest addiction of choice followed by torrid love affair with coffee and caffeine. When not committing sins of the flesh I'm an unrepentant capitalist, avid reader, Star Wars, and B rate comedy movie geek.