Are You Just Kinky or is it a Lifestyle 33


A dark alley in black and white

Show Notes

The audio edition (available at malflic.libsyn.com) and in the snazzy pickle player on the right  features The Chesty Blonde Provides the Sexy Intro and Outro with her sassy attitude and sarcastic sense of humor and featured lust filled comments about a certain guy in uniform.  Malflic goes on to explore his recent experiences at a Fetish Lifestyle meet and greet.  Along the way he tried to convince a non kinky photographer to try out wax play, obsesses about his wardrobe, and tries to answer the question of “Are you Kinky or is it a lifestyle?” all while poking fun at himself along the way.

Also included in the audio episode is a plug for E Lust Sex Blogs and a few brief words on Rev. John Sleestaxx’s book With a Mouth Full of Razorblades  becoming now available for free in PDF, Kindle and E Book Format.  Since recording he has also made In My Neighborhood avaiable able as well.

Are You Just Kinky or Is It a Lifestyle?

So first and foremost I’m not judging here, I’m exploring.  There are people who are lifestyle people and it works for them and that’s fucking awesome.  Then there are people who are kinky and participate in activities that are certainly part of the lifestyle but are just fragments they’ve incorporated their own little twist into and that rocks as well.  As I always say what ever gets you off as long as it’s between two or more consenting adults, involves a condom, a tub of lube and has farm animals no where near it.

What happens though when there are folks who don’t fit squarely in either camp, who as the good folks at fetlife put it “Live the lifestyle when they can”.  Enter me.  So what is the life style? What qualifies as living it or living it when you can?

A few weekends back I decided to come out of the proverbial kink closet. Well OK I do a podcast about kinky sex.  You know the whole bdsm, rope, pain, chips, dips, chains, and whips routine, and well that same weekend ended up playing with my friend Victoria one night and the next with a about a dozen lit candles the next trying to tempt a vanilla photographer friend named Lexi over to the  dark side.  Lexi seemed fascinated by the concept of wax play!  Sadly she would only let me drizzle a drop or two on her arm and not all over what I imagined to be the super sexy body she struts around with.    All of this though was done on my terms at times and places of my choosing.   Still despite the experiences I share in the podcast or write about for the website my kink life is really rather private beyond those outlets.

If there is any question about my interests then add to that several online profiles that make no mystery of my sexual proclivities and friends both real and cyber, feel free to look me up.  Despite all of that wondering out of the relative security of my semi private kink based life with people I know and trust and attending  a more open event once again represents a mile stone in many ways.

The very act of leaving the house can be both exciting and intimidating.  Not for everyday things unless there is coffee involved, then it always exciting.  Am I dressed ok?  What are all the other fashionable dominates wearing this fall?  Am I to clean cut?  It seems like an odd question but after someone called me GQ that night it’s one thing I’ll be asking myself before heading pretty much anywhere.  OK so I do have a subscription to GQ but Dark jeans, black shoes and a black long sleeve top don’t exactly scream fashion plate to me.   Then again what the fuck do I know I just got out of the house.  Enter a warm fall Saturday night after dark, a 40 minute drive, some moral lubricant of choice; my choice was diet coke.  Man am I tea totaling  bore.

I arrive at the event a little while after it started and things are in full swing.  I’m usually a 15 minutes early kind of guy but had an overwhelming concern about getting there and the friend who conned me into going being late…turns out it was a well founded fear as I entered a room filled with strangers and the only souls I knew were nowhere in sight.  Fuck it, as they say shit happens.   Enter the awkward sensation of being a total dork and you have what I was feeling like, a 5’10” big flesh colored dildo.  Looking back at myself as a giant awkward phallic symbol I might have approached things different.  “Hey ladies I’ve got length and girth on my side?” Perhaps it is for the best that I didn’t take that route  no one wants a living breathing sex toy metaphor from a total stranger.  Right?

It was just a meet and greet and even with my lack of general intelligence or a PHD from some snotty institution I do know my name and can function at a remedial level is social situations. The reality is this is very type of thing I think of going to each month to find an expanded circle of like minded equally twisted local souls and for one reason or another tend to never make it.  This time around a few acquaintances finally badgered me in to being there.  So after a few minutes of figuring things out a little I talked to a few folks, chatted a bit about nothing in particular and then sat down to order.

The first thing I learned is I’m more of a voyeur than I realized.  I know when I go to bars to watch bands I do the fucked up thing and actually watch the band, I study the gear, I take note of how the guitarist plays, that sort of thing.  After all once upon a time in a galaxy far far away I was a musician of absolutely no acclaim.   Why should it surprise me that I spend more time taking in my surroundings and watching the dynamics than participating in them.  I know this about myself but rarely like to admit it.  It seems when I go into a new situation I do the same thing. I listen and study what going on around me.  It didn’t matter that it was a room filled with kinksters, I stayed in my lay back and watch mode.  I watched the dynamics of the couples, the singles and topics being discussed.  I spoke only when I had something of potential value to add or out of common social courtesy.  I liked being there but I liked blending in and not standing out even more.   Perhaps there will be a day when I’m my obnoxious self but this wasn’t it.

Everyone was really nice and by and large I didn’t run into any territorial types during casual conversation.  Then again I wasn’t on the prowl for anything more than conversation and getting to know some new folks.  Looking around and watching things got me to thinking, is it the type of place I really belong?   Not because of anyone’s actions, or because I didn’t know the secret handshake, but because of my own beliefs was I treading on hallowed ground with my tarnished impure soul.

There is something about attending a kink event and worrying about having a tarnished soul that is slightly amusing.

Instantly I wished the Chesty Blonde was with me, she can talk to anyone and enjoy it.  She always lights up a room when she enters it, both with her personality and her looks, she’s a people person.  Me I’m a nerd!  It’s ok I know I’m a nerd.  I wished Miss Victoria was with me…she could have fun at a mortician’s convention the day the fountain of youth was discovered but alas I was more or less left to my own devices.  Being left to my own devices is rarely a good thing.  The only thing worse is find a few lemmings a co conspirator or two after being left to my own devices for a while then the insanity and moral depravity usually takes over.

This time I begin evaluating my life and relationships. Looking for answers, it was a long dark road but here are the abridged highlights.

“She’s a very kinky girl the kind you don’t take home to mother” certainly is not an accurate description of the Chesty Blonde. I have in fact taken her home to meet my mother and well she actually liked her…but that was years ago.  Now days it might be a tossup.  Before she came along I had taken plenty of less reputable companions places including one questionable miss last night who showed up in black lace body stocking, super high heels, and a leather skirt that barely covered her ass.   My mother instantly hated her which made her perfect in my eyes for about another three hours.  So perhaps the very kinky girl standard wasn’t the best thing to bench mark myself evaluation against. I’m a lucky man I know a lot of very kinky girls.  The truth is the Blonde isn’t naturally Kinky, I am.  She’s just along for the ride.  She’s the nice girl and I’m the dark brooding one not only sexually but in most things.  Facts are facts.

A few years back a lifestyle friend seeing our interaction ask “Is she collared?”  Watch us for ten seconds and anyone who’s really living that life knows the answer is no.  I just laughed and informed them that the dog doesn’t even wear a collar.  In Short we’re not a Ds couple.  Never have been never will.  Maybe that alone rules me out as an actual lifestyle guy.  Still I have to be more than just kinky right?  I have these borderline obsessions and live a very nontraditional life by conventional standards.

Once a Bastard always a bastard, still the question lingered on in my mind.  I personally identify as a top and on rare occasion will admit to actually being a sadist when it comes to certain things.   I can hear it now the choirs of people chanting “Pervert”.    Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.  All kidding aside I’m saying is sometimes watching them squirm is very enjoyable and making them squirm can be heaven on earth.

When I talk to some folks who have been doing this as a way of life for a while often there is the entire ritual and formality to things that ironically reminds me more of catholic dogma than anything dirty that I’m into.  And then you light this candle and wave your magic whatever isn’t very different than then you go put on this and walk like that.  No fucking Green M&M’s.    It’s not much different than the 1950’s sex once a week TV sitcom stereo type.

I prefer my sex even the rough kind more like jazz music everybody is really fucking good at the basics and then they figure out how to make it different and interesting each time from there.  Again don’t get me wrong I’m not against rituals.  One of my favorite ones is when the Blonde comes running toward the bed naked…it means sex!  Perhaps I’m just too aloof to want to live by as set of rules and rituals beyond naked woman jumping into bed with me before she gets cold always equals orgasm.

I’ve mentioned this before but I still don’t get the entire Small capital I things.  Once upon a time someone flamed me a bit for not having a capital letter on my screen name and not being a sub.  I get it now the Bigger the M the more dominate I am.   It should have been so obvious to me.  Now I’m off to wave my giant M at all over cyberspace so the would be submissives will swoon with desire, soak their panties with filthy impure lust filled thoughts and give in to my every half baked whim.  This is more of a don’t be offended when I write you back disclaimer. I’m just happy when basic grammar is close to correct and there aren’t too many spelling issues on my side.  If you can handle that then I’m happy to correspond with you.

Ya know what I’d like right now?  I’d like a woman in a very sexy…hell I’d like anyone in the world to bring me a warm Brownie and a glass of cold milk.   If she’s dressed like a New York whore, French maid, completely naked, or the counter girl from the local baker it’s all fine by me.  The reason being it’s the brownie I want not the person bringing it to me.  Maybe that is the purpose of the rituals?  It the individual act, the ritual that is a big part the fetish and has less to do with who you are performing that act with.

I don’t know if all the black leather and red pvc pants in the world won’t make up for the fact at the end of the day, maybe I’m simply not lifestyle material; in the traditional sense of the word.  Then again I’ve never claimed to be.  I have friends who love it and hey again that’s what matters.  It doesn’t answer the real questions like

1)      So let’s say I’m just kinky.  Is that a problem at parties where there are lifestyle folks?

2)      What if we go to a conference will we be outcasts?   Ok more so than usual in my case

3)      Are combat boots a fetish?  Seriously I wear them a lot.  I love my boots.  I think its more punk rock than S&M but I could be wrong.

4)      Do I have to wear black leather pants and what if I don’t own any?

5)      How do you know how much rope is too much rope before there is a “problem”?

6)      Doesn’t everyone have more than 4 toy bags?

7)      Is NiN the only acceptable dungeon music?

8)      How do you discuss or broach the topic of those I’m kinky but not really lifestyle boundaries with new play partners. (Hint probably pre scene is a good idea)

9)      What do you call someone when you run into them at the mall, church or a parent teacher conference?

10)   If  I play with your partner am I expected to let you play with mine?

Sure some of those questions were purely in jest but others are things I’ve wondered or discussed with friends.  Even if this isn’t your first rodeo the answers vary depending on who you’re with and where you’re at  except for the rope one…a person can NEVER own too much rope! Not having enough rope is a problem having too much isn’t.

So the question remains am I just kinky or is it a lifestyle?   Well there is only one way to solve this dilemma show up for some more stuff and be who I am.  Just like some many things in life maybe I’ll be labeled something nice.  Whatever they decide to think of me may fit, then again maybe it won’t but the one thing I am certain of is that no one will mistake me for Vanilla.  Until then I’m off to define my own unique lifestyle and profess my undying fondness for Rough sex, Bondage, Lingerie , women of questionable moral standards, good sex, great Coffee and of course German cars.


Malflic

About Malflic

Minor Demon, life long hedonist, sadist and general nerd. Women are my weakness and greatest addiction of choice followed by torrid love affair with coffee and caffeine. When not committing sins of the flesh I'm an unrepentant capitalist, avid reader, Star Wars, and B rate comedy movie geek.


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