The Great Whipped Cream Incident of 1991 Reprised…well almost


Reddi wip sex storyIt’s funny how there are some moments that are just stuck in time.  As a young man I found myself  living in a giant old mansion of a house.  Ok well I had an amazing 2 bedroom apartment in a converted old mansion.  Huge bay windows, 15 foot ceilings, stained solid hard wood trim and doors, the works all in all not bad for a drunk party boy college kid.  It’s the middle of July, around 10 pm, the temperature is the mid 90’s out and the one thing my great old apartment didn’t have was air conditioning.  At that point in the day I’d spent the better part the sun lit hours naked with a 19 year old girl who might or might not be known today as my Chesty Blonde.

Day gave way to night as it so often does and a few cocktails later what will come as a surprise to no one I began chasing her cute naked ass quite literally through the living room with a can of whipped cream.  I catch up with her, a bit of wrestling ensues and in my best HA, HA, HA look at how young and strong I am moments I take her relatively gently to the floor.  My intention was to cover her from head to toe with whipped cream and lick it off so very slowly but she wasn’t exactly playing along so I pinned her to the floor.  She purred.  I held her hands over her head so she couldn’t wiggle free and she struggled playfully as she ground into me.  10 or 15 sweaty hot and hard minutes later as we moved a little out of need, a little out of desire, and a lot out of the need to attempt to reduce rug burn, and the amount of sweat dripping on to her.  I reached for the almost forgotten whipped cream can and gave it a squeeze covering one of those lovely nipples of her.  At about the time I was headed that way to quickly lick it off she decided to sit up in a violent fit of “OH NO YOU DIDN”T” and smashed the northward bound bridge of her nose into my southward bound cinder block of a head.

Here’s a hint I didn’t know what a safeword was back then but “You Fucking Jerk I think I broke my nose” seemed to be one.  Now I’d just taunting call out Ha that’s not a safe word here I come! (just kidding babe)

At that point we’d been (back) together for about 8 months.  Enter last night a little over 19 years later.  During the day I had been joking on twitter about stalking my prey and blindfolds but last night found myself in a candle lit room with the same person as all those years before.  It was not some fling and to put things in context I’ve been with her for 20 years more or less.  Taking the number of years times 52 week times a very conservative estimate of sex 2.5 times a week I was naked with a woman I had been with approximately 2,600 times.  One might think OH my god that is a horrifying number, Oh man why the hell hasn’t she left you, and there is always the possibility a few old lovers might say I hope you remember her name.  To which I’d reply yep I’m probably good there for another 20 years or so but then all bets are off.

One would think it would be like a well rehearsed show, one where the dancers are on the top of their game but still have a passion for the dance itself despite being one they’ve done about 2600 times.  Hell that would be boring and variety is the spice of life.  So my old ass flings himself across the room, tackling her, clothes are shed, the air conditioning is wafting the lovely scent of Jasmine Vanilla candles through the air.  We begin as so many couple begin…by locking the bedroom door.   Now pretend you’re a sports announcer as you read this next section…for the record I did not call it as a play by play when it was happening.

Well both participants seem  to be properly warmed up and at by the looks of it fully at the ready…if that is what you can call ready looking at Mal’s posture.  The Blonde is down she’s on her back legs reaching toward the sky.  Mal is up in a fluid motion and both are moving rhythmically with each other.  The commentator pauses then adds.  Wow would you look at that both legs pinned together and back over her head.  What a combination of flexibility and strength.  Neither missed beat.  Here’s comes the next move her legs swinging so shamelessly wide before flexing and grasping  on to his hips as the intensity of the routine continues to build.  He draws her closer and she meets him with skill and intention. She looks in to his eyes. There is moment of silence and then BONK!!!

Bonk you ask? WTF is Bonk? Well in this case it is where I closed my eyes for just a second and leaned in to kiss her right as she decided to reposition her upper body on the pillows while we were both still shall we say actively intertwined.  Crying out FUCK even at that very moment was not the start of a tirade of filthy sex talk and well Bonk is apparently the sound we make when my cinder block melon collides with her head.  At this point despite my lack of grace I’d like to point out that despite the cranial trauma neither of us changed or ceased our hip motions.  Wanna say sex isn’t a powerful instinct?  Fine but you know you’re lying!

We recover, I actually manage to kiss her on the lips without causing any permanent mental impairment on either party and somewhere down the line end up flipping her over for a few good swats on the ass just because I’m such a nice guy before continuing on.   Now as they say in Volleyball OK Rotate.  Joking she puts a pillow over my forehead and eyes a few minutes into this position proclaiming this is to help avoid future collisions.   So I play along but after a little while I just don’t feel like having a giant down pillow over my eyes.  Why? Well for starters it was getting hot and not in a good way and secondly it’s kind of hard to watch her tits bounce and her fuck me with a pillow over my face.  So I life my head just a little to untuck it and take in the view.  Again not the best sense of timing as this time she smashes the tip of her cute little button nose into my forehead.  Then she sits up while stilling riding away and calls out “You have got to be fucking kidding! You had to do that on purpose”  How could I do it on purpose I couldn’t see anything!  I offer back.  She sneers not convinced. Making eyes contact “Ok you’re right all these years I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to begin mashing our foreheads together during sex because I think you’ll really get off on it.”

Despite the clumsiness we both finish in fine fashion some time a little later.  Afterwards the Blonde is laying there next to me and brings up what she has dubbed as the Great Whipped Cream Incident of 1991. We laugh about it.  She tells me “20 years ago Man are you old” I let the age thing go no good can come of reminding her she’s been along for the same ride, besides in fairness she has aged much better than me. Then she tells me I think you need to start wearing a hockey helmet to bed.  So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.  Tonight after dinner, maybe a few drinks, and a little quiet time we’ll make out way up stairs.  I’ll have the room dimly lit with candles and right there on her pillow will be the two thing she probably won’t expect a can of redi whip and my Old Black CCM.

Shhh don’t tell her it’ll be our little secret.  I think it’ll be breaking new ground since it’ll be the first time I’ll have been Malflic's CCM hockey helmetfucked by someone in a hockey helmet who wasn’t wearing black and white stripes.  Odds are though it will never be as memorable as the first Whipped Cream incident

So while it’s not exactly my standard Fetish Friday type post I hope you’d enjoy this as a change of pace.  Have a great weekend!

-Mal


About Malflic

Minor Demon, life long hedonist, sadist and general nerd. Women are my weakness and greatest addiction of choice followed by torrid love affair with coffee and caffeine. When not committing sins of the flesh I’m an unrepentant capitalist, avid reader, Star Wars, and B rate comedy movie geek.