Malflic

The audio of me reading this post can be found under the same title on the snazzy blue pickle player above or by visiting http://malflic.libsyn.com

Since the moring post is mor like brunch this Sunday morning then the mid day play will be out around tea time but today’s bed time story will be mid evening as usual.

Well when kink goes wrong this time is deeply personal because unlike some of the other stories providing you with a morning laugh this one happened to yours truly. I’ve told parts of this story before but here is the complete only moderately embellished details of what happened.

I say moderately embellished because one can never be sure what others are really thinking but their actions usually are a pretty good give away. So I assumed.

So it’s a hot summer night. Not hot as in steamy hot filled with wild passionate sex and exotic play. I mean hot like it was literally a100 damn degrees out and the humidity was as a southern friend of mine would put it “awfully close”. Or to put it in my nice east coast vernacular Fucking sticky and stupid hot.

Anyway the Blonde isn’t around…which usually means I’ll find something idiotic and typically not wholesome to do with my time. Often it involves balls, cruel demeaning profane words and implements of abject misery and torture…but most people just call the game golf.

So the phone rings and it’s a close friend. He wants to go out, but I don’t. He’s single and on the hunt, I want to watch a movie with stuff that gets blown all to fucking hell or has a psycho killer type in it while eating pizza.

He asks again and again finally offering a location that I like, lots and lots of scenery, tons of different clubs and bars with in walking distance and a band I’ve wanted to check out for a while. I agree on one condition, I need to go some where else first.

Now let’s clear a few things up before we go any further…while I’m not exactly a closet kinkster seeing as I write a few blogs, do a pod cast on the subject, and occasionally show up at an event or club here and there. In reality I’m not a big out on the scene guy either, with in certain circles, sure they know. But odds are you won’t see me in line at the leather parade. In another city or two sure there’s a decent sized group of the fetish population who could pick me out in a crowd. For the most part though in recent years I keep my kinky interests confined to a few close friends in my day to day world.

While I’m setting expectations for any Vanilla’s out there who came across this (that means not kinky people incase you were wondering. No really it’s OK to be Vanilla, it’s not meant as an insult just a classification sort of like the dewy decimal system)

Any how I’m planning on hitting my first munch in a city I’m relatively new to. So as I get ready for what is nothing more than a few drinks and a bite to eat with other like minded people who at this point don’t know me from Adam. I do what all good people do before going to such an event in an open and public place, I get dressed, Plaid shorts, white Polo, and to top it all off angelic white tennis shoes. I looked smashing if I do say so myself. Wanting to make a good impression I read the invite and to paraphrase it “Street clothes only, we’ll have tables in the main part of the restaurant, we’ve never had a problem so don’t be a jerk, collars are OK”.

Please note that it didn’t say all black suggested, kinky T’s welcome, but leave the chaps, the whips, and your bare ass at home for later. Since I read between the lines guess it really didn’t need to.

My friend asks…”can I come?”

I politely suggest it’s not a good idea.

They press the issue just a little.

Nah, you wouldn’t have a good time.

“Really I bet I would!” they insisted.

It’s a kink thing bud I finally concede. To which they reply “oh never mind, see you at 10, you are going to show up like we planned right?”

Yes I’m going to show up unless they jump me and leave me all tied up…but I wouldn’t worry too much about that since I am on the side of things that likes to do the tying. At this point I would have paid big bucks to see their face.

Anyway a little while latter I pull up to the place in question.

I make my way inside and find what you expect to find at any casual dining place…a few girls in their early 20’s playing hostess. Fuck where was the part on the directions that gave me the secret code word to tell me how to ask for the group I was looking for? Do you see a trend here? I’m always looking for symbols, outward signs, or secret codes to find other kinky people. Someday maybe I’ll share that with a shrink but now back to the story.

Guess what not a single hint. So after vacillating for a moment and deciding how to ask these nice all American looking young ladies where the other twisted souls were I offer something along the lies of ” I’m here for the social and I’m meeting a group.”

At first hey think I’m with a family reunion type event. I explain politely that’s not who I’m looking for. “it’s a social organization meeting” Blank faces stare back at me before inquiring if I had the right place. Reassuring them I do I use the term munch. “I’m here for the munch.” I inform them in a “Nod, nod, wink, wink, know what I mean” kind of tone wanting to add a bit about just like all the other deviants. They tell me the only other group they had there that night was a leather event.

Fuck it was that easy I could have walked in and said point me to the leather event and they would have known. Note to self always be direct.

Any How little Suzy cream cheese then points adding a “oh really” like she didn’t believe me. I joined in at a group of tables and we talked about all kinds of normal things, dogs, families.

Now unless you’ve ever showed up at a munch being the newbie and dressed a little too preppie it’s hard to relate. At first one guy takes the time to introduce himself and then make sure I knew everyone else at the table. At this point it could have been a rotary meeting with all the hand shakes smiles and curtsies. Ok no curtsies but enough general pleasantness to make me worry.

Shaking hands in the world in general there is often the gamesmanship if you buy into that sort of thing about how hard you squeeze. How do you rotate your hand to be on top of the other person to signify dominance and all that other bullshit. More useless shit from corporate training and B school so I offer my hand open and palm up which is the hand shake equivalent of black jack or a royal flush. It means I know you think you’re in charge and I know that you know that I know and don’t give a fuck what you think.

One old Dom in particular seemed to think that this all mattered and decided to do the squeeze and twist with me. It was the fetish equivalent of dogs pissing on a tree. Oh yeah mother fucker I can lift my leg higher than you can! I laughed as he did it, which kind of pissed him off but it was so ridiculous.

Now admittedly I’m not following the basic black fetish event attire minimum then again if you want an all black event it helps to tell the newbies. I converse, I chat and the entire time I can tell most people are trying to figure out my orientation and why in the world I was there.

Stories get told, over the next few hours another guy who is a real dog lover warms up to me. I share the story of how I came to own my first and only single tail, How and old girl friend once gave me a bull whip and other stories of the sort. He’s a real single tail aficionado and lifestyle guy with a dedicated play space in his house and quite the collection of toys. He would be the instructor at an upcoming event and invites me to attend. I politely deferred due to a previous commitment. Acceptance in close knot groups takes time and I’m not there looking for play friends but to find out about the local scene, to find out what is going on in the area and how the play parties and organizations flow.

It’s a funny thing in my mind there is no doubt that I’m a top, always have been. Some people need to let everyone know that they are the top, in that sense I’m more neutral and could care less what you like as long as you’re cool with what I’m into. I wasn’t hunting play partners or looking to steal someone else’s sub, I just wanted a few hours conversation with other kinky people, maybe get dimed in to a local event or two and I did that and showed up.

The entire night though I could see people were puzzled by me. They weren’t sure, I didn’t have “that look”. The ones that took the time to talk to me a bit rather than just leer at the preppie like the main attraction at a freak show found out I had been kinky my entire life. Despite my wardrobe had been playing for going on two decades, was more of a spanko and bondage guy than true BDSM by many people’s definition. I was in a relationship and didn’t play outside of it. The only contracts I care about had to do with my day job, the only one in my house who would ever wear a collar was the dog and that was only if he was going out of the yard and I was perfectly content with that.

Since then I’ve talked to some of the folks, met and exchanged emails with others, showed up at a few things here and there, read the posts, boards and websites to keep track of things that might interest me. Almost went to a few rope events but watch the local rope sig online choosing to lurk in the shadows and play in private.

And did one really kinky thing…bought a Haynes basic black t shirt not that I don’t own a half a dozen other ones by different companies any how. Something about the term Beefy T made it just seem more fitting for its purpose. Then went to the local craft store and bought a pack of 2 inch tall white iron on letters and hung them in the closet with my new shirt just in case I ever get the urge to go to a munch again I’ll iron “TOP” on the front of the shirt so no one needs to look for that damn elusive secret code to figure me out.

The audio portion will be up a little later this evening (around 9:30 central or as soon as the lighting storm passes I have this thing about electronics and head phones during electrical storms) to accompany the written post. It features my other English Vice “the Key Limey” and her lovely voice making her second kink week appearance.

Have a good bed time and a long fun filled sleepless night.

Some things no one knows. Not even you. Some words can not be said not ever, not even once because the story they tell can never be untold.

Dancing so precariously close to the edge, that a single misstep could end it all, I delight in that danger…it excites me. It is what I crave yet you tease, so very slowly, nothing hurried, everything in due time, taking its time to get to what ever place you so long ago determined you would take me. Unlike you I am not in control and never know where this road will lead. It could be heaven and all that it has to offer or it could be hell.

Melting into each sensation, posed like a doll. A doll subject to your whims, your desires and your mercy, and like a doll I feel cherished, the undivided attention of these modest, even though silent and speechless moments creates emotions that I can’t explain much like those words that can never be spoken. Feelings and desires that I could not ever dare express provide not a hint or indication in the least that what is happening is some much more than it seems.

That edge precarious and alluring edge is coming up on me, I stand poised so close to it that a heavy breath or slight breeze might cast me in to the abyss. Into a sea of things that once they’ve begun can not be stopped.

Stoic, I wait savoring each touch as the rope moves across my skin wrapping me tightly in their caresses. Holding me just so, every pass and each sensation building upon the last. Inside I want to scream. Outside I want to treble and shake but I remain as still as the dead of night and peer into your eyes, endlessly.

I do as is expected trying not to inch closer or tell you what I’m feeling is a ravenous hell, fighting back the urges to be there, against you. No longer just a doll posed for her own good or your amusement, no longer a play thing to be cast aside to wait in the darkness until a need arises, no longer something insignificant but a living breathing passionate soul who will become so very real in an instant.

Somewhere in those moments of indecision and misdirection my mind wondered into the depths of my own darkest depraved desires. It contemplated the things that were and the things that should not be. I swam in the lust of all things spoken and the unspoken desires that I dared not even dream of until then.

I pulled, but could not move. I opened my eyes but could not see. Breathing deeply I barely filled my lungs as the ropes caressed me tightly. Their embrace now excited me as I waited for your touch to join theirs. The feel of them against my entire being while waiting for your hands on my body, your lips against mine and all the other sinful possibilities.

It was in those dark lonely moments for the first time ever I let it all go every worry, every hang up, and needless concern. And there still on display, not knowing what was happening around me, as you made me wait for what felt like 3 eternities…I surrendered to you so very completely in every way.

Waiting for the unimaginable intensity.

Waiting for my reward, waiting for my release.